Some of My Favorite Vacation Pictures

We interrupt this monthly posting schedule because our friend Clark is in town! We will resume normal programming tomorrow.

(If you don't remember or know who Clark is, please click his name for a very necessary introduction!)

My Favorite Article of the Day

Outback mayor seeks ‘ugly duckling’ women
‘Beauty-disadvantaged’ urged to move to woman-deprived Mount Isa

Read All About It



Cheryl forwarded me this article this morning at work. I'm not sure how insulted I am. This may be the second time she's "accidentally" called me ugly this month! It is for that reason I feel free to make fun of her on here and tell you all that she was quick to point out that all of the available men in the above AUSTRALIAN town would "at least have British accents". Sure they would. If they had just moved from a DIFFERENT COUNTRY.

Oprah & Her Friends Have Lost Their Ever Loving Minds

Today while driving home I was playing with the satellite radio on my new car. I landed on the "Oprah and Friend" channel-- and even though I have a long standing policy of taking Oprah (and her ego) with a HUGE grain of salt......I was curious what Oprah's "Friends" had to talk about for 24 hours a day on the radio. Would we get some Dr. Phil? Would we get some decorating tips? Well-- my limited exposure to it has convinced me that Oprah and Friends radio basically consists of the biggest pile of New Age mumbo jumbo you have ever heard.

First up was Nate Berkus (and correct me if I'm wrong here-- but isn't he some sort of interior designer??) talking with some spirit medium dude about the "levels" that spirits work their way through after death-- and how the biggest motivator for them to move to the higher realms of the afterworld is LOVE! (I had to put LOVE in all caps because of the way they were stressing it.....I felt they were using verbal caps). Also? Apparently spirits have physical needs as well-- and all they have to do is envision something to have it. For instance, if they want a turkey sandwich all they have to do is picture it and it shows up. Seriously. That was their example, not mine. What on earth any of this has to do with picking the right cushions for my living room, I just don't know.

Next up was some looney bin escapee whose name I don't know-- but whose profession is apparently the "teaching of the laws of attraction". His schpeel was all about putting out the vibes that bring positive or negative things into your life-- and how everything that happens to you is because of your vibrations. He also added that for those who might feel that they didn't put anything negative out there-- and yet were still struck with "bad boyfriends" or "job difficulties" or "money troubles"-- well, they just needed to understand that his job was not to convince them of the truth of the laws of attraction (because, you see, they are there whether you choose to believe in them or not)-- his job was just to instruct all of us little people in the WAYS of these laws. (And, presumably, to make 6 figures a year doing it). I think my favorite piece of wisdom he shared was that we all have built in vibration-ometers in us....and that they are called EMOTIONS. (To that I say-- Thank you, Einstein. I never would have guessed that my EMOTIONS were telling me how I felt. That is truly an amazing piece of insight). I turned the channel before we got to just what it was, exactly, that 4 year olds with cancer "put out there" in order to bring it on themselves.

After that I was done....but it left me feeling slightly horrified. I mean, it isn't as if I hadn't ever heard of any of this before. Spiritual mediums and philosophies like"the Secret" aren't exactly new to the world, but still. I mean-- I haven't really watched Oprah in years-- but are the millions of women who watch her show really buying into this? I'm genuinely curious now.

A Close Call

We had a near blog tragedy tonight-- and you have my mother to thank for averting it. I very nearly forgot to post ANYTHING tonight. I know-- devastating, right? I was so busy watching Michael Phelps win his 8th gold medal (It isn't often I feel slightly hostile towards Australians...but tonight was the exception)-- that it completely slipped my mind that I hadn't posted anything today. (The topic of my unexpected addiction to Olympics coverage is a topic for another day)

Now it is late, and I'm tired-- and to be perfectly honest, I'm drawing a blank on anything remotely interesting to say. (I know, I know-- hasn't exactly stopped the rambling before....)

And so I will merely wish you a happy August 16th and call it good.

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

Today is my Grandmother's birthday-- and I really feel that I am sadly overdue in telling her (and all of you) why she is such an amazing, wonderful, fun, all around fabulous person to have as a Grandmother!

First, let me start with one of my favorite pictures of her and my grandfather:



I enjoy this picture for several reasons but the primary one is the expression on her face-- doesn't she just look like she's up to something? THIS is the girl you wanna hang out with. I'm dying to know what she was thinking in this picture! (Also? I am jealous of her cute outfit--particularly the shoes!) And you know what? My grandma is STILL someone you wanna hang out with. She's hilarious, remembers a zillion stories, and knows a little (and A LOT) about just about everything. (She's probably protesting this point as she reads this-- but Grandma....face it. You ARE a knitting expert. Your cinnamon rolls ARE the best ever. You know more about college and NBA basketball than most guys I know, and I will always insist on having you on my Trivial Pursuit team!)

But more than any of that-- my grandmother is the most loyal and loving person you could ask for. She has been a blessing in my life since the day I was born (and not just because she introduced me to Hershey's syrup as a child). She is a patient, loving Christian example that makes those of us lucky enough to be in her family proud just to be one of Laverne's grandkids (or kids, or great grandkids....). She has an amazing ability to make me feel like the most interesting person on the planet even when I really have nothing better to talk about than the latest customer complaints at work.

You are an awesome woman, grandma-- and if I only manage to have half of the positive influence on those in my life that you have given to those around you-- I will consider myself quite a success.

Happy Birthday! I love you!

(And I would like to point out that while you might have lots of grandkids and great grandkids that love you dearly-- I am still the only "littlest angel". I'm just saying.....)

Puzzling Male Fashion Trends

Dear American Apparel,

WHY are you encouraging men to dress this way? You have THIS available in "over 20 colors"! Really? Is that supposed to be exciting? Is hairy male cleavage the new hip trend? I don't understand. It is bad enough that it is almost impossible for women to find tops these days that aren't cut to our belly buttons....but now you are dragging the men down with us? I really think you need to reconsider. I mean, it isn't like the guys can do what we do and just put a tank top underneath. THAT would (believe it or not) look even more amazingly stupid.

Think about it.

Best regards (but with a high level of concern),

Sarah

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Oscar Wilde

Friends That Don't Answer Messages

I once left a message for a friend of mine because I had a crucial question that needed answering. Sometimes you don't have the answers for the big questions that strike you in your life-- and in those times it is important to be able to turn to your friends that are experts in their fields and trust that they will walk you through your questions and help you to see the answers that you just couldn't find on your own.

Unfortunately, in my time of need-- my friend did not come through for me. And so I am left to wonder with no answers to be found. And so now, I turn to you my blog world friends to see if you can help me with this very important question:


In the comics, does Batman have a girlfriend? And if not, why not?

Warning: This Post is For Women Only

Alright ladies-- need a reason to watch the Olympics? This one is good enough for me.






Now I know what you might be thinking-- surely this post is beneath me. To that charge I answer-- no, it really isn't. I'm just encouraging you all to show your American spirit and admire their athleticism.

I love the U.S.A. So shoot me.

Questions for Walmart

1. Does anyone really buy the Lemon Pepper rotisserie chickens or are they just space savers until you finish cooking more of the "Traditional" flavor?

2. When you were designing the new motion-sensitive lights in the frozen food sections, did you realize you would make your shoppers feel like they are walking some sort of weird red-carpet that lights up as they go every time they want to buy a South Beach frozen pizza?

3. Have you considered telling your greeters that rushing at a customer who just walked in and then grabbing her purse to strap it in with the seat belt in her cart might be a little disconcerting? Especially with no explanation?

4. What happened, exactly, to make you establish the "one person and one person only per dressing room rule" that is now apparently corporate policy?

5. Do you know that the giant, middle of the aisle "islands" of that one weight loss drug that causes all those gross side effects is really kind of unappetizing-- especially since your big signs list them all?

6. And do you see that putting the weight loss section across from the candy section might not be the kindest move?

7. Has Cover Girl convinced you yet that Queen Latifah actually makes anyone want to buy Cover Girl?

8. Why is the dog food section always next to the garden section? Are you trying to segregate "smelly" aisles?

9. Why do your cashiers refuse to greet me 80% of the time when they know perfectly well that the little credit card screen is going to ask me if I was greeted?

10. Why does your nightgown section remind me of nursing homes?

11. Who buys those weird DVDs you have on sale for $2?

12. Are you planning on starting to carve Miley Cyrus' face onto the potatoes to try and get those to pick up on sales?

13. Do you really think I care that the new movie with the comedienne whose name I don't remember (because his last 4 movies went straight to DVD) will be releasing his new DVD exclusively at Walmart starting next Tuesday? And do you really think it justifies a 10 food sign at the front of the door?

14. Have you ever considered taking some of your carts out to pasture and putting them out of their misery since many of them seem to have half wheels that THUMP, THUMP, THUMP as you go down the aisle and/or pull to one side so much that you very nearly take out the mustard row on aisle 7?

My Friend Laurie

I've realized of late that every time I'm talking about my friend Laurie, I preface it with "my friend". I never just say "Laurie"-- I guess this is because she is one of my very few close friends that is NOT from college. Almost all of my friends are friends with each other-- and she is one of the few that (for now anyway) is mostly just MY friend. And so I guess that is why to everyone else in my world, she is known as "my friend Laurie".

Anyhoo-- believe it or not, this post is not just to explain the foibles of my speech patterns....... this post is really more to explain the total uniqueness that is my friend Laurie and to tell you all how generally awesome she is. And so, to celebrate her birthday, I present to you a list of some of the reasons that I love Laurie. (At least I'm pretty sure it is her birthday-- if not, she will enjoy the list anyway and generally just think I'm being eccentric)

1. I've never met anyone who puts more thought into her friendships.

2. She remembers everything I've ever told her....even things I don't remember saying. She can tell you the first and middle names of all my nieces and nephews-- and I wouldn't doubt she might know their birthday months too.

3. She is one of the most empowering friends I've ever had (and incidentally, the only one to talk me into buying a backless shirt!)

4. She analyzes things even more than I do. When we get together and analyze a situation I think we could even give Freud a headache.

5. She cherishes and protects the uniqueness of her daughters.

6. She sees eccentricity as a gift.

7. She has no idea how smart she really is. (Ok, I don't really love her for this one-- I wish she DID know how smart she is-- but I had to put it on the list because I like to give her a hard time about it)

8. I can go without talking to her for 6 months (not that I try to do that) and we can still pick right back up where we left off.

9. She is one of the most open-hearted and generous people I know.

10. She talked me into trying laser-hair removal.

11. She let me live with her and finish my thesis and she even bought me Cocoa Puffs.

12. She didn't bat an eye when I told her that her husband should walk around in his flight suit more often.

13. She respects honesty

14. She loves products even more than me.

15. She loves to preface things with "GIRL"-- and I catch myself doing it when I'm talking to her. No one else could make me do that. (not that she tries)

16. She is a wonderful writer.

17. She is incredibly loyal.

18. She threw me a surprise party and really, totally surprised me.

19. She still dances. (And I mean that literally, not metaphorically)

All Out Of Time With Nothing To Say

I just realized that there is only an hour left of 8-8-08 and I still haven't posted anything on here. Mostly that would because I can't think of anything profound to say (well, that and I've been watching old episodes of Prison Break-- never let it be said that I don't have exciting Friday nights!)

This is about the time that I usually do a top 10 list....my old standby...but for some reason I don't feel like doing one just now. It has been a long, hot, weird week and I'm just glad it is Friday.

Happy Weekend everyone!

This Never Fails to Make Me Laugh

(Megan, you've really got to find a way to watch these)


General warning: there is one slightly unfortunate word at the beginning, but that's it. I promise. (blink and you'll miss it)

Me: The Early Years

So this post is to reassure my mother that I didn't automatically just throw out the large packet of old school papers she sent me in the mail this week. We're talking grade school, middle school, and high school report cards.... we're talking school commendations, pity-ribbons from track and field day, and ACT results. It is one great big pile of information about ME!

Reading through the old papers, some of the teacher notes started cracking me up. Apparently some of my "issues" are long-standing. Here's a sampling to show you what I mean:



Kindergarten: Mrs. Crowder
"Holding Pencil: Keep watching middle finger position"

I'm sad to report that 25 years later-- I am STILL holding my pencil wrong. Sorry Mrs. Crowder



First Grade: Mrs. Frederick
"I've enjoyed having Sarah this year. She's a sweet child and a good student"

Good comment, right? You'd never guess that this is the same teacher that once taped my mouth shut. Seriously.



Second Grade: Mrs. Ketcherside
"Distracted by other small groups"

This should surprise no one.


"Whispering and checking the process of others uses valuable time"

I think this is nice teacher code for "she's nosey and wastes time"


"Enjoys all kinds of conversation"

Again-- is this teacher code for "she never stops talking"?


"her imagination is endless....Sarah should never be bored!"

Finally-- someone acknowledges that the ability to entertain yourself is a good thing!


3rd Grade: Mrs. Nuss
"Sarah rushes through work which causes it to be messy."


I think my college roommates could have written that comment.


4th Grade: Mrs. Heitschmidt
"Sarah is a creative and sensitive person who is nice to everyone."

This is a very nice comment-- it just makes me wish I could remember something about the teacher who made it. I have realized that I am drawing one big blank about my 4th grade year. I can remember 3rd grade, I can remember 5th grade-- but for the life of me I cannot remember anything about Mrs. Heitschmidt! I hope this doesn't mean I'm not nice anymore.

No, No, and did I mention NO?

Dear Ms Holmes/Cruise:

No. You are not bringing back tight-rolled jeans. You aren't, so just STOP IT.

Sincerely,

The American Public

P.S. Also? What is with the hair? You are making us rethink our Dawson's Creek days......

Sunday School Lessons

(I'm feeling unoriginal tonight so you are getting a bit of something I wrote when I lived in Portland 5 or 6 years ago.....)


There may be some of you lucky, lucky souls who have never had to go to visit a new church. I don't know what planet you're living on, but so be it. (Actually now that I'm thinking about it, that's ridiculous. What have you been doing with yourself that you've never left your home church? Get out of the house for goodness sakes!)

But the rest of us have at some point, or will assuredly at some point in the future, visit a congregation we have never been to before. And if you are (to quote Bridget Jones) a singleton, then chances are you are going to have to do it alone. I have spent many many miserable Sundays doing what is charitably called “church shopping” and picked up something of an education while doing it.

So listen up, because these were literally born out of sweat and tears (emphasis on the tears, and we'll get to that later).

So without further ado, we have Observation One:

Most churches don't have a Singles Class.

This is the most fundamental rule you will have to learn because it almost never fails.

Let me give you a very real scenario:

You walk into a church you've never been to before. You're lucky enough to find the visitor's table-- which may or may not have an up-to-date class list (that's not likely, but go ahead and dream the dream. I won't try to stop you).

Since you aren't a First Grader or a Golden Oldie, you aren't able to immediately spot a class for which you fit the description. But no problem, right? You're a self sufficient college graduate! You know how to ask questions, right?

So you find someone standing near the door with a name tag on and assume that they must have some kind of helpful knowledge because really-- who would bother to put on a name tag if they didn't have some kind of information to offer?

And there you've done it. You've made your first classic mistake.

You've assumed that name tags indicate someone who is ready to answer questions. This is not the case. 90% of the time, members aren't wearing name tags because they actually expect anyone to ask them anything. (And it's not that they don't want to help you, but most of the time, they are very nearly as clueless as you are.) The fact is, people rarely know what classes are offered outside of their own or their kids (which explains the fact that so many of these brothers and sisters in Christ will attempt to send you to the college class-they, like our parents, often seem to have a complete unawareness that for many people a stage of life exists between college and marriage.)

Now, you might be thinking that there is an easy way to avoid all of the awkwardness. Why go through all of this unknown when a little research could have saved you the trouble, right?

Well…..sorta.

The fact is, I am a strong believer in researching congregations before visiting them, and with so many congregations finding their way online, it is getting easier and easier to find valuable information from the safe haven of your couch.

But here's the thing: I learned the hard way that this can give you a false sense of security because ministers are human too, and quite often can be guilty of telling you what they wish to be true.

Remember those tears I mentioned earlier? What I'm about to tell you is a very true story.

I had just moved to a new area where I basically knew no one and was rapidly growing tired of visiting area congregations with no more information that what time services started. I realized that I should heartily be ashamed of myself because I had been approaching this all wrong. I had just finished my Masters Thesis, for goodness sakes! The one and only thing I was actually qualified to do was research. So I embarked on a little investigation of the next area church I planned to visit. I found the website, and quickly found the email address of the “Singles Minister”. Sounds promising, right? Yes, I was naive once too.

Thus began an exchange of emails where I laid it all out on the line-my age, my background, and just what it was I was looking for-ideally fellow Christians my own age. His reply was enthusiastic though slightly cryptic. He responded that they had a small, but growing class of people “pretty much” my age. I wasn't sure what the “pretty much” meant, but the rest sounded worth checking in to. Plus I figured, I had a good 10-15 year age range that I would feel OK with, so it couldn't be too bad. I'd had older friends before. He even gave my precise directions to their classroom in the building. I was set. What could go wrong?

Since you already know I ended up in tears, we'll keep this short and sweet. I got to the building where the church met a little early and headed to where my class was to meet. They were having what appeared to be an elders meeting in it, so I used what had become my classic stalling technique-I went and hung out in the bathroom for awhile. I came out a few minutes later, when it was getting closer to time for class to start, but the meeting had not yet rapped up. I began to grow concerned that I was looking in the wrong place (directions having never been my strong suit) and decided to grab the first woman I could find and ask her. I found a very nice woman who looked to be about my mother's age and asked her where to find the singles class. She said, and I quote, “Oh honey, I think you mean the college class, don't you?”

Swallowing my frustration, I smiled and explained that I had been exchanging emails with one of their ministers. Her smile remained but her eyes grew concerned. She began to look decidedly uncomfortable and I felt the familiar little burst of anxiety in my chest. I had been so sure this was going to go smoothly.

Finally she gestured toward the Elders meeting and sighed, “Well, I think that must have been the class he was telling you about.”

I turned and looked a little more closely at the room. What I had mistaken for an elders meeting was actually people just gathering before class-and there wasn't a non-gray head in the room. Now please don't misunderstand. I realize that there are singles of all ages, and that we all face on own challenges. And while hindsight has led me to understand that the minister was likely just practicing a little wishful thinking in order to reach out to me and help his class grow-at the time all I could see was what seemed to be a cruel deception. Since when is a 50 “pretty much” 25?

It was at that moment I gave in and went to the college class. And it was there that I learned another important lesson about interacting with brothers and sisters in Christ that you've never met before:


Be very careful how you introduce yourself

I take you back to the very same Sunday morning (truly, it was just a wonderful Lord's day, let me tell you). The nice and now rather sympathetic church member who had clued me into the “singles” class led me to the college class that both of her sons attended. I was nervous but resigned. If I could just make it through Bible class and get to worship, everything would be OK.

With that thought, I pasted a smile on my face and walked into a room of five 18 year old boys and a man who looked to be about my father's age. Wondering if I'd stumbled yet another wrong class, I looked to my guide only to be shot a reassuring smile and she closed the door behind me.

My nerves are really the only thing that can account for what happened next, I suppose. Meeting new people has never been my strong suit, and I would rather get my eyebrows waxed then interact more than I have to with teenage boys. So, when I introduced myself to the teacher, I simply told him my name and that I had recently moved from the Midwest. When he asked why I had moved so far, I simply replied that I had been looking for a change.

Not a great answer-but surely nothing suspicious in that, right? Strike 2.

He nodded calmly and then proceeded to introduce me to everyone as “This is Sarah-she has just moved out here to turn over a new leaf and get a fresh start.”

And just like that, five 18 year old boys started looking at me like a reformed prostitute that had moved out of Texas to escape her life of sin.

Dreaming of Lots and Lots of Clouds

So here's the thing-- I'm not some temperature-fragile person that grew up somewhere where it never gets above 75 and never goes below 55. I've lived in the Midwest for 95% of my life-- and I know how to handle summer weather just like I know how to handle ice storms. But I just have to say this and get it off my chest:

This summer is completely and utterly ridiculous! It has been 106 degrees for the last I don't know how many days in a row.....and I am SICK OF IT and so is my electricity bill. It is currently 85 degrees in my condo-- and it is not for lack of effort on my air conditioner's part. She's trying....she really is.... but she just can't keep up. (Yes, my A/C is a woman--- and my heater is a man......I will let you figure out the "hot air" related explanation for yourselves)

So basically? This is just me complaining. Heat, Heat Go Away. I would say "Come again some other day" but I wouldn't really mean it. Check back with me in January. I might be willing to throw you a bone then.

Scenes From An Airport: A Transcription

TSA Agent: "Please keep your boarding pass as you step through the metal detector"

Me: (looks at the TSA Agent) "Do you think my necklace is a problem? Should I take it off?"

TSA Agent: (shrugs) "I guess we'll find out"

Me: "Ooookay" (puts my baggie of liquids next to my shoes in the little cart and pushes my plastic tub o' belongings on the the X-Ray belt--- and then hold my breath as I walk through the metal detector..... as if that makes any difference in it going off or not)

Metal Detector: "......"

Me: (Breathes a sigh of relief and hands off my boarding pass to Mr TSA)

TSA Agent: "So, how is your day going today?"

Me: "Oh, not too bad" (my lack of enthusiasm may have had something to do with finding out shortly beforehand that our flight was delayed enough to make us miss our connection)

TSA Agent: (looks at my boarding pass, then looks up at me-- and finally sort of smiles) "Oh, your day has got to be good looking as FINE as that."

Me: "....." (did he really just say what I think he said? and if I glare at him, will he take away my boarding pass and insist that I get sent for extra screening?)

TSA Agent: (hands back my boarding pass still smirking expectantly)

Me: "Oh...uhm....heh.....yeah, well.....thanks" (there may have been some additional blushing)

TSA Agent: (winks)"You have a NICE day"

Me: "Thanks!" (goes to collect my belongings off of the X-Ray belt--- put my shoes on and walk at least 20 feet away from security to wait for Cheryl to come through.....in the meantime I look at my boarding pass to figure out what gate we are looking for)

TSA Agent: (comes from out of nowhere and grabs again for my boarding pass) "Let me see that-- let's figure out what gate you are at....where are you going today?"

Me: (slowly realizing that Mr TSA has decided to spend his break using the "treat a woman like a 5 year old child" method of hitting on her) "Oh, yeah-- I think we are flying out of gate 7.....I actually already know where that is"

Cheryl: (walks up smirking like she knows exactly what is going on)

Me: "I was just waiting for my friend"

TSA Agent: (frowns, hands back my boarding pass and walks off)

Cheryl: (smirking even more than Mr TSA) "I always scare them off, don't I?"

Me: "Shut up. Just SHUT UP. I don't want to hear it."

Mea Culpa

So it has come to my attention (from multiple sources) lately that I am a terrible blogger. I got all of your hopes up with my whole "post every day in May" trick and then promptly began to slack off again (despite my pledge to the contrary). Sadly, it has become clear that I am apparently a person who needs rules and guidelines in order to actually get things done. (Does this mean I could never be a freelance writer? How sad) Any of my college roommates could tell you that I never wrote my papers until the night before they were due. What can I say? That's just how I roll.

And so I would like to announce that I am now once again committing myself to posting every day- this time for the month of August. It doesn't rhyme, but hopefully it will be a good time. (Does a secondary rhyme get me credit??)

"You just have to decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate. Never lose the childlike wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us."

~Randy Pausch

Eureka!

Greetings from Northern California! Cheryl and I are on our mini-roadtrip extravaganza.......so far not having to dodge too many wildfires. Today we are in Eureka killing time before our spa appointment. Yes, that is right-- I am about to get my first ever professional massage. (Also? I believe there will be a facial and a couple of other terribly "girlie" things)

I know I haven't updated much lately (in case you were worried no one was harassing me about that fact, rest assured that my mother and Katie have the "reminders" well in hand). Hopefully this little vacation will stir up the blog muses! I have to go now because I only have 3 minutes left on my computer time clock in the little coffee place we are in.

Anyway...I'm going to go enjoy the 60 degree weather outside now!

(And in case you need a preview-- future stories may involve overly familiar security agents at the airport, and yet another man missing his pants....this time on the sea coast.)

The Barbie Song

I went and saw K.C. Clifford at The Blue Door last night. She's a local singer-songwriter that is very talented. I highly recommend you all look her up. (A couple of her CDs are on iTunes)

She has one "silly" song that she sings at almost every show that is always a crowd favorite. She mentioned last night that she'd put up a version of it on You Tube.....so now I am able to share with you the famous Barbie Song. Enjoy!

20 Things To Love About My Father

1. He loves me no matter what.

2. He once listened to me agonize over my love for one of the New Kids on the Block for over an hour in the car. (I was 11 or 12 and sadly I cannot remember which one I was so much in love with)-- and he never laughed at me once. He listened patiently the whole time while I explained that this person (whoever he was) and I were soul mates but I just knew we'd never meet and that our love would never be.

3. He is one of the wisest people I know.

4. He always made me feel like my opinions and thoughts were important. (If you've ever wished I would shut up about my opinions....blame him)

5. He put my mom to sleep on their first date....and STILL managed to get a second date.

6. He bought a wet suit off of Ebay and is still wearing it 4 years later. And that wet suit gave birth to "Cool Pool Man".....who shall live on in the minds of his grandkids for years to come.

7. He is the most generous person I know.

8. He has an addiction to cottage cheese.

9. He drove a light blue Chevy Malibu that was longer than most boats for most of my childhood.

10. He works unbelievably hard to make a difference in the lives of nearly everyone he meets.

11. Even if he doesn't really watch TV, I suspect that he passed on to me my predilection for Sci-Fi.

12. He may not always get why I'm doing what I'm doing-- but he always supports me anyway.

13. He has never asked me why I'm not married (though he has tried to play matchmaker a time or two which is always disturbing)

14. The family now has a legend about the year that dad quit competing with our neighbor over hanging up Christmas lights. Instead he just hung up some chicken wire and used Christmas lights to make a sign that said "DITTO" with an arrow pointing next door. I still can't believe we didn't take a picture.

15. He gives me free medical advice (and tests)......and even puts up with me when I ignore it.

16. I've never seen anyone give more unconditional love and respect and care for a parent than him.

17. The look on his face when he gets together with his brother. I think of it has his "little brother" look because I only see it when Uncle Mike is around.

18. When I first confessed to my parents that I had a blog, his response was "I knew it! I knew you had one of those things!"

19. When someone called the house a few weeks ago at 2am with a wrong number and then asked him to look up the right number for whoever they were calling-- he actually got out the phone book and tried to find it. Seriously. Who does that?

20. He was and is the best dad ever!

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you!

Maybe I Can Save You Some Money

I don't usually bother with movie reviews-- but today, I feel the need to branch out and give you all a warning. What has caused me to feel this need? Well, this afternoon I went and saw a little movie called The Happening. Admittedly, M. Night Shamalyan (I have no idea if that is really how you spell that) has had some rough movies in the past-- but I always still held an affection for him because of The Sixth Sense (a movie that actually surprised me-- a rare feat) and Unbreakable.

Well, I'm here to tell you that he has beaten that affection into the ground and then stomped on it for good measure with this movie. It was the perfect storm of bad acting, atrocious writing, cringe inducing piety and just silly directing. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that 5 minutes into the movie watching Mark Wahlberg, I turned to my friend and said "What is wrong with him? Why is he talking like that?". I've seen him in other things.....it isn't as if he can't act. So I don't know what happened in this movie. And it was like a virus that spread to everyone around him. Pretty soon everyone was at the acting ability of your average 8th grader.

By the time we were 15 minutes in, I couldn't stop laughing. I spent most of the movie with my hand either over my eyes to block the silly goriness of the movie or over my mouth so as not to disturb others with my giggles.

There are no words for how bad this movie was. Seriously.

Thought of the Day

There is something seriously wrong when you find yourself envying the baby-soft smoothness of your brother-in-law's feet.

The Business World

Sometimes in my life as a pretend adult I run into problems. Today, the issue was this: How do you respond to a blatantly false (and idiot) "business" email? What do you say when you ask someone for an explanation about something and the response they give you is so ridiculously stupid and obviously untrue as to be laughable? If I weren't pretending to be an adult, I would simply hit "reply" and say the following:

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE


Unfortunately, life as a "professional" is a bit more prohibitive than life as a 10 year old.

Some Surprising & Random Facts

*The bus that American Airlines puts you on when they cancel your flight from Chicago to Milwaukee actually makes a stop at the Iron Skillet in Racine on the way.

*I have now kept multiple plants alive for a whole week!

*I'm no longer sure that Pride and Prejudice is my favorite Jane Austen novel.

*The movie Deep Impact almost always makes me cry (you may not think this is surprising, but some people I know don't think I EVER cry)

*I don't like Kevin Costner.

*If I ever won a contest that had a "walk down the red carpet at a Hollywood Premier" as the grand prize, I'd give it to Katie. You couldn't pay me to do that.

*I am 98% sure that I am over my crush on Orlando Bloom

Spelling Bees are Addictive

Songs In Your Head

He went away and you hung around
And bothered me, every night
And when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble
You see him comin' better cut out on the double
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
So look out now cause he's comin' after you

He's been gone for such a long time
Now he's back and things'll be fine
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong

My boyfriend's back he's gonna save my reputation
If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation

Yeah, my boyfriend's back
Look out now, yeah, my boyfriend's back
I could see him comin'
So you better get a runnin'



So I woke up with this song in my head this morning. I have NO idea why.....but that's not the sad part. The sad part is after the 4th or 5th time of singing it in my head, I started to wonder. What if her boyfriend DOESN'T believe her? She's so confident he's going to save her reputation-- but why is she so absolutely sure? I kind of wish there had been a follow up song so we'd know. I mean, did he kick this guy's tail or what? And for that matter-- where did this boyfriend GO for "such a long time"?

I find the whole thing very suspicious.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

And so we come to the end of my pledge to post every day in the month of May......please, please contain your cheers. It has been an interesting time of bonding for me and my blog. I have officially posted more this month than I did in all of 2006!! (No cracks about quantity vs quality, please). I have to say it was kind of freeing being obligated to post SOMETHING every day because it gave me an excuse to post just about any little thing that flitted through my head. Before, when I just posted sporadically-- it kind of weirdly gave it this pressure....like if I was only going to post once a month, then I should at least make it worth it. (Of course, that can all go off into a tangent addressing the fact that keeping a blog in general is not exactly rocket science.....or as we like to say at work "We're not exactly saving lives here!" Sadly, that is not a claim that my dad, or brother, or Erin can make!)

Anyway--this post isn't really funny or profound-- but more of a thanks for you guys bothering to check in with me on most days and taking the time to comment. It is nice to know people are out there, you know? And in a weird way, it is like talking to my friends, family, and a few complete strangers on a daily basis!

I guess I'll just end it by saying this little exercise has definitely converted me into the post more than a couple of times a month camp. I probably won't make it every day in June (if for no other reason-- it doesn't rhyme!)-- but I have decided my general rule of thumb is going to be at least 4 posts a week from now on.

So the randomness and stupidity isn't going anywhere. Aren't you happy?

The Awesomeness That Happened Today

I went to my favorite restaurant today for lunch. As it was SUPER crowded, Jini and I went to sit in the bar area. After the waitress took our drink orders (I ordered a Diet Coke for the record), she turned and asked me something-- but the place was so crowded and loud that I had no idea what she said. So I just looked at her blankly and said "Uhm, what?"

And then she repeated herself and I heard her hilarious and wonderful question:

"Are you 21, miss?"


Is that not just the best question ever? All for sitting in the bar area......

The Golden Bullseye Awards

Welcome ladies and gentleman to this evening's special Golden Bullseye awards. This special award ceremony is the first of its kind, endeavoring to honor the wide variety of patrons that can be found at the Target by my house.


The I Really Hope That One of You Just Got Home From Serving Your Country Overseas Because Otherwise that PDA is Completely Inexcusable Award goes to....


The Couple in the Deodorant Aisle, and then the Pen Aisle, and then the Kitchenware section! Congrats! You guys really explored the store tonight and yet probably didn't see any of it!




The You Made Me Do A Double Take Because You Are the Spitting Image of Britney Spears Award goes to.....


The girl working the dressing room. It is truly amazing I was able to spot your likeness to Ms Spears under the piles and pile and PILES of clothes that had not yet been put away.



The You're Deluding Yourself by Trying on That Dress AGAIN Because You Still Don't Have the Body of a Ballet Dancer and That's The Only Person Who Would Look Good in it Award goes to......


Me! (Is it cheating for the judge to award themselves a prize?)



The You're Pushing Your Luck By Insisting On Both Wrapping Your Arm Around the Guy You Are With AND Putting Your Hand In His Back Pocket Because His Pants Already Look Like They Are Holding On For Dear Life & His Belt Has Seen Better Days Award goes to.......

The Woman from the PDA couple award! Two in one night! Impressive!



The I Don't Know if You Were Hitting On Me or If You Were Just That Excited About the Slightly Inappropriate Father's Day Cards You Were Finding and Just Had to Read Them Out Loud to Me and Then Try to Bond Over Target's Greeting Card Selection Award goes to.......

The Strange Middle-Aged Man in the Greeting Card Aisle!



And now we come to our final award of the evening......

The Why Are You Glaring At Me Because I Noticed There Were Only 2 People in the Next Aisle Over and Moved Over Since You Were Waiting in Line Behind at Least 5 People For No Apparent Reason and it REALLY Isn't Cutting, Sir Award goes to......

The Stern and Unhappy Man who was inexplicably waiting in a long line with his loaf of bread! Congrats!!

Nathan the Prophet of Israel was a what?

So I took a personality test that declared me to be an "INFJ". If you are like me and have no idea what that means-- here are the highlights:


"INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers."


So far so good, right? Well, read on:



"They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people... On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates.".....at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. "


See! There's a REASON I revert into hermit mode every couple of months!



"As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type."


I'm both misunderstood AND rare. They might as well just come right out and call me an ENIGMA. You know they want to.


"INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil."


It is like I'm SANTA!





I could go on and on since I'm sure you're all enthralled with hearing all about me and my personality-- but my favorite part of the test was the part where they tell you the "famous INFJs through history".

First of all we have Michael Landon, Billy Crystal, and Carrie Fisher.
Not excited for me yet?
Okay, how about Chaucer and Mother Teresa?
No?

Alright-- you are making me pull out the big guns: Nathan, Prophet of Israel. That's right, people. Nathan the prophet! He's not just any prophet. He's the one who called King David out on his behavior with a certain lady whose name rhymes with Dathbeeba. (At least I think he is. I could be getting my prophets confused again. It HAS been known to happen)


And now my question becomes: How the heck do they know what personality test profile fits an ancient prophet of Israel?

May's Musical Selections

I haven't done this one for awhile-- but as we're nearing the end of the month of daily posts (whew!) and I'm running out of ideas, we're returning to a classic.

So I now present to you my Song List for May 2008:



"Comfort" by Deb Talan
My friend Erin gets the credit for introducing me to Deb Talan. Her lyrics are creepy yet comforting: creepy because it seems that someone dug into your brain and decided to put your innermost thoughts and insecurities to a pretty tune and comforting because they let you realize that yes, someone else DOES feel that way too.


Ache by James Carrington
The kind of song that makes girls wish they could enchant a musician just so he would write songs likes this about them.


Rhumboogie by The Andrews Sisters
Listen to this while cleaning your house and just try not to have a LITTLE fun. Go on. I dare you.


Back To Me by Kathleen Edwards
As a nice girl I really shouldn't like this song.....but alas, I really I do.


Windows and Walls by Jules Sheer with Patty Griffin
This song is weird. Jules Sheer really has kind of a creepy voice-- but when Patty Griffin comes in with her harmony, it is IMPOSSIBLE not to sing along. I'm sure if I were musical I would be able to tell you the special name for why the harmony is weird but beautiful-- but I'm not. So I'll just tell you to listen to it and enjoy.


Blush by Plumb
This is such a "WB" kind of song, I shouldn't really recommend it (wait-- did I just age myself? Should I have said "The CW" there?)-- but that would just be pretending that I'm not the kind of 31 year old that still gets into shows about teenagers. And I think we all know that is EXACTLY the kind of girl I am.


Look Away by Chicago
I can't hear this song without performing it melodramatically...... (this and "You're the Inspiration"). I also can't listen to Chicago without thinking of the road trip I took with "the girls" in Oregon. Nothing beats driving down the coast with 5 girls singing at the top of their lungs getting just about every other word right. "Look Away, baby....LOOK AWAY"


We Could Be Together by Debbie Gibson (campfire mix)
That's right. I said the CAMPFIRE MIX. (that is very important) If you doubt my love for this song, then you just need to check with my friend Bobby whom I once subjected to a performance of it on the way back from IHOP. I think his silent staring meant he was thoroughly impressed. (In fact, listening to it while typing this I broke out into another rendition of it-- this song will not be denied!)


We Are Man and Wife by Michelle Featherstone
Is it wrong to want to have a wedding just so I can play this song in it? No? I didn't think so.


E-Pro by Beck
A great work out song. (At least it would be if I -- well, you know-- actually worked out....but I have it prepped and ready to go on my iPod in case the mood strikes)


Patricide by Hans Zimmer (Gladiator Soundtrack)
Funny story-- I was making my dad a mix CD a year or so ago and I had this song on there. It was only at the last minute I realized what the name of the song was and why it might be a bad idea to put it on a CD for my FATHER. But it is still beautiful.

The World Through The Eyes of an 8 Year Old: Part 2

I know I'm biased-- but Anna's really got an interesting eye when she takes pictures. (Although in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I picked these out of the well over 100 pictures she took on my camera....thank goodness for digital cameras and large memory cards!)

The World Through The Eyes of an 8 Year Old (with additional photography by a 7 year old and a 6 year old)

Meet The Photographers

Very Sweet & Unintentionally Funny Quote of the Day

While playing water balloon volleyball this morning, my dad picked up water balloon that had been filled to the brim (by me-- I like them bigger while my Dad kept making "hand grenades"-- it was an ongoing disagreement) and said "This one's for Sarah! It is big and beautiful!"

That was when Eli (my 9 year old nephew) chimed in: "Just like Aunt Sarah!"

I couldn't stop laughing after that.

I Know It Is All In My Head

My parents live in a fairly small town where they know a LOT of people. When they are out with all their grandkids in tow, it is a lot of fun for them to show them off. But whenever I am here and the actual parents (my siblings) of the grandkids are not .....and we meet someone who doesn't know the family well enough to know that I'm not an only child, I sometimes feel as though I must look like the most fertile single mother ever to hit this town.

Quote of the Day

Today we took the kids to a space museum not too far from my parent's house. Standing underneath one of the "retired" shuttle/rockets they have outside, Meredith whispered to me-- "I think I can hear the cry of all the souls that lost their lives on this vessel" (Yes, she is 7 and YES dramatics apparently run in the family)

I looked at her with momentary confusion and then tried to reassure her that no one had lost their lives on that particular shuttle-- and then I asked if maybe she was just hearing the cry of all of the souls who had WORKED on the shuttle. She scrunched up her forehead and said "Well, I don't know. But I do hear an "Ahhhhhh!" coming from it"

Getting All Fancy

We are coming upon a tricky time in my grand mission to post every day this month. This is because starting on Thursday, I will officially be at Camp Cousin 2008 which will make having the energy to update daily difficult. Some of you are familiar with this family event of mine-- but for the rest of you: basically it is all of my parent's grandkids convening at their house for the weekend without their parents. I'm the "activity director" (whatever that means). So, I'll be in Kansas until Sunday-- but hopefully I will be able to update you all on the craziness as it happens.

I'm SURE you are super excited to hear stories about children you don't know! (with the exception of my sister who is probably reading this....of course you DO know your own children as well as your nieces and nephew.....hope you're enjoying your Scrapbooking!)

Here's a pic of the inaugural Camp Cousin 2 years ago:





The getting all fancy part comes in because I am pre-writing this post and scheduling it to be posted tomorrow. I have no idea if this will work, but I guess we shall see!


And just so this isn't all about my family, I present to you your random fact of the day:


Today I got stuck in traffic behind an SUV that had a license plate that read "HLYSPRT". And I seriously spent several minutes trying to figure out what the Holy Sport could possibly be. Not my proudest moment.

Oh The Books I Start & Never Finish

So there are lots and lots (and LOTS) of "books" I've started writing that I've never finished. The one I probably got the farthest on, though, was a guide for single Christian women. (I know, I know-- a little presumptious of me) I started writing it after a wretched year of church visiting in Oregon looking for a "singles" group. I was in my mid 20s and thoroughly fatigued of the issue of feeling out of place. Anyway-- I wrote several chapters that I might get around to posting on here someday since most of it won't ever see the light of day otherwise.

This little blurb I found tonight amused me because it sent me back to a thousand conversations I've had with friends starting in high school and beyond. And you know what? It is as true now as it was when I was 16! So without further ado......



Your Friend Who Is A Boy Is Not Your Boyfriend

I don't think I have a single female friend in my life who hasn't had a visit from the Maybe Man. Sometimes he lasts a few months, sometimes he stays for years. But no matter the length of his stay, I've come to view the Maybe Man as a rite of passage for today's woman.

Now who is this Maybe Man, you ask? Actually, I think 90% of you know exactly who is he is. But for you other 10% (you lucky, lucky 10%), I'll explain.

The Maybe Man is that guy in your life who always seems to be dancing along that friendship/something more line but can never quite decide where he wants to land. Some days you're convinced he's more than a friend, some days you aren't. Sometimes he acts like a jealous boyfriend, sometimes he could care less if you are still on the planet.

He's the guy in your life about whom you are never sure how you feel because you're too busy trying to figure out how he feels about you.

The problem with Maybe Men is that they are almost always good guys at heart (at least today I think they are, tomorrow I just might think they are Satan's toadies) who just can't seem to get their act together when it comes to one woman: you.

And the absolute worst part about it is that because nothing is ever said directly (really, what would you say? “I know you must like me because you've called me every night this week!), so you are never quite sure if it was all in your head.

What I've Learned From Watching Romantic Comedies

1. Men are attracted to women who are loud, demanding, and generally act like spoiled brats. The more impossible you are, the more they want you.

2. Rule #1 only applies when the aforementioned woman is thin and preferably blond.

3. Cute, available men are often to be found wandering the Irish countryside.

4. Men with commitment issues need only meet the right loud, demanding, spoiled woman to see the error of their ways.

5. Running down the street in 3 inch heels is easy for those in love.

6. The best men to marry are the ones with fathers who have had at least 5 or 6 wives.

7. A man who loves dogs is to be trusted.

8. We are all one awesome musical montage away from a life-altering epiphany.

9. When you've had a misunderstanding with the one you love (but haven't yet figured it out) you can eat as much ice cream as you want and still fit into your size 2 whispy summer dress the next day. This is a good thing because of #10

10. In order to come to an understanding with the man of your dreams (or the man you always knew but didn't know you wanted but have finally figured out that he was the man of your dreams all along)-- you have to be wearing a whispy, spaghetti strapped sun dress. If you can be standing in Central Park, all the better.

11. If you have a childhood best friend of the opposite sex-- you're supposed to marry them. You don't really have a choice in the matter. It was neighborhood fate.

12. Awesome highlights equal an awesome love life.

13. Man-boys are just one Coldplay inspired soundtrack away from maturing into husband material.

14. All women secretly love to dance around in their bedrooms and sing into their pillows. (this was news to me as I previously thought Amy was the only person I knew who really did that on a regular basis)

Happy Birthday My Friend!

Today is the birthday of the one and only Kathleen Anne. I've known you well on close to FOREVER now-- and I'm so blessed to have you as a best friend!

And now in tribute to you and our shared history at church camp and beyond.....





Oh how I miss the non-air conditioned cabins and bunk beds!



The puffed sleeved floral dress-- didn't we all have one at some point in our teen lives?



I had to put this in because anyone who knows and loves you knows EXACTLY what you sound like when you laugh like this. (Also? Seeing Roybal in his flannel pants again made me laugh)


I love you!! Happy Birthday!

Not Always the Brightest Bulb in the Bunch

Example One:
For years I wondered how "water pills" worked. I didn't understand how they could get a significant amount of the hydrating stuff into a little pill. Was it some sort of chemical reaction? Was it just a little boost of some sort of "super" H2O? I don't think I need to explain to you my friend's face when she explained to me the water pills get RID of water. (I guess here is where I admit that the explanatory conversation was had less than a year ago) I stand by my assertion that they should be called ANTI-Water pills. That is much clearer.


Example Two:
I recently found out that I am (well, I was until Thursday) still paying renter's insurance on my friend's house that I haven't lived in since August. This was in addition to my current homeowner's policy. And I didn't notice. Until Wednesday. When contacted about the situation, my insurance company told me it was very nice of me to insure someone else for that long. (they then gave me my money back after not making me feel stupid about it at all-- which I kind of deserved)

The Code of Nothing But Rambles

When I first started typing this post, it was problematic for several reasons-- not the least of which was that I had the number lock key on. It really looked like I was trying to start a new chapter of the Da Vinci Code or something. The main problem, however, is that I have no idea what to type. I've hardly had 2 seconds free today and I'm feeling very uninspired (as if GREAT inspiration provided the last 10 posts.....).



I was driving home from my sister's house tonight (the fam is all gathered in one location for my brother in law's momentous graduation from law school tomorrow) trying to think of what on earth I could write a quick post about since I cannot fail in my task to write every day this month. I remember at about the half way point I thought of something funny I could write about and that I was relieved. Unfortunately, that is ALL I can remember about that thought process. The no doubt HILARIOUS and WITTY and PROFOUND post is forever lost in the pile of fleeting thoughts I have while in the car. It will have all kinds of new friends like "How Sarah thinks Prison Break Season 3 really should have gone" and "Mean Thoughts About People with Vanity Plates". (It might even bump into my wonderings about how the original Native Americans would feel about today's interstate system. Would they find it intriguing? Would they think it was the work of a white devil? Would the concrete scare them and how would their ponies feel about it?)



So really this is just a post to say that I have nothing to say. Aren't you glad I shared?

Dueling Lists

Things I Don't Like

1. The taste of coffee (self explanatory)

2. Oprah (I haven't liked Oprah's shows for a few years now--- she has a serious case of believing her own press and it is annoying to watch. She pronounces "the truth" about everything as if she is Moses on the mountain top)

3. Coconut (it is hard to say which is worse: the taste or the texture)

4. Watching television with large groups of people

5. Being watched

6. The smell of coffee (this seems to be the one that shocks people-- I don't know why)

7. Martha Stewart (This is long standing. The first time I ever watched her on anything-- I told my friend she had "crazy eyes". I stand by that assessment)

8. Baseball (Boooorrrriiinnnggg)

9. Trying to explain to people that YES I was an English major but NO I can't spell very well.

10. The Last of the Mohicans (the book-- not the movie)



Things I Enjoy Probably a Bit Too Much

1. Swiss Miss Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding (they put Jello's sugar free pudding to shame-- trust me)

2. Wentworth Miller (He's so pretty)

3. Battlestar Galactica (yes, the remake-- and if you're tempted to laugh at me about this then that just means you haven't watched it for yourself)

4. Sonic Happy Hour (I'll never forget the day my sister called me at work to tell me she was in the Sonic drive-thru and they now had Diet Dr Pepper available)

5. Dying my hair (my mother hates this-- but she should be appeased because I haven't gone completely black since the "incident" in 1997)

6. My DVR (live TV? What's that?)

7. Young Adult Fiction (it doesn't seem fair-- they have much more interesting stuff these days than when I was an actual Young Adult)

8. My old-school iPod Mini (she's awesome and pink and impossible to buy accessories for)

9. New makeup

10. Analyzing People

A Picture I've Been Looking For

One of the top 10 cool experiences of my life so far was hiking through the rain forest last January in Belize and then floating down the a river through a series of completely dark caves. (And yes, I DID wear a lantern on my forehead). Anyway-- we didn't take cameras on any part of the hike or the float down the river since we got so soaking wet....and I've been SO completely sad about it ever since. The views were unbelievable and impossible to describe.

Well, today I was reading an article about Eco Tourism in Belize and stumbled onto a photo of one of the cave entrances that we floated through. It doesn't really capture the experience and the photo is tiny-- but today I'm sharing with you a teeny tiny snapshot of one of the coolest days of my life:

5 Things I Did Today

1. Pulled several muscles while trying to help a sort-of neighbor who had fallen down when attacked by some blue jays and couldn't get back up. My only other help was the 70 year old who came and got me to try to help. We didn't have much success.

2. Called 911 and summoned the Fire Department to come get the aforementioned neighbor. (Did NOT get to flirt with any cute firemen. Big disappointment)

3. Was late to work because of #1 and #2

4. Went and bought a big ceramic pot in anticipation of pretending that I can actually buy and keep multiple plants alive.

5. Tried repeatedly to get my hair to stay up in a knot using only one bobby pin. For the most part, it did not work. Contain your surprise.

The 12th of May: Erin's Day

Happy Birthday to one of my very favorite travel partners!!!

20 Things to Love About My Mother

1. She loves me no matter what

2. She sends me coupons in the mail

3. She still remembers the Spanish she learned in high school

4. She has an downright freaky sense of direction

5. She is the most unselfish person I know

6. She gave me a blank living will last week with absolutely no explanation

7. She's a talented artist even if she won't admit it

8. She's never asked me why I'm not married

9. She's an incredible example of a Christian woman

10. She has a beautiful singing voice

11. She changed her mind about naming me Whitney

12. She has watched Friendly Persuasion 80 bajillion times

13. She would do anything for her children or grandchildren

14. She has an addiction to audio books

15. She loves peanut butter almost as much as I do

16. She gave birth to me!

17. She's dangerous as a Trivial Pursuit opponent

18. Ditto for Scrabble

19. She seems to think her kids can do just about anything

20. She was and is the best Mom ever.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!

Anyone Else A Child of the 80s?

Cheryl, this one is for you!

A Toast to Myself

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and give yourself a high-five? (Not that I encourage high-fives with anyone over the age of 12 as a general rule) If not, you can't understand my dilemma.....but there are some of you who know just what I'm talking about. And today? Well, today I really could have kissed myself circa November or December 2007.

What did I do to make me so proud of myself you ask? Well, it might not seem like much to you, but I found a dollar that I'd hidden in a little wooden box in my office at work. And why was this so wonderful? I found it after a frustrated 10 minute search (ok, maybe only 5) for vending machine money for a Diet Dr. Pepper. I hardly ever have cash and I was on the verge of once again asking my secretary if I could borrow a dollar from her (which makes me feel like a 5 year old even though I always promptly pay her back).

And that is what is so amazing! At some point in the past not only did I have a dollar on me, but I actually took the initiative to squirrel it away in a place I knew I'd forget about it so that I would eventually stumble onto it in a time of need. And it worked! My plan that I forgot that I planned actually came together.

So here's to you pre-Christmas Sarah! You helped me get my afternoon caffeine fix. Well done!

Slightly Cheating

So I just realized the other day that I've had this blog for over three years now. Of course, I didn't tell more than 4 people about it for the first year of my blog's existence.....so I don't know if the first year really counts. I was SO paranoid when I first started writing it. I didn't want anyone outside of my pre-determined circle to read it. And now? Well, now I can't even really remember why I felt so paranoid. I think this has been a good exercise in not taking myself too seriously.

I say all of that to explain that I am slightly cheating today by reposting one of my first posts from when I started this in 2005. I figure my parents are the only ones who have gone back and read the archives (cause really, why would anyone else bother?)-- but if I'm wrong, please forgive the repeat. I just thought this was slightly topical given some of my posts of late. And so without further ado, I present to you "Mt Rushmore". (and no, I don't remember why I named it that)




A friend asked me today why weird things always seem to happen when I'm around. I don't think I really have a good answer for that. I mean, I've heard the rumor that I, myself, am not the most normal apple in the bunch (wait-- apples don't come in bunches....should I have said barrel there? Cause I don't think that people really say "the most normal grape in the bunch".....of course they could and it would be just as valid. I like grapes.)

Anyway, I don't know that I think weird things happen to me more than anyone else. Ok, that's a lie. I don't know anyone else who has been forced by the state of Kansas to cut the windshield out of their car. I only know four other people that have ever gotten lost in a an underground labyrinth in Germany. But those are just the four people that were with me, so I'm not sure they count. And there is the letter I got from the lonely felon who saw my address in a church bulletin--- but I don't think my weirdness attractors could have worked through a piece of paper...right?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, my car was stolen from below my bedroom window by a ring of Russian Car thieves. And it's true that when the police found my car we realized they took all of my CDs except for Natalie Merchant. But that's not weird so much as unfortunate. There is the incident of me accidentally telling my Irish soul mate that I have a boyfriend but that was more stupidity than weirdness (of course the fact that his friends were wearing plastic face masks of Irish politicians did add a certain odd flair to the talk....)

And you know, my first night in Europe when I was 17 did entail getting followed by a gang of drunken men down a Parisian street at midnight...but it also involved a very nice man in a suit with a baby who scared the drunkards off and found a nice Jamaican woman to walk me and my friend back to our hotel. And my teacher did get arrested (while I had all of his money and his passport) on our trip to Greece the next summer for jumping into a fountain, but that was him-- not me. I didn't get "arrested" until two years later-- and that was in Slovakia not Greece. And the only reason I was there in the first place was to get free refills at the Little Caesar's in Brataslava. They didn't have that in Vienna. What? It made perfect sense at the time.

And now that I've reread this, I'm impressed anyone is willing to go anywhere with me at all.

Your Daily Dose of Cuteness (Actually-- probably enough to last all week!)

Deep Thoughts From My College Journals

Everyone should get lost. Helplessness is the truest test of character.

Cinco De Mayo (and thoughts that have nothing to do with that)

Today we are taking a break from our regular scheduled random thought messages to share with you all a shameless plug:

My cousin Emily has started a really fun online boutique called The Refined Cubbyhole that I've been meaning to post about for awhile now. Now I have extra motivation because..... (drumroll please....) you can find super duper mysterious jewelry made by ME there!

(Ok, the jewelry itself is really not that mysterious-- and calling it super duper makes it sounds pretty dorky......so how about I stop trying to describe it and you just go look at it!)

"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear!"

This is going to fall under the category of things I should never admit to thinking......

I've been having an ant problem lately. I can't figure out where they are coming from and they are grossing me out. My mom gave me something called "Orange Guard" that works very nicely and isn't toxic and smells just like Orange Juice......I've been having quite the time shooting the little suckers with my citrus weapon.

None of that is the concerning part. Here's what I shouldn't admit: the other morning I was spraying more of them and I caught myself wondering if maybe I should leave some of the dead ants on the counter for the day as sort of a deterrent/warning to other ants that might come in.

Now I'm wondering if I was some sort of South American dictator in a former life.

The Stripping of Wallpaper and My Youth

I've been spending lots of quality time over the last few days stripping my kitchen walls of the dreadful blue poppy wallpaper that has been gracing its walls for what I can only guess to be the last 20-30 years. In order to keep myself entertained I have also been playing a series of all the romantic, dramatic movies I loved in high school. Great plan, right? Well-- as with all great plans, there has been an unforeseen issue.

What is the problem you ask? Well, as it turns out-- most of the famous characters I was so madly in love with when I was a teenager are IDIOTS.

Take for example Wuthering Heights. I used to swoon when watching Heathcliff mope about the moors tortuously crying for Catherine to haunt him after she dies. The 18 year old in me loved his passionate devotion. The 31 year old in me thinks he's a psycho that proved the need for anti-stalking laws in Bronte-Era England. And Catherine's no better. It really is a toss up as to who is more abusive and cruel. Realizing I had exactly NO patience for their "great love" made me feel OLD.

Need another example? Let's take a couple of dreamboats from Shakespeare. First we have the ridiculous Claudio from Much Ado About Nothing who is just about the whiniest wimp of a "hero" you've ever seen. He has the emotional maturity of a toad-- what a dreamy husband! And as for Romeo-- wherefore art thou's common sense, Romeo? My disgust with the pair of you really REALLY made me feel old. What kind of old hag doesn't appreciate ROMEO? Apparently, me.

I guess I know I'm not saying anything earth-shattering here. I always knew that "adults" sometimes developed these patronizing attitudes about the men that I loved.......but I knew that would never be my fate. I could never lose my sense of romance OR my imagination. But now, I am one of those boring adults! I have crossed over. Imagine my dismay.

What's More Unfortunate?

A. That I forgot to put my mascara on today-- which wouldn't have been a big deal except that for whatever reason I DID remember to put on my new eyelash "primer" (don't ask)--so I'd been at work for about 30 minutes before I noticed that I had white eyelashes.


or


B. That I just lied to a random guy in the back of a pickup truck who wanted my phone number by telling him I was married-- and the entire conversation was had in pantomime.

A May Day Pledge

Ok, so I am going to try something new-- I am going to try to post an update EVERY DAY in the month of May! (And not just cause saying that rhymed).

I can't promise it will be interesting, but I can almost guarantee that you are going to get way more information than you ever wanted to know about my visits to Target and the strange men who talk to me in parking lots-- not to mention all of the random thoughts that pass through my head. (aka the Unicorn comment as listed below)

Hold on to your hats people.

(Yes, that was sarcasm)