Welcome ladies and gentleman to this evening's special Golden Bullseye awards. This special award ceremony is the first of its kind, endeavoring to honor the wide variety of patrons that can be found at the Target by my house.
The I Really Hope That One of You Just Got Home From Serving Your Country Overseas Because Otherwise that PDA is Completely Inexcusable Award goes to....
The Couple in the Deodorant Aisle, and then the Pen Aisle, and then the Kitchenware section! Congrats! You guys really explored the store tonight and yet probably didn't see any of it!
The You Made Me Do A Double Take Because You Are the Spitting Image of Britney Spears Award goes to.....
The girl working the dressing room. It is truly amazing I was able to spot your likeness to Ms Spears under the piles and pile and PILES of clothes that had not yet been put away.
The You're Deluding Yourself by Trying on That Dress AGAIN Because You Still Don't Have the Body of a Ballet Dancer and That's The Only Person Who Would Look Good in it Award goes to......
Me! (Is it cheating for the judge to award themselves a prize?)
The You're Pushing Your Luck By Insisting On Both Wrapping Your Arm Around the Guy You Are With AND Putting Your Hand In His Back Pocket Because His Pants Already Look Like They Are Holding On For Dear Life & His Belt Has Seen Better Days Award goes to.......
The Woman from the PDA couple award! Two in one night! Impressive!
The I Don't Know if You Were Hitting On Me or If You Were Just That Excited About the Slightly Inappropriate Father's Day Cards You Were Finding and Just Had to Read Them Out Loud to Me and Then Try to Bond Over Target's Greeting Card Selection Award goes to.......
The Strange Middle-Aged Man in the Greeting Card Aisle!
And now we come to our final award of the evening......
The Why Are You Glaring At Me Because I Noticed There Were Only 2 People in the Next Aisle Over and Moved Over Since You Were Waiting in Line Behind at Least 5 People For No Apparent Reason and it REALLY Isn't Cutting, Sir Award goes to......
The Stern and Unhappy Man who was inexplicably waiting in a long line with his loaf of bread! Congrats!!
May 29, 2008
The Golden Bullseye Awards
Posted by Sarah at 9:43 PM
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5 comments:
Very nice! All great awards.
LOL....I love how you can make writing about a trip to Target interesting.
The Stern and Unhappy Man needs to back off - he can move if he wants to! :)
And, so sorry you had to experience the unfortunate PDA couple. Go home, PDA couple!
Hilarious!
Have I ever told you that I inwardly celebrate PDA?--I not saying I partake, mind you, but I love open affection, even when it involves holding on to someone's butt. Okay, now the secret's out :)
Laurie! Laurie, Laurie, Laurie.
I guess that doesn't surprise me.....there is "couple behavior" (holding hands, occasional flirting, even a peck or two) which I am perfectly fine with-- but then you come PDA and you have an entirely different matter. I don't want to see your open groping, people, I really don't.
Hilarious! You should consider doing this regularly :)
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