And Now Everyone Will Think It's Them......

So I was looking for my long lost spare car key the other morning when I stumbled onto some old letters from someone who was a good friend. To say that I was shocked to find these letters would be an understatement considering I had forgotten that a) they existed and b) I still had copies of them. To put it mildly, it was, well...... weird.

Changes in people and relationships happen so gradually usually, that sometimes it's hard to see them sneaking up on you. And even when you do notice that a friendship is morphing (for the good or the bad) it's not something that's particularly easy to point out. People grow and change and you can't always condemn them for that. (Unless they evolve into a sucky kind of person, that should be condemned whole heartedly.) But it's strange to be confronted with the past in such a literally black and white way.

They say that hindsight is 20/20, but in situations like this all it does for me is make things murkier. How can relationships that were once so meaningful mean so little now? It makes you wonder if you were always completely wrong about a person-- or at the very least your meaning to that person. Falling out of friendship is a lot like falling out of love in that way, I suppose. Is the absence of caring today proof that it never existed? Obviously not, but when you enter the time warp that letters from the past provide, it really starts to feel that way. I look at words that meant so much at the time and wonder what happened to the person that wrote them. And then I wonder what happened to the person they were written to.

Saving bits of the past is something I can't help but do-- but it's dangerous because it almost always leads to second guessing the past. And that is unquestionably a bad idea for a hobby.

I Tell You This At Great Personal Risk

I just found the most hilarious, sad, and disturbing thing I've seen in quite some time:

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/sorry/sorry.asp

You can rate people's apologies.

(Yes, I do have a perfectly good reason for being at www.romanceclass.com. No it wasn't so I could pick up tips, thank you very much. But just for that, I don't think I am going to tell you what I was doing there)


OH! And I took a "What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life? quiz". Here are the (edited) results, but unless they know something I don't, the answer is not based in reality:


Your kind of movie is When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla


Now all of you quit laughing at me and go and take the quiz. If you do, put your results in the comments. Now I'm all curious (and slightly paranoid-- be careful! Apparently I am secretly in love with one of you.....)

Welcome to the world Delaney Anne Baker!!!!!!!!!


I know you've only been with us about 6 hours now, and I haven't met you--- but I already love you. That's just the way it is, kiddo.

Here are some of my wishes/prayers/hopes for you (and I know I'll have to read this to you later, but that's OK) :

*That you always know God and love him as He loves you

*That you are always always true to yourself....and if you're not sure who you are, then that you are willing to take the time to find out.

*That you know what an awesome Mommy and Daddy you have....even if your Mommy does always make you let her say goodbye first.

*That you inherit your Mother's love for reading (yes, even Lori Wick books will be acceptable)....because your cool almost-aunt Sarah is going to be giving you lots of books.

*That you inherit your Dad's grin.

*That you like cameras cause you're gonna see a lot of them.

*That you are odd enough to be interesting but not weird enough to distress your Mother.

You'll Thank Me For This Some Day: Part 1

If there has been one phrase that I have heard on a consistent basis since I was 12 years old, it would be some variation on one of these:

"What is WRONG with him?" or "What was he THINKING?" or "Why did he DO that?" or my personal favorite "On what planet would any male think that was acceptable behavior?"

In short-- for all of the complaining that men do about women and how complex, evil, mean, (fill in the blank with your favorite complaint here) we are....the fact of the matter is that there is almost always logic to what we do. It might be mean logic, or self-absorbed logic, or clueless logic, or manipulative logic-- but chances are there's a method to our madness. Men, however, have been known to exhibit quite bizarre behavior for no real reason that is discernible to the female eye (and trust me, if there is a angle to be analyzed, we WILL cover it).

But I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that there must be a way to decode that behavior. And even if there isn't a way to decode it, there has to at least be a way to classify it. And so in the name of all of my dear, sweet estrogen-filled friends who have been driven crazy by the opposite sex, I now present.....

The Hardly Begins to Scratch the Surface of It Guide to Men's Emotional Diseases: A Guide for Single and Married Woman Alike.


~F.A.D.D.~ (Female attention Deficit Disorder)

This condition is closely related to the more commonly known condition of Attention Deficit Disorder. It manifests itself in men as an inability to focus on one female for more than 2-3 weeks at a time. For a short time, their attention is intense and focused on the subject, but before long they are bouncing to the next female in line. Some woman are tempted to take this personally, feeling that an interest in what they have to say one day should indicate an interest in what they are going to have to say tomorrow as well. However, it is important to remember that men afflicted with F.A.D.D. cannot be held responsible for this (what could be termed as jerkiness under normal circumstances) behavior. Inconstancy is their curse. Large doses of vitamins and dramatic scenes of attention-demanding have been known to improve this condition in the short term. However, the only long term cure for F.A.D.D. is a large injection of a new drug called Emotional Maturity. Due to the time and effort involved in making this product, however, it is still relatively difficult to find in the market place.

~Emotaphobia~

An extreme fear of expressing and receiving genuine emotion. While much has been made of the condition of "Commitmentaphobia" of the years, little has been known about Emotaphobia which is often the true root condition. Not much is known about the origins of this disorder, but it is estimated that 1 in 3 males have at the very least a mild version of this condition. Common warning signs include inappropriate joking during break ups, a punch on the shoulder instead of a hug when parting for long periods, and long winded explanations of obscure video games when you mention the word "relationship". Scientists have found that immersion therapy works best for mild versions of this disorder, including long walks in the park and repeated viewing of "Beaches".

~Social Bi-Polar Disorder~

A disorder that is characterized by alternating periods of manic attention and extreme disinterest in a specific member of the opposite sex. The two most common street names of this condition are "M&M" (the Mr. Maybe Syndrome) and the Yo-Yo Factor. The names are apt, as victims of this disease suffer from an imbalance that makes them physically incapable of making up their minds as to whether or not they want to date someone. Unfortunately, there is no known cure for this disorder. However, ear plugs for the women have been found to be effective in some situations.

~D.D.I.D. ~ (Dissociative Dating Identity Disorder)

A dissociative mental disorder related to dating in which two or more distinct personalities exist within the same individual. This condition often manifests when a male moves from "friend" mode to "date" mode. A subject suffering from this disorder can be considered a kind, thoughtful, and attentive friend and yet turn into the opposite when dating. Diagnosis and treatment are difficult as men are quite often completely unaware when the conflicting personality takes over. Various solutions have been tried over the years with little to no success. Some women cling to the old wive's tale that claims a good smack upside the head can "knock the jerkiness out", but recent studies have proven this assertion to be dubious in nature.



To Be Continued......

The Purple Rock

Someone asked me today what my "type" of guy is. I've been thinking about it--- because while I gave them a perfectly valid answer for how I felt at 11:45 this morning, chances are you could ask me again tomorrow at 1:30 and I'll have a slightly different opinion.

Some days (ok, bill paying days) I want someone organized and accountant-like. Other days I want someone laid back and easy going about all things. Sometimes structure seems like a good idea and other times it seems like the most boring thing in the world. (Can you want someone who will change your world and protect it at the same time? And is now the time to mention I once wrote a pros and cons list for marrying a South American dictator? Probably not.)

Of course there are always non-negotiables like loving and serving God, liking children, not being rude to waiters, the need to be truthful with himself and others, and a willingness to watch Orlando Bloom movies without making fun of them.

But there are always other things that are negotiable, but that never really waiver. I don't care if you can shoot a basketball, pitch a baseball, or catch a football (although kicking a soccer ball does have a certain oddly European charm)-- but trounce me at Trivial Pursuit and you'll have my attention. I'd also prefer your history not be filled with the shootings of woodland creatures for the fun of it (though a notable exception can be made here for birds. I don't care what you do with those rats with wings.)

The more I think about it, though, the more it seems like the whole notion of "types" does more harm than good. Sure it's important to have standards and dreams, but beyond all the black and white issues there are a million personal preferences that in the end just create limitations on the future that God has in store for us.

"I'm a sexy man of God and I know it."

I have a weird love of bad movie lines. They bring a movie to a screeching halt, cause confusion in the audience, and generally make me think Why am I not working in Hollywood if they paid someone to write that?

Now I know that everyone can't be Cameron Crowe (and no, I am NOT going to take this moment to remind everyone that he is the jointly owned BFF of a couple of lucky LUCKY ladies I just might know). But still-- take a moment to look at the title above and then tell me your not torn between your desire to smack the person who originally typed that and taking a moment to pat their head.