Questions for Walmart

1. Does anyone really buy the Lemon Pepper rotisserie chickens or are they just space savers until you finish cooking more of the "Traditional" flavor?

2. When you were designing the new motion-sensitive lights in the frozen food sections, did you realize you would make your shoppers feel like they are walking some sort of weird red-carpet that lights up as they go every time they want to buy a South Beach frozen pizza?

3. Have you considered telling your greeters that rushing at a customer who just walked in and then grabbing her purse to strap it in with the seat belt in her cart might be a little disconcerting? Especially with no explanation?

4. What happened, exactly, to make you establish the "one person and one person only per dressing room rule" that is now apparently corporate policy?

5. Do you know that the giant, middle of the aisle "islands" of that one weight loss drug that causes all those gross side effects is really kind of unappetizing-- especially since your big signs list them all?

6. And do you see that putting the weight loss section across from the candy section might not be the kindest move?

7. Has Cover Girl convinced you yet that Queen Latifah actually makes anyone want to buy Cover Girl?

8. Why is the dog food section always next to the garden section? Are you trying to segregate "smelly" aisles?

9. Why do your cashiers refuse to greet me 80% of the time when they know perfectly well that the little credit card screen is going to ask me if I was greeted?

10. Why does your nightgown section remind me of nursing homes?

11. Who buys those weird DVDs you have on sale for $2?

12. Are you planning on starting to carve Miley Cyrus' face onto the potatoes to try and get those to pick up on sales?

13. Do you really think I care that the new movie with the comedienne whose name I don't remember (because his last 4 movies went straight to DVD) will be releasing his new DVD exclusively at Walmart starting next Tuesday? And do you really think it justifies a 10 food sign at the front of the door?

14. Have you ever considered taking some of your carts out to pasture and putting them out of their misery since many of them seem to have half wheels that THUMP, THUMP, THUMP as you go down the aisle and/or pull to one side so much that you very nearly take out the mustard row on aisle 7?