Granny T

Not many people can get to the age of 30 and still be able to say that they have 3 living grandparents...but up until last Saturday, I could.

One of my grandmother's passed away on Saturday night-- and thankfully it was a peaceful end to an extraordinary life.

Hopefully she knew what she meant to me, and that I cherish the memories of daisy chains and pick up sticks.....tea parties and the Andrews Sisters......card games and counting in German......purple martins and springer spaniels......christmas ornaments just for me......the list of random snapshots from my time with her could go on for some time.

The way she always put plastic sheets on the bed (under the cotton ones) well into our teens and the way they would crinkle crinkle crinkle when my sister or I would turn over in our sleep. The way she hid my grandfather's sweets in the oven (or at least that is my memory of it-- in retrospect that doesn't seem to make much sense). The time I couldn't wait to show her that I had finally learned to tie my own shoes. The way she had to correct my grammar at all times (an impulse my father seems to have inherited). The way she adored my grandfather even after he was gone.....and after he died, I never heard anyone else call her Dottie. The way she decided a few years ago that she was to be called Granny T after I'd spend 26 years calling her Grandma.

She was a beautiful, complex, intelligent, loving and independent woman. I was lucky to have had her for as many years as I did.



(and by the way-- she would NOT have approved of the punctuation in this post--that thought shouldn't make me smile, but it does)

Today

Today- I am not in a good mood

Today- I woke up thinking about cleaning supplies

Today- I thought a lot of mean thoughts about people I don't know (who may or may not have been driving near me on the road)

Today- I didn't like any songs I heard on the radio

Today- It took very little to annoy me

Today- I forgot several crucial steps while getting ready for work

Today- I didn't pack a single box

Today- I realized my hair dresser lied to me when he told me he trimmed my bangs (or maybe he was just distracted by his glorious plans that seem to involve me painting my fireplace hot pink)

Today- I lived another day of my very blessed life and was rather ungrateful about it. Hopefully when tomorrow becomes today I'll do a slightly better job.

I Could Watch This All Day

Thought of the Day

"Truth is so rare that it is delightful to tell it."

~Emily Dickinson

A Matter of Perspective

Today I read an article about a woman who made the controversial decision to get married "young". It was called something like "Crazy in love or just Crazy?" I say "young" because the woman that wrote the article was 24 when she got married. Apparently this wild and crazy behaviour scandalized her family and friends who could not believe someone would settle down at such an early point in life.

I supposed I should have been appreciating the wit and wisdom of the article (if there was any)-- but all I could do was laugh. I don't know anyone who would consider 24 "young" to be getting married. And it just reminded me of something I know-- but tend to forget-- and that is the fact that the Midwest Christian view of the appropriate age of marriage is NOT the general world view. I don't know who is right and who is wrong, but it amuses me that in many parts of our country you can be considered too young to get married when in other parts you are an old maid at the very same age.

It was a good reminder for me that you can't live your life based on other people's opinions and expectations since those two things are going to be so different everywhere you go.

Friends

I saw this article today and it struck me as kind of interesting. I've been categorizing my friends ever since...




By Michelle Burford

(OPRAH.com) -- "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves," writer Edna Buchanan once said.

I consider the "family" I've gathered -- with five kinds of pals I count on for completely different things -- among the wisest choices I've made. If you can find even one who embodies any of the characteristics that follow, you can consider yourself fortunate.

The Uplifter: This woman's favorite word: yes. You could tell her you're trading your six-figure income for a career in offtrack betting, and she'd barely pause before yelping "Go for it!" Don't you need someone who looks past the love handles to notice the extraordinarily gorgeous you?

The Travel Buddy: When the hotel in St. Lucia is a bust, one characteristic becomes all-important: flexibility. This agreeable companion need not be the girl you traded pinkie swears with on the playground; it's enough that she's comfortable with quiet (between gabfests) and is a teensy bit mischievous (as in tequila after midnight).

The Truth Teller: Intent is what separates the constructive from the abusive. Once you've established that the hard news is spoken in love (not in jealousy or malice), you'd be smart to seek out this woman's perspective.

The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun: One Saturday a pal and I -- and yes, we're both over age 12 -- pored over every glitter lip gloss in a drugstore aisle for an entire 45 minutes. Forget the crisis download (for that, see the Uplifter); this partnership is about spontaneous good times.

The Unlikely Friend: "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive," Anaïs Nin wrote. My friends -- some twice my age, others half, some rich, others homeless, some black like me, others Korean, Mexican, Caucasian -- have added richness to my life that only variety can

An Open Letter

Dear Woman With Too Many Bumper Stickers,

While I may agree with your sentiment that "Well Behaved Women Don't Make History", I really must insist that you not try to make history by being the world's worst driver. Please-- take yourself and your little station wagon off of the interstate. You see, driving on a freeway when you clearly don't know the location of your gas pedal is demonstrably UNSAFE. Furthermore, to exacerbate this problem by talking on your cell phone while peddling your vehicle like Fred Flinstone down I-44 seems downright silly. So I would like to take this moment to ask that you take your own advice: "Think Globally and Act Locally" by STAYING OFF your local freeway at rush hour. I feel this would be the first significant step towards world peace-- starting with me (and my sanity)

Thank you for your kind consideration.

Sarah

P.S. You may feel that "There is a Village in Texas Missing it's Idiot", but I rather suspect that people who have clearly spent a large portion of their monthly income on little sticky slogans that they like to put all over their rat-trap cars shouldn't talk. Just a thought.

Random Thought of the Evening

I have had several people in my life (over the years) tell me to stop analyzing everything so much. I've always pretty much just dismissed that as an outright impossibility......analyzing people and situations is too much of part of who I am to flip a switch and turn it off.

But I suspect that sometimes it is just an excuse. Analyzing is definitely a part of my personality-- but I wonder how often I'm really just second guessing (and third guessing...and fourth guessing....) myself but rationalize it because I've labeled it as something that sounds more "adult".

Always Be Prepared For Never Being Able To Keep Up

I gave my 7 year old niece, Meredith, a ride home from church tonight. When we finished discussing the pizza we were going to eat for dinner, she was quiet for a minute or so and then the following conversation was had:

M: Aunt Sarah, I just don't get it.
S: Get what, sweetie?
M: How God could have always been here! He must have had a creator. If He's here now, someone had to make Him. How could He have always been here?
S: [silence]
M: Don't you think?


I eventually came up with a response about that being an excellent question that many people have asked before, and that we can never really comprehend it since we're stuck with a severely limited understanding, you know the drill.....all the while worrying that I was not going to satisfy her with this response and that I was going to somehow lead a 7 year old into a crises of the faith....but then I heard giggling. I turned around and she'd picked up a box from my car seat and stuck it on her head. That's when this conversation happened:

M: [in a deep robot voice] I'M A BOX HEAD!
S: [laughing] You are?
M: [deep robot voice] YES. AND I'M HERE TO ANNIHILATE YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


And what lesson can we take from this? Hm. Maybe-- never underestimate the distraction powers of cardboard? Or maybe it's just never overestimate the attention span of anyone under 10. But really-- I think the main point has to be: When the world starts to not make sense-- talking like a robot is bound to cheer you up.

Oh To Be Mysterious

So I realize that the entire premise of this blog is the fact that I realize just how mysterious I'm NOT.....but there's a little part of me that still likes to think that I am. I like to believe that people don't REALLY know what I'm thinking unless I let them.....that I have my own secret little world of ongoing thoughts in my head, and that I have complete control over how much of that world anyone gets to see.

Lately I've begun to suspect that I'm accidentally giving away far more information than I've realized. And it wasn't until I had THAT thought that I realized what a control freak I apparently am.

I don't know what the point of admitting any of this is, really, since you all probably know this about me anyway. The "self-aware" are always the last to know.

A Non-Update

I haven't posted since getting home from my vacation that turned into a hospital stay....but I've been rather unsure how to approach the whole topic (or whether to or not since it's been so exhaustively discussed in "real" life). I really don't feel like being all serious and deep about it-- but on the other hand, there are only so many "public forum" appropriate jokes you can make about having a 6lb ovarian cyst. (One that-- as my sister so lovingly pointed out-- weighed more than Meredith did when she was born).

So I'm turning to my go-to post for when all creativity fails. That's right! It is the return of the "random list of nonsensical observations"!!



1. I saw the new Harry Potter movie last night. It was quite excellent even with the teenage boys squeeing at Harry kissing Cho Chang. Yes, I said "squeeing"....of course they did the more manly "YEEAAHHHH!!!"-- but whatever. That's the boy equivalent of squeeing. Just because you do it in a lower tone of voice does not make it any less fan-girlish.

2. I've become hooked on the TV show Bones over the the last few weeks (thank you Netflix). It's strange that I got hooked on it because I don't usually like "solve the crime of the week" shows and I definitely don't like "look at these dead people while solving the crime of the week" shows. The only explanation I can give you is that it made me laugh.....and not in an accidental way.

3. This is the best movie that I've seen in a long time with a soundtrack I am already obsessed with.


















4. I read today that shoulder pads are coming back in style. I am horrifed. That is all.


5. Wait-- that isn't all. I also read that apparently "jumpsuits" are also big for the fall. I am aghast. THAT is all.



6. And just so that my family vacation is not completely neglected...I will leave you with a taste of my time in Arkansas:

The Clip That Made My Week

As many of you may remember, I have a slight issue with a certain local weatherman....and now, Jon Stewart is officially ON MY SIDE!!

Albino Smurfs Moved In Next Door

A Confession

There's something I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now---
A sneaking suspicion that I just didn't want to face.



I kept telling myself that it wasn't true....that it couldn't be true...that the thoughts that
started popping into my head didn't mean anything....that they were just random--
because to face otherwise meant realizing that I might have been wrong all this time....and who wants to admit that?



But this morning I was reading an article on MSNBC and I just could no longer live a lie. I had to face the fact that what I thought to be true wasn't. That I was wrong....that I owe someone an apology.




I'm sorry, Prince Harry. You really are way way hotter than your brother, Prince William.

Food For Thought

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.

He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.

He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells in him.

~Daniel 2:20-22

Things That Did Not Happen To Me Today

1. I did not get married (I just thought I'd clarify that since it seems to be such a popular past time these days)

2. I did not get approached by a weird man at McDonalds

3. I did not give anyone on the road between here and work a sarcastic thumbs up

4. I did not forget to set my alarm (like yesterday)

5. I did not believe someone when they told me something even though I believed that THEY believed it

6. I did not figure out why people are mean

7. I did not see an elephant

8. I did not use all of my time effectively

9. I did not physically touch a single person all day long (I just realized that right this second while making this list....who says these blogs aren't thought provoking....?)

Things That Happened To Me Today

1. I accidentally listened to a Clay Aiken song.

2. I was thwarted in my attempts to find a professional and mature way to call someone an idiot via email

3. My favorite restaurant neglected to give me a fork for my "to go" salad causing me to contemplate the practicality of trying to eat a salad with my fingers.

4. I drove for nearly 20 minutes with my left arm unnaturally extended over the right side of my body just to prevent getting a sunburn through my window. I hate it when I forget my sunscreen.

5. I used baby powder in my hair so I could sleep another 20 minutes and not have to get up earlier to wash it.

6. I emailed approximately 5 people to tell them about someone I don't know and will never meet breaking their back and being in the hospital as if they were a close friend. (I'm sorry-- I happen to really like Jim and Pam on The Office! So sue me.)

7. I sent 3 emails to myself

Advice on Women:

To all of you single men out there looking for love-- let me offer you a tip. Hanging out the window of your car as you exit the drive-thru at McDonalds to tell a passing female (whose identity does not matter for this cautionary tale) that she's "looking pretty cute" and then asking her if she's single (since the nameless female is just going to lie to you anyway and tell you that she is not, in fact, single) is NOT the way to meet the love of your life.

I'm 99.9% sure.

Have you ever had someone tell you something so far out of the bounds of information you'd ever want to know that you have no idea how to respond and all you can do the whole time they are talking is try to think of ways to make yourself NOT laugh because even a smirk would not be appropriate in this situation? And then you wonder why you are worried about restraining yourself to an APPROPRIATE response to a completely INappropriate story that you never wanted to hear in the first place and yet there's no denying that you don't want to make the aforementioned "someone" feel bad for completely grossing you out.

A Defense of Mellow Music

It has happened of late that my musical taste has been challenged (by someone who shall remain nameless but lives in Nebraska) as being "too mellow" and my favorite songs are apparently too "slooowww". And while I freely acknowledge that my iPod on shuffle can sometimes take on the tempo of a Eastern European funeral, I feel this is an unfair criticism.

(Sidenote: you may at this point be saying to yourself "Eastern European funeral"? What in the name of failed communism is she talking about? I can only tell you I don't know...that's what came out when I was typing, so that is what I'm sticking with)

Anyhoo......I feel that mellow music often gets a bad rap. No, it isn't peppy and happy and the type of thing to make you bounce all over your car. And true, it can often be so moody and dramatic that it makes you feel way more "deep" and "introspective" than is probably wise while driving your morning commute...but the point remains that mellow music is important! Why? Well, it is my contention that more often than not-- it is the mellow music that is actually SAYING something interesting or thought provoking. We all know I like to analyze things, and this includes my music.

In case you still don't a)believe me or b)know what I am talking about....let's do a little exercise in comparing/contrasting the lyrics of mellow music vs the lyrics of peppy music....and you shall soon see what I am talking about! (bonus points for anyone who can ID the songs!!)


"Mellow" Example A
I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart,
Questions of science, science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart


"Peppy" Example A
All you people look at me like I'm a little girl
Well did you ever think it'd be ok for me to step into this world?




"Mellow" Example B
I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was



"Peppy" Example B
Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through thier high school days
Both members of the 4H club
Both active in the FFA




Are you starting to see the difference? Did I make my point?


...........








(OK, here is where I make my confession that I only half mean what I said above. I love peppy songs as much as the next girl...and I honestly haven't been able to get "peppy" example B out of my head since I copied the lyrics.....but my point is really only this: DON'T DISS MELLOW MUSIC KATIE. I guess I could have started with that, huh?)

Making Myself Smile

Quite a few obnoxious things happened today, but instead of rehashing all of that (and really-- who wants to hear about the things that go WRONG?)....I am going to share the little things that made me happy today.

1. Discovering that The Frames are in a musical/movie that was shown at Sundance. And I will never get to see it in a theater since I live in OK, but that is what Netflix is for, I guess.

2. Looking at the team lineup for the Irish National Rugby team with Cheryl.

3. The clouds right before sunset.

4. The fact that my middle toenail isn't going to fall completely off like I thought it was, which would have made open toe shoes an impossibility for most of the summer (what? I know that's totally gross-- but I'm looking for the positive, people! It's not my fault I don't have much to work with right this second...besides, not wearing open toe shoes ALL SUMMER would have been highly annoying)

5. Finding an extra 50 cents in the bottom of my purse

6. Finishing a piece of jewelry that I actually get to keep



Annnd hm. Well, 6 is kind of pathetically small, but that is all I am coming up with right this second. But you know, it isn't about the quantity-- it is about the quality! And non-falling off toenails is quality positiveness....so there.

Brave New World

I've really got to stop taking my laptop with me when I travel to see various little people......they always become much more interested in it than in me.

I can't compete with an iBook! When will I learn??

Random Self-Focused Facts For The Day After May 1st (sometimes known as May 2nd)

*I don't understand how anyone can NOT like peanut butter

*It worries me that I'm wrong when certain people in my life agree with me

*I often wish that there was a mirror that made us see the things we refuse to see about ourselves.

*I cannot stand to listen to Bill Maher say one single word. The man could open his mouth to tell me about the weather and I'd STILL want to smack him.

*I don't know how to reconcile the warriors of the Old Testament with the message of Christ in the New Testament.

*My greatest pet peeve is being told to calm down.

*I only like birds in theory

*I don't sing along to the radio as much as I used to, and I don't know why that changed

*It annoys me when people are not satisfied with deluding themselves and must make others agree with their delusions as well. It annoys me even more when other people actually do it. I probably greatly annoy people when I don't.

*I eat far too many apples

*I don't think I wash my sheets as often as you are supposed to. I don't even know how often you are supposed to.

*I think Harry Reid is a disgrace.

*I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't obsess about a chosen television show

*I hate the ice cream truck that circles our neighborhood

*I'm not sure how morally correct certain fertility treatments are

*I think many churches are often country clubs with Bibles

*I don't know what I think of a world where we will tell a million strangers our every thought in the comfort of invisiblity but we can't find a way to know our neighbors names.

Things to Know When You Go to Ireland (Cause You Should All Go To Ireland) Part One

1. You need to get a Clark. (too bad I'm pretty sure there's only one.....)

This is Clark. (Well, technically, it's Clark along with Peter the Angry Irishman, who is also a very cool fellow and thankfully was not quite so bitter about Ireland's Rugby loss in this photo....)






Clark started out as a friend of a friend's brother who was going to let us crash at his place in Dublin-- but Clark wound up being far, far more than that. If any of you go to Ireland, you should be so lucky to stay somewhere as all inclusive in its services as Casa Clark. He's the best tour guide, rugby introducer, driver, explainer, stand in the snow and get ice-cycles on his head freezer, language explainer ("pants/trousers" "crisps/chips".....need I say more?) that any group of travelling girls ever had. It's not every man that will sleep on a deflated airmattress in his own apartment just to give the beds to one girl he knows and two girls he doesn't.


2. Everything is always Cheryl's fault. Everything

3. Watch your body language in pictures. I present Exhibit A:




When you are taking a picture meant to convey that you are dangerously near the edge of a dramatic cliff (which in all fairness-- we really were)...you should not pose knees bent with ankles jauntily crossed like you're out for a afternoon stroll in the park. Crossed ankles are never edgy.


4. Stay at Petra House in Galway. Not only is it a lovely place to stay with yummy breakfast, but you are also treated to the dulcet tones of Frank's voice. I feel confident in my assertion when I tell you that Frank is the most soothing man in Ireland. He could be telling you that your hair is on fire and you would just feel incredibly good about it.

A Break From Ireland Talk

I thought I would give you all (yes, all 5 of you) a breather from the Ireland talk (only momentarily, of course)....and give you my March Song Recommendations before the month of March ends.

But in a way, this isn't really much of a break from the Ireland talk because a lot of these were songs I was listening to on my iPod on the train! So HA!

Something Beautiful (The Newsboys)
--An incredibly catchy song about love how it was meant to be. You wouldn't think they could make a borderline deep dance song, but there you go.

Eyes (Rogue Wave)
--I'm obsessed with this very short song right now. I keep making other people listen to it. "Missed the last train home......birds pass by to tell me that I'm not alone."

So Are You To Me (Eastmountainsouth)
--I hesitate to recommend Eastmountainsouth as they broke my heart. I found them a couple of years ago only to discover that this singing duo had already broken up! Boo. But their CD is beautiful....as this song will illustrate quite nicely.

Rum and Coca-Cola (The Andrews Sisters)
--I can hardly have a list and leave The Andrews Sisters off of it.

Street Map (Athlete)
--So soothing. "I would like to think our paths our straight, disconnected from choices we make. There is no reason why it can't be like you said. One day........it's going to happen. Don't know when....I'll be on your street. I know one day.....it's going to happen. You're gonna be swept off your feet."

Moonlight (Beethoven)
--Ok, this might seem a dramatic choice, but I've always loved this piece of music. And it makes for great "contemplation of the countryside as you whiz by on a train" music.

Steal My Kisses (Ben Harper)
--This song is irrationally catchy given the topic. "She said I love the way you think, but I hate the way you act."


Oh, and just so you don't think I've completely forgotten that I WAS LEAVING FOR IRELAND AT THIS TIME LAST WEEK....here's one of my favorite pictures from last week as a parting gift. It's called Peter the Angry Irishman Who Does Not Know How We Do Things In America

Two Ways to Approach Travel (Mom, You Might Want To Skip This One)

One of my favorite places we visited last week were the Cliffs of Mohair. For those unfamiliar with Ireland, here's one of my snapshots I took while we were there:





There are two basic ways to approach the cliffs (given a pretty, NON windy day like we had). The first consists of what could be called the "Recommended Route"-- or what we started calling it, THE SAFE WAY (meaning you were on the approved "tourist path" with a four foot tall wall between you and anything interesting....)




This was nice and all, but to be honest....seeing the Cliffs this way was kind of depressing and just kind of made me feel like a Treadmill Tourist. Much MUCH better was the second option---what I like to call FUN Tourism:











And sure, it may have involved scaling a small wall and going onto private property-- but some things were just not meant to be seen from behind a concrete barrier.


(Mom? Are you still breathing? I told you not to look!)

I Love Being 30

I never would have believed it, but turning 30 was a complete and utter blast. I have very few pictures of the actual "day" yet (most of them are on Erin's camera), but here's one that I do have:




This is lunchtime in Dublin and Erin and I are enjoying some of the yummiest food known to man. I'd tell you what it was called, but sadly I've forgotten. Erin (and her "sophisticated palatte") will have to post a comment reminding me!


Many more posts about the trip will be coming (I think), but for now I just wanted to share some proof that I did turn 30 quite successfully.

Being a grown up ROCKS!

Help

I'm thinking of making a list of places I want to see in my life. (Maybe I'll start with the old standby number of top 10....)

This is going to take research to figure out just the right places....but in the mean time, I am asking for help. Have any of you people (both the people who know me that read this and the people who don't know me who stumble on to this and happen to read this) read about places you think just sound amazing? Tell me about it!

Strange Is Good

It's 10pm in Hong Kong, and I really should be going to bed since I have another jam-packed day of looking at jewelry ahead of me tomorrow. (you know, it's amazing how much BLING can fit into one convention hall, it really is)....but I'm not going to bed at the moment.

What AM I doing you ask? Well, besides downloading the latest episode of Heroes to watch on the flight from Tokyo-- I'm looking at other people's blogs to see what other people have been doing and thinking while I've been gone. It's weird that I would think the world at home would just kind of stop when I'm not there......and I don't. Not really. (Ok, I do a little....sue me) But travelling really does feel like a weird sort of time warp to me most of the time. Things that happen here seem so seperate in a lot of ways from things that happen at home....from the people that are at home. I'm rambling....and I am aware that I sound like I've been up to all kinds of shennanigans or something-- which I haven't....(I'm saving the shennanigans for Ireland, it just sounds more appropriate, don't you think?).

I don't even really know what I'm trying to say. But I told people I would update and I haven't-- so now you are just getting a stream of consciousness (is that how you spell that? I'm too tired to check it) entry that makes little to no sense.

You're ever so welcome.

Let's try this:

10 Things About My Trip You Don't Yet Know

1. I had an amazingly cool plane ride from Prague to Paris featuring a fascinating conversation with my seat mate (who was not Jini)

2. I do not enjoy the bacon at the JW Marriott, Hong Kong

3. I got to shop at the H&M in Prague and had a good time doing it

4. The Mucha Museum in incredibly small

5. When people scan my passport, they sometimes get information about an Indian man. This can be problematic and confusing.

6. At the risk of sounding like a bitter old hag, I have developed a philosophy that includes this thought: Schmoopy couples that are in love should not be allowed to walk hand in hand along the street or the MTR tunnel or the hotel hallway if they are not able to walk at a normal pace while doing so. Your need for togetherness should not hinder my ability to get where I'm going faster than a snail.

7. I've now actually been to and used an airpot that only opens for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the afternoon...and when you land, they just let you out on the tarmac and point you towards the building.

8. BMW 7-series vehicles have an absurd amount of leg room. I recommend them for all wealthy and tall people I know

9. I had my first McDonalds cheeseburger today in a year and a half.

10. I think there might be NBA players staying at my hotel. That, or I just have a need to stereotype freakishly tall men in their 20s who wear lots of Nike gear. It's a toss up.

Food For Thought

This was my gmail quote of the day, and it amused me. So now I am sharing:


"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
~Hedy Lamarr~

The Tipping Point

Something that has become increasingly apparent in my life lately is how much the process of tipping people stresses me out. I don't object to it on moral grounds. I'm not cheap. I don't mind tipping someone when I know it's built into the equation, they've offered good service, yada yada yada.

So what stresses me out about it, you ask? Two things:

1. I resent it when it's not my choice. If I go to a hotel and choose to let the little guy in the lobby take my bags up to my room, of course I owe him a tip. But if I choose to take my bags up on my own (because honestly that's my preference....I don't enjoy a parade of hotel workers leading me to my room when I'm tired and jet lagged)....I don't want to get a disapproving look as if I've robbed you of your nightly wage. Same thing with Sonic. I'd be happy to go in and get my food, but that's not an option. So why am I expected to tip the guy or girl that brings it out? I don't tip the drive through person at McDonald's, you know. What's the difference?

2. I don't know how much to tip people! Some of us can't do math quickly in our heads.....so I panic and either drastically under tip or completely overtip (depending on my mood). Sure 10% is easy enough to process......but that's too little. Is 15% OK? Or is that considered cheapo now too? And as if doing this in dollars wasn't enough to discombobulate me, now I have to do it in multiple currencies while travelling for work! Do you have any idea what it does to my brain to try and convert currency in my head while also trying to figure out the correct amount to tip the taxi driver vs the dude that was standing there and loaded your bag in the trunk? (Please see #1 in regards to this dude. I don't mind loading it myself, you didn't give me a choice, so I am annoyed that I must pay you for a service I didn't ask you to perform. It's like going into an Arby's only to have someone meet you at the front door and insist on ordering for you and then expecting to be paid for offering you the convenience you didn't want in the first place)

My question is: anyone have any advice to help me overcome this challenge?

Do I Get A Reward For Two In One Day?

So I spent most of my free time today working on jewelry designs, and as has become my habit of late, I was listening to my iPod on "shuffle". This is always entertaining when it goes on for hours due to several reasons:

1. There are no songs on my iPod that I didn't put there myself, and yet I always wind up with multiple songs that leave me wondering "Who is THAT?" I blame iTunes and their free weekly downloads.

2. There are no songs on my iPod that I didn't put there myself, and yet I always wind up with multiple songs that I HATE, have no idea why they are on my computer, swear I'm going to remove them immediately and then promptly forget about until the next time I'm making jewelry.

3. Musical whiplash is a frequent happening as going from the Andrew Sisters to The Offspring to the score of Schindler's List is not unlikely.

4. I rediscover songs that I've forgotten that I love (I know, I know....can you really forget something if you love it? That's a post for another day when I'm feeling a bit deeper....)

What brings us together today, however, is my desire to share with you some songs that I think you should give a listen to-- at least once. I know I can't make you love them as much as I do....afterall, songs are like books: one person's revelation is another person's annoyance. But you should at least give them a try.

So without further ado, I present February's List Of Songs I Love

(wait, I lied-- I do have one more ado: I don't think these songs have anything terribly objectionable...but I make no promises. It's music, people, No Getting Offended!) :-)

1. Shadow Boxer (Fiona Apple)
*I know some of you are rolling your eyes right now....but the woman's got some great beats and even better lyrics. Yes, she is odd in concert, this is true. But still. "Once my lover, now my friend. What a cunning way to condescend." I love that line. I really, really do.

2. Airport Song (Guster)
*I've had an irrational love of this song for nearly 3 years now. So sinister and so dang catchy! "You'll Be Selling Books At The Airport"!

3. Bei Mir Bist Du Schön (The Andrews Sisters)
*I grew up in the 80s, so it doesn't quite make sense that these ladies take me back to my childhood, but they do. And I defy you to listen to this song and not be singing along by the second verse.

4. On Your Porch (The Format)
*I will never, ever get sick of listening to this song. I love it. A great song about family. "And if you fail, well then you fail...but not to us"

5. Arms of a Woman (Amos Lee)
*Another one that is impossible not to sing with feeling, despite the fact that I'm not personaly looking to be at ease in the arms of a woman.....

6. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You (Colin Hay)
*Erin loves this song. I'm just copying her.

7. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye (David Gray)
*"You and I had to be the standing joke of the year"

8. Sweet Dreams (Eurythmics)
*Until this afternoon, I forgot how much this song entertains me

9. Ada Plays (Gabriel Yared- Cold Mountain Score)
*Just a gorgeous piece of music...makes me wish I'd never quit piano because I was "so busy" as a 3rd grader.

10. Hide and Seek (Imogen Heap)
*Weird in a totally wonderful way.

It Seemed Fitting

This quote from Helen Keller was used in the lesson this morning, and it was so fitting given the last post, I had to add it:

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Helen Keller, The Open Door (1957)


I don't know if I agree or not, but I thought it was interesting.

The Intoxication of Security

I've been thinking a lot this week about the comfort zones we create for ourselves and the lengths we go to to preserve them. We can go days, weeks, or even years without even being aware of the corners we back ourselves into....and then all it takes is one tiny thing that sits just out of reach of that zone....one tiny thing that catches your eye for inexplicable reasons (or perfectly logical ones) and suddenly all you can see are the walls that you built ever so carefully because they are what is keeping you from reaching that one tiny thing.

A safe life may be long, but it is rather dull.

Another Reason Apple Rocks

Somehow my iPod lives.

Apparently, he just needed a little time overnight to gather his wits about him. He has now been christened Amerigo because of his soggy journey.

Proof That TODAY Was Out To Get Me In Teeny Tiny Ways From The Start

1. Something told me this morning not to get out of bed TODAY. I had to argue with that something for quite some time before I DID get out bed. Something, I owe you an apology. You were right.

2. I had to go to the dentist

3. I had to wait an extra half hour at the dentist because the man in front of me was rear-ended on his way (I know what you are thinking. Surely THAT is the man who had a bad day, not you. My response to that is that I said "teeny tiny" ways....OK?!)

4. A thousand little and big things went wrong at work that I would gladly go into into great detail about, except that it's still TODAY for another few hours and with the way that TODAY is going, someone from work would see it and email it to everyone else I work with.

5. And last but certainly not least....I was leaving the house to go work out tonight (since I didn't go do it this morning as planned since I was arguing with "something"), and I was opening the door to the garage when I heard my load of laundry finish. I almost kept going, but I thought "No. I'll be productive and move them to the washer and get the next load started". (This may not seem important....but just be patient). So, I start the next load and go to the gym. Upon arriving at the gym, I realize that my new iPod Shuffle is not in my gym bag as usual. I had it the night before, but now it's gone. I look at lost and found with no luck.....do my workout (which I wind up cutting shorter than usual since I'm too annoyed about where my iPod could be to concentrate). I get home only to discover that yes.... I had just WASHED my new iPod. It's very clean now, and very dead. According to various websites I've read now, this isn't necessarily a fatal thing. But everyone agrees that the most important thing is to NOT PLUG IT IN RIGHT AWAY. I bet you can't guess what the first thing I did was, can you?


Looking over this list, you might conclude that I am being massively whiney about a day that wasn't all that bad in actuality. But you know what? Attitude is everything-- and I have a terrible one today. So there you go.

A Rambling Question With No Real Answers

I've been thinking lately about how different people are when it comes to letting others into their lives. How do we pick the people we let in? There's no automatic default when it comes to something like that-- even family is ultimately subject to whatever "test" we've come up with to determine whom we trust with our thoughts, time, words, worries..... the list goes on and on. And just because you love someone doesn't mean you let them in. I have some friends who view their parents as good friends...and others who view them as the people who happened to raise them but could never possibly understand them. Some people can't imagine life without their siblngs and others see them as a stranger they happen to share DNA with.

So why do we let certain people in while keeping others at bay? Is it an instinctual thing? Is it a checklist we go through without even realizing it? I've been trying to understand why I trust certain people immediately while others have to earn it....and why even after some people prove over and over that they DON'T deserve it, I still have the impulse to extend it anyway. Or maybe my real question is why do I WANT to trust some people even when they've proven I shouldn't? Part of me thinks that it is a refusal to accept what I don't want to be true. We rationalize behavior we can't understand to try and turn it into something relatable.....maybe so that we don't have to believe that we misplaced our trust in the first place. Mistakes are hard enough to accept, let alone if the mistake is a person.

A History of Intimidation

Laurie's comment on the last post made me laugh and then think "That's a post title if ever I heard one!".

So the question is- do I have a history of intimidating people? The short answer is, I don't know. But a short answer does not a good post make. So how about the long one?

For as long as I can remember, I've been told that I initimidate people, but I've never been quite clear why. I'm also not exactly sure if it's true. I think more often than not, the comment has come from the people who love me trying to explain away the people who don't--- so you see why the source of information might be problematic.

So what are some possible instances of intimidation?

*A girl at church camp who apparently hated me for years because she thought I hated her. She was assigned to be my cabin-mate secret sister for the day and decided to write me a note talking about how much she had hated me for years and talked about me behind my back. She went on to discuss how much she knew I hated her and obviously talked about her behind her back as well. She then declared that she was "willing to bury the hatchet, and not in your head". The best part? Before that day, I had no idea who that girl was that had apparently spent years thinking we were in the midst of a mega grudge.

*A girl in college who hadn't liked me for years who finally admitted that when she met me I seemed "popular and unapproachable". The sad part? I didn't tell her this, but I found it rather amusing and slightly flattering. I know. It was terribly, terribly wrong of me. But it was just such a novelty to be considered popular!

Ultimately, I don't know that intimidation was so much the problem in either of those instances as the girls just really didn't LIKE me. Is that the same thing? It seems like if I believe that these things happen because I'm "intimidating" it's just another way of saying that people have a problem with me because I'm just SO AWESOME. And that thought just makes me laugh....not to mention that it seems like a major cop-out.

As for the specific case in question......do I intimidate the eye-avoider? I don't think so. It's been suggested by a coworker that she might have a problem with my weight loss-- but again, that seems like a stupid reason to stop acknowledging the existence of someone.

The Eye Avoiders

There's a woman at work that I'm convinced doesn't like me. We'll call her "Tina". For the past two weeks, I've been trying everything I can (short of actually, you know, talking to her) to get "Tina" to look at me, to smile, to acknowledge my presense in some way as we pass each other in the hallway. This happens at least three times a day, if not more. Every time I come within a 4 foor radius, though, her head automatically ducks to the floor as if I'm Medusa and can turn her to stone if she looks too closely.

Now I know what your thinking: Maybe she's just shy. But you know what? That is NOT IT. I see her talking to other people all the time. I checked with my office mate today, and she said that "Tina" is always super nice and friendly. FRIENDLY! So what have I done? I can't figure it out.

The other strange factor is this: she's been at this job for at least as long as I have. And I don't know what made me all of a sudden notice her ability to ignore me. Has she been doing this for four years, and I just never noticed? And if so-- why did I suddenly notice now? And why do I care? I don't find this person particularly interesting. I don't know that I'm missing much from a lack of "hello" from her since I get it from 50 other people I don't know everyday. Plus, I'd much rather glide through the halls unnoticed than prance down the corridor holding court like some people do. So why her? I don't know.

It's just weird. There are a lot of people who would probably be justified in not liking me at work for some very good reasons. "Tina", however, is NOT one of them. We work at a friendly place, dang it, and she is NOT being friendly. She's being shifty and I want to know why.

And so I will continue my passive aggressive eye contact game in the hopes that one day I will make her LOOK AT ME. Of course, now I don't know if I want to smile once she does.

All Cooped Up

We're in the midst of the "great ice storm of 2007" here, and while it's not quite the armageddon situation the weather men seemed prepared for, I have been cooped up in the house for most of the last two days. I woke up this morning with the grand plan of cleaning out my room in a major way. However, this great "event" quickly digressed into me spending the afternoon doing two things:

1. Throwing away yarn I will never, ever get around to making into anything

and

2. Discovering yet more scraps of paper with scribbles on them. I know I've mentioned my strange need to cover random pieces of paper with random thoughts, half-told stories (oh, who am I kidding? I've never gotten half way through one of those stories), and mutterings that I can't bring myself to dignify with the word "poetry" (which sounds ever so grand). I suppose it speaks of a terrible self-absorption that I can spend an afternoon getting lost in reading my own scribbles, but it always fascinates and amuses me to read them. Half of the time, I don't remember what spurred the words in the first place. I say all of this as a warning because I have two "scribbles" I'm going to share....

My main reason for doing this is that I suspect Laurie might enjoy reading them (she likes to humor my pretentions at "writing"...and I owe her a thank you for the book she sent me.....I have begun reading by the way, and am once again swept away by envy at another person's ability with words).



********

I used to believe that there comes a point in every life when a decision gets made that forever changes who you are. But I've since realized that point comes every day. Like it or not, you expose yourself time after time with the people you ignore, the choices you refuse to make, and the words you don't say.

********




*******

If we're only ever around people that make us happy, then we can never know a big part of ourselves. If no one ever asked me a stupid question, would I have ever discovered the joys of sarcasm? If no one ever told me a lie, would I have learned to watch people's expressions? If no one ever tried to outsmart me, would I have ever learned to play the airhead?

Without dumb people with their dumb questions, without mean people with their mean words, without selfish people and their thoughtless lives, I would have fewer forehead wrinkles from raising my eyebrows, I would have a lot less to complain about, I would have fewer people to blame my own mistakes on, I would have no sense of humor, no sense of self, and no real worries. My work would take less time, I'd be a lot more bored, and I'd have crows feet from smiling all of the time in between my yawns. Life would be simple. Life would be dull. And I'd have no one to make me feel nice, smart, caring, and generally superior in comparison.

Most importantly, I never would have learned to roll my eyes, and I think we can all agree that would make me unrecognizable.

*********

As Seen On Laurie's Blog

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

An English Major's Confession

I alluded to this in an earlier post, but I haven't been reading much lately. It's a very strange thing to admit because reading has always been such a constant in my life. I've really begun to realize lately, though, that it's not just a matter of it being something I've always enjoyed doing. In a strange way, it really is a vital part of how I perceive myself and how the people who know me perceive me. Sarah loves to read. This is a fundamental in getting to know me.

But lately, I've started to wonder, how can someone who reads as little as I do these days count themselves as a book lover? Is reading the only thing that makes you one? I hope not, because that would mean that for the past year or so I've been a great big faker.

But you know, I don't just love books because of what they say. I love how they look-- be it old ones or new ones. I love how they smell (most of them, at any rate). I love the quiet atmosphere of book stores and all of the possibility of ideas that you know is just sitting there on the shelf. I love the weight of a leather bound book in my hand. I love the way you can guess things about people by the books on their coffee table or bookshelf (including whether or not the books were put out to "impress"). I love that a person's interest in books gives you an instant insight into their personality. I love what people accidentally reveal about themselves through the books they read at the airport. I love giving a book I really love to someone else and then getting nervous as if I've handed them my child until I know whether or not they will love it like I do. I love imagining where really old books used to live.

I love books. Now I just need to find one to read.

3 Decades

Last time I was at my parent's house, I grabbed all four of my high school yearbooks out of my closet and brought them home with me. Reading them (or the comments within them) was both hilarious and depressing. Hilarious because of the truly random and odd things I chose to stick in the yearbooks for safe keeping. Depressing because of how difficult it is to relate to the person that these books belonged to.

If you were to ask me, I would have told you that I feel like I know who I was when I was 16. My memories seem real and comfortable. But the problem with memories is that they age with you as you grow older and become no more reliable than......(Ok, I've literally been sitting here staring at my screen for 5 minutes now trying to think of something really unreliable to use there and nothing is coming to mind. I'm drawing a complete blank....) well, something no more reliable than something REALLY unreliable.

Anyhoo.

Looking at the yearbooks, I'm hit with fairly solid proof that people and things weren't exactly as I recall them now. The nuances that the years have stripped away return. Not completely, of course....too many years have gone by for that. But it's more about the shadow of them, I guess. Just enough to remind me that there was so much more there than I've remembered.

And it makes me wonder if 10 years from now I'll be a stranger to myself once again. If I'll look back on these scribbles and have to work to remember how that girl felt...how she dealt with the world......how she remembers the world.

And A Happy New Year To All

I was told that someone was sick of looking at my previous entry and that I needed to get someone new on here. Good thing my best friend's not a nag or anything!

I'll tell you what I told her-- it's not that I haven't been writing lately, because I actually have been writing more in the last few weeks than in all of the previous 6 months. But as usual, I'm writing as a way to process things (this will come to a surprise to exactly none of the 6 people who read this blog!)....and I can't process things very well when I know I'm just making people curoius about WHAT I'm thinking about. Sometimes I'm happy to share and sometimes I'm not.

I wish I could write blog entries like Laurie's. They are always so well written and thought provoking......that girl's mind is ALWAYS going and I love it. (Should I have said "woman" there? Katie is sure to tell me......at least I didn't say "chick"!). Anyway, I'm not going to share the topic of the biggest chunk of thoughts in my head the last week or so, but just so that the aforementioned someone doesn't have to look at "Thoughts at the end of Week 1" anymore..... (I'm teasing. I love that you still check. Really. It's very optimistic of you!).....here are a few of my thoughts over the past week:

*I remember virtually nothing about Gerald Ford. I remember learning virtually nothing about Gerald Ford in all of my years of public and private education. Yet I still found myself oddly touched by all of the flags at half mast. This leads me to believe it's the actual symbol I'm touched by as opposed to the person it honors. Funny how we can be uneffected by something in our heads, but we still feel that instinctual tightening of the chest anyway.

* Celebrity really is a tragic thing 99% of the time.

*You know a friendship is dead when you want to ask a person "What are you DOING?" but either can't or won't.

*Infant baptism is a very strange concept. Why would anyone think they could make that decision on behalf of someone else?

*I don't read enough anymore.

*In general, humanity is completely obsessed with how awesome we think we are. Every countdown VH1 has ever created is a perfect example of this.

*I know what I said above-- but my new iPod Shuffle really is awesome. (And I don't know when I went back to 1993 and started using the word "awesome" again.)

*I'm kind of sad to see 2006 go. As far as a time of life changes go-- it was a big one.

Thoughts At Then End of Week One

As of tomorrow I will have been gone for one week. Tonight we are in Shenzhen (I think-- I've been having some "what day of the week is it?" and "what town am I in?" orientation problems)....so in honor of my one week anniversary with China, I offer you....

Thoughts and Observations, Part One

1. I like China much MUCH better the second time around but I don't know if it has anything to do with the actual country. I'm having a great time but I can't decide if it because of the novelty of the "first class"ness of the trip or not. Surely that has something to do with it....but it is interesting how much your mind-set can change your experience in a country. That being said, I'd hate to think that I'm a snob or that I can be bought, but apparently that's not true. I can be bought-- for the price of one first class ticket and a 5 star hotel. :-)

2. I have a completely awesome job. If this is what being a grown up is about, I can totally get behind that. (good thing I decided that before I turned 30, huh?)

3. Technology and electronics make me happy. I can call people from the Great Wall even if they choose not to answer. I can IM friends and get exciting news in real time. I can get emails that tell me of hilarious dreams someone may or may not have had. I can listen to Coldplay in the back of a taxi. I can download the latest episode of Prison Break and not have to wait until I get home! I can send pictures and stupid videos home while still gone. These are all good things (with the possible exception of the videos).

4. They have 6 story bead malls in China. Really.

5. 8 years later and I still don't like being stared at.

6. I have a much easier time clearing Chinese airport security than Jini does. And I proved this 5 times this week so far.

7. They don't have traffic laws in China. I think they have traffic suggestions....but even the police don't seem too interested in those.

8. There are a lot of middle aged white men hanging out in hotels across this nation. I can't imagine what they are all doing, but I'm sure it's important.

9. I really need to learn to use chopsticks.

10. I don't enjoy pickled jellyfish, but bamboo's not bad. River crab is too much work.....even when a nice Chinese man rips it apart and tears off the legs so I don't have to do it for a second time. Tearing the head off of shrimp is gross. Peanuts as a side dish is something I can get behind. Picking a living, swimming, kind of cute fish out of a tank to eat only to see it's steamed eyes on it's steamed body staring back at you from your table 20 minutes later is kind of depressing.

Walt Disney Wasn't Kidding

It is truly a freakishly small world sometimes.

Deconstructing Yourself

I've been wondering lately how much of a virtue it is to be a direct person. It's something that I value in people, and it's something that I value in myself. But the more I look at the relationships around me, it doesn't always seem that being direct is what people have come to expect or want-- even when it comes to dealing with their own life.

I read a quote from an actor yesterday that's been banging around in my head all day today. He said that while growing up he had spent so much time doing what was expected of him that he forgot to figure out what he expected of himself....and he then had to spend his 20s dismantling the "budding bureaucrat" that he had become. I think that rang so true with me because it seems like many children who grow up in households of high expectations (whether they be religious, moral, social, educational...) lose themselves into a life that is not of their own choosing. Obviously the answer is not to have low expectations of your children. If modern American society has taught us nothing else, it's proven that children need parents more than good friends who happen to have given them life. But somewhere along the way, we forget that just because we helped create a life-- that life does not become a command performance. (And sometimes the loudest commands are never spoken.)

So what does this have to do with my pondering about the virtue of being direct? Nothing. Nothing and everything.

(and the irony of not spelling it out has not escaped my attention)

Random Thought #3

How many people are willing to live with the certainty of regret because they are so much more afraid of the unknown?

Random (cliche) Thoughts: Volume 2

We make so many little decisions in our lives that seem unimportant....so inconsequential. But the thing about all of those little decisions is that you never know which little decision is going multiply until it infiltrates every corner of your life.

Every choice is a step leading you somewhere. The question is: Where do you want to go??

Katie's "sick of the nap post"

I was told to just start posting random thoughts. So here you go

Random Thought #1:

I think some people fall in love with the idea of love as an escape. If someone else loves them and wants to learn to get to know them, it saves them the trouble of having to get to know themselves.

Sunday Afternoon Naps

(This is a post written a few weeks ago that I never got around to posting. And Katie wants a post....so a post she will get)


I am not a nap taker.

The story goes that when I was little, and I would get sleepy, I would just put myself down for a nap. I have no idea if that is true or not, but as it is-- I no longer do that. I will waste time a million different ways during the day, but I don't like to sleep. In some ways-- it sort of feels like rebooting my computer in the middle of the day-- it takes me awhile to get back in the gear of things.

I have no idea why I am bothering to share any of this except for the fact that I just woke up from a nap. I fell asleep on the couch right after finishing a hilarious book about being a Christian, being single, travelling, and figuring out your life. And so my brain has been rebooted in the middle of the day with those things on my mind. And that's a dangerous combo.

As the previous post would suggest, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the things we tell ourselves, the things we tell other people, and the "truth"-- and how a lot of times there is a fair bit of gray area between all of those things. Is a lie any better when the only one you've told it to is yourself?

It occurred to me today that you can tell someone many true things without ever telling them the truth.

A Mid Week Thought

One of the most annoying things that married people say is that you will find love when you stop looking for it. And yet, every single time I have ever been hit on (for lack of a better phrase) it has happened at a time when men and/or my own attractiveness was the absolute last thing on my mind.

There's probably a lesson to be learned there, but I mostly just find it irritating. When I'm caught off guard, I do one of two things:

1. I say nothing but look slightly cross.

2. I say stupid things. Honest things..... but stupid things.

The former is just awkward. The latter is entertaining for those that know me well, but just confusing for anyone else.

(And if the situation is really extreme....the two get combined. I say stupid, honest things and look mad about it. And you wondered why I make a bad first impression.....)

Could YOU say no to this face?

I Hate To Quote Garth Brooks

I had a short but interesting conversation the other day with two friends while we were in a mall food court, of all places. The gist of it was that God has really saved us from ourselves more times than we probably even realize. But we were all able to quickly bring to mind past situations and relationships that we were so sure of at the time-- and yet in retrospect were the last thing we needed.

And it's such an obvious thing for someone who has faith-- but for some reason, I've never spent a lot of time thinking about the fact that I have a God who knows me far, far better than I know myself. I think maybe it is because I pride myself on being rather aware (for lack of a better word) of my own thoughts and feelings and the motivations behind what I do and say. I like to think I can anticipate most eventualities....but the fact is, I can't.

That's what this conversation brought home to me. There have been times in my life where I could have told you without a doubt what I wanted, what I needed. But, to paraphrase a dear friend, I was an idiot. Thankfully, God was there protecting me from myself.

But it makes me wonder-- was there a still, soft voice I was ignoring? Was there a niggling at my heart that I just refused to acknowledge? I think there have been times where I've heard that voice and let it guide me. But how many times have I ignored it because it wasn't what my heart wanted me to hear? How much pain and confusion could have been avoided?

I've always been someone who tried to follow my heart. But I've realized that there's no point in following your heart unless you've given it over to the One that created it.

In Case You Didn't Believe Me

It's Tornado Night! The Weathermen are very excited!!






I'm having trouble picking my favorite quote of the night. But for right now, I think it would have to be "Oh Boy!".

And if the house is wiped away tonight, you will know that :

a) Tornados do have access to the world wide web and
b) Tornados don't have much of a sense of humor

Will keep you updated as time and electricity allow......


Oh, and before I forget: for anyone who ever doubted, there IS a Xerox plant in this town and all storm positioning must be done around this very important land mark.

Frustration of the Day:

There's no real effective way to honk at the car behind you.

Early Morning Thought

I wore a (borrowed) watch earlier this week for the first time in about 5 years for reasons that don't merit explanation. And even though I only had it on for an hour and a half, it was enough to convince me I wouldn't mind going another 5 years without. I have no idea why it annoyed me so much, but it did. And even though I have at least one if not two perfectly functional watches, and my day would go easier today if I wore one, I'm not going to.

So there you go.

Oops

I didn't realize how long it had actually been since I posted. And even now, I'm not sure I have anything that interesting to say. The only thing of note I can point out at the moment is that I sat near a Scottish family last night. In fact, I spoke to a few members of that family--- but it was so loud I completely missed the best part of meeting someone from Scotland-- their accent. Someone else had to point it out to me. So you wouldn't think I would have had much of a reaction to it.

But....no.

I honestly don't know why-- but it made me giddy....almost hyper. Just ask my roomate who made the mistake of trying to take me through the Taco Bueno drive-thru afterwards. I was completely discombobulated by the mere presence of someone from the British Isles. It's not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last. And I have no idea why it happens.

And Here Comes 30

I didn't have a lot of expectations for my 29th birthday. But here's one thing I didn't expect:

Snow!



Color me unimpressed.

Tis The Season

Now, I know what you must be wondering.... what season? The Spring Season? The Easter Season? The March Madness Season? And to all of these, I answer.....maybe, but that's not what I am talking about.

it is now rapidly approaching what I like to call the "meteorological Freak Out Season".

Yes, it is that fine time of year when -- if you are lucky enough to live in "Tornado Alley"-- you are subjected to the hyperactive rantings of over stimulated weather men. If there is a "dustnato" anywhere in the state, they will interrupt programming to let you know. And if there is a wall cloud in sight, you can hear the drool dripping off of their chins as they talk about it on every radio station for 100 miles.

Having seen the devastation the Spring storms can bring, you would think they would be happy when no weather materializes....when a storm blows itself out without turning into more....when a funnel cloud forms but never touches down. But what never ceases to amaze me is how poorly they mask their disappointment when there is no damage. Don't get me wrong-- I appreciate what they do and would want their warning if it was just a drop of hail headed my way. What I object to is that absolutely unhinged lust they have for these storms. You can see the glint in the eyes of the weather vultures-- the adrenaline rush they get that nicely compliments the inflated self-importance.

And yes...Gary England, I'm talking to you.

A Question For the Ages

I think there must be two completely different sets of single people in the world.

I keep hearing about people who are unmarried because they are "selfish" and "self absorbed". Apparently there are entire books about people who haven't married because they can't meet anyone who lives up to some grand standard they have created in their mind....people who are so stuck on some romantic ideal that they look right past the people they see every day. And I hear about it so often, I suppose it must be true. I know there are likely a great many people who may have these issues. But you know what? I also know that a great number of them are not single. I would wager that there are just as many disatisfied married people out there who suffer the same fate. They are selfish and self-absorbed. Their spouse can't live up to the grand standard they have created in their mind. And they are so focused on a romantic ideal, they look right past the hundred of kind and thoughtful things their spouse might do for them every day.

But there's another kind of single person out there-- one that includes the vast majority of single people in their 20s or 30s that I know. These people aren't unmarried because they are picky. They aren't single because they have unrealistic expectations. And if they are a little selfish sometimes, it's mainly because they've lived on their own for a long time and it's one of the privileges. The bottom line is that they are simply looking for a connection that they just haven't found yet. That's it. No more, no less. Some people are lucky-- they find it early. And while it takes strength of character to make a marriage work, the sheer existence of it isn't some mark of worthiness. And that's what I find so tiring. There are thousands (who knows-- probably millions) of unmarried people out there who deserve more than an assumption of dysfunction. They deserve respect for the strength of character it takes to be alone in a world made for couples. As my mother taught me: the worst case of loneliness is better than the best bad marriage.

I used to waffle back and forth in my mind over whether or not friendship should be a simple thing. I guess it was kind of a silly thing to ponder-- since no matter what it should be, friendships both young and old are never simple.

When I was in grade school, the big decision was about who was going to be your "best friend". It was kind of a sacred thing, really-- an exchange of trust. And in the 80s, it was even about an exchange of jewelry in the form of the best friend necklaces that were halves of a heart. My first best friend was an interesting lesson. She wore "our" necklace around me. She wore her other best friend necklaces around her other friends. I still wonder how many she had. And even at 10, I wondered why she didn't just bother to tell me she wasn't my best friend....why she swapped half a heart with me in the first place. Even then, I would have preferred the truth.

In middle school, true friendship became a rare thing. I ate lunch in the bathroom just so I didn't have to sit by myself. It sounds pathetic, I realize--but I can laugh about quite easily now because even at the time I wasn't a tortured soul. I was kind of impressed with myself for finding a way around eating by myself in the lunch room. I didn't think of myself as someone without friends-- but looking back I felt it. I know now that what I felt was an absence of trust. I think for many, many people-- that is the ultimate lesson of junior high: trust no one. At least, no one your own age.

High school and college were different. There were many friends and there were many trusts created. Some have stood the test of time, many have not. But none of them were ever simple. And yet, the best relationships are the ones that are the easiest....the ones that don't make you try hard.....the people you don't have to constantly please. I try to reconcile those two thoughts. Isn't something easy because it's simple?

But really, I've come to believe that the converse is true. That my best relationships are easy because they are far from simple. They are complex in emotion and in thought. They are creative and impulsive and shape shifting as the years go by. They are occasionally challenging, always educational, and never silent.

The truth of the matter is, a simple friendship cannot last because it cannot change.

I've once again been reprimanded for my lack of updates. I guess we can chalk this up to a lack of things I feel compelled to comment on lately.

I'm going to see Coldplay on Monday night-- but the primary reason I bought the tickets is because Fiona Apple is opening for them. It's hard to explain why I like her music so much. Really, I can sum it up in one word: lyrics. In fact, there are lots of the songs that I love in spite of the melody. But for people who don't pay attention to the lyrics of songs, that makes no sense.

My favorite line of the week?

"I think he let me down when he didn't disappoint me"

I've always had a thing for song lyrics. When I was 12 I had a notebook that I wrote down all of the lyrics that I thought were deep and meaningful. Of course, they were mostly Bon Jovi and Billy Joel songs, but work with me. I was 12. And since this was before the days of the internet, it meant I had to listen to the songs over and over until I could get all the words down. Even then, I'm sure more than a few were wrong. But I was proud of that notebook. I never showed anyone, but I was proud of it nonetheless.

So I'm looking forward to Monday night. It will be interesting to see if the live experience enhances the meaning or distracts from it.

Griffin Reid Thomas: My New Favorite Baby

As of one hour ago, I have a new nephew.

I'm laying here in bed listening to the rain and thunder, and I can't go back to sleep because there's a new little person in the world that I love.

You have joined a crazy, wonderful family little guy, and I think I can safely promise that you will always have way more love than you know what to do with.

Griffin, I want to hold you rather badly-- but as your are way too far away for that, I will simply be content with thanking God that you are here.

January 28 just became an amazing day.

Glamour Girl Morning

So today I decided to bless you all with, uhm.....not my every thought. But I did bring my lovely camera (thanks mom! thanks dad!) along with me today to document the glamerous life a career gal.

Step one: Get up before the sun decides to





Step two: Convince myself that I am wide awake and ready to face the day by abusing the flash function on my camera










Step three: Admire the pretty sunrise and try to ignore the sight/aroma of the fabulous Purina factory











Step four: Do not yell at the struggle of a driver who does not realize he should make his truck go higher than 50 on the TURNPIKE so that your 30 minute drive to work doesn't become your 50 minute drive to work!









Step five: Remember that the entire state is one giant fire hazard and not be alarmed by the CAUTION signs that are flashing over every interstate.











Step six: Enjoy the all imporant caffeine fix that Sonic kindly provides










There now..... wasn't that interesting? Aren't you glad you spent the morning with me? Just wait for the day Susan and I document our lunch hour! That will leave you breathless.

A Little of Nothing

I've been terrible about updating lately. Even my last post was more about me finally figuring out how to post a picture than anything else, really. But every time I think about posting something, I start the same interior dialogue I have before writing anything that will be semi public-- and that's how is this going to be interpreted? That constant, nagging thought is one of the hazards of actually sharing something like this with friends/family.

It's weird to write something that you know your parents will be overanalyzing (I had to inherit the gift from somewhere!) at the same time your friends are trying decide if you are talking about them or not. I have a hard time shutting that inner voice off. A close friend (who shall remain nameless but is no doubt smirking) once told me to quit analyzing everything so much. My only response was "Uhm, yeah-- do you know me at all? Of course he did, and that's why he was saying that in the first place.

Turning your brain off and just going with the flow can be a strange problem to have. I don't have that problem in all areas....but in writing it definately poses its hazards. A good writing teacher would probably just tell me, well, actually--- I don't know what a good writing teacher would tell me. In 6 years of studying literature, I never took a writing class. Never even thought about it, actually. But that's something to analyze another day.

Maybe I missed my calling as a therapist.

So when I was driving home for Christmas I got so distracted by the horizon that I literally had to pull my car over. On one side was one of the coolest sunsets I've ever seen. On the other side was a complete rainbow (though I have no evidence of that, so you'll just have to take my word for it).

10 Things Not To Get Me For Christmas

10. A fur coat. (It's not so much an animal rights thing as it is a I've never seen anyone wear one and not look like they are trying to be an German Countess thing)

9. A personalized license plate. (If you have to ask why-- then you probably don't know me well enough to buy me a present in the first place)

8. Wonder Woman Underoos (Any member of my family would be thrilled to explain this one to you as it's almost a Christmas tradition in our household. First we have the hershey kiss countdown and then we have the telling of the time Sarah cried)

7. Cabbage Patch Kid Bunk Beds (I know you wouldn't want to duplicate something I already have! Of course, I never got to use them as my parents broke them on Christmas Day only to never get them fixed, but the ensuing 18 years or so have clearly erased the bitterness from my mind)

6. A Nose Flute (Sadly, I already have one of these as well. What can I say? Even "santa" gets a little desperate every now and then)

5. "A.L.F." on DVD

4. Any movie or books about fiesty old people. (I don't know who decided that making up stories involving cranky people past their prime was a great method for entertaning the masses, but you owe me 2 hours of my life back for "Driving Miss Daisy"-- and even though I never saw "Grumpy Old Men" or the classic, "Grumpier Old Men" I feel you owe me something for them as well....mostly just for the fact that they exist.)

3. No theme purses. (The rare person other than me can pull it off. However, I am not one of those people-- nor do I have any interest in being one of those people)

2. An ice cream scoop (OK, this one isn't really true. At this stage in my life, it would be great to get a new ice cream scoop. But I mostly just brought it up to point out that someone gave me an Ice Cream Scoop for my HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION. What kind of thought process went into this? "OK, let's see.....she's 18, she's going off to college, what can we get her that will really send her on her way towards success?" Unless of course the goal was to send me on to success in gaining the "freshman 15" -- then I will have to say: Job well done, sir!)

1. Dating/Relationship Manuals of any kind. (I don't care if it's "Sole-Searching: The Art of Judging Men by Their Shoes" or "Almost Three Decades Alone! Do You Feel Like a Failure Yet?" or even "He's Just Not That Into You-- Yeah You. Hey! You! I Really Do Mean YOU!", do us all a favor and leave it on the shelf)

drabbles

I have a million different notebooks with a million different scribbles in them. I'm always finding old ones whose existence I've completely forgotten about shoved under my bed, stuffed into a drawer or crammed in between two books on my book shelf. And just for good measure, there are usually loose pages scattered in the mix as well.

I love finding these notebooks-- because it almost always means I'm going to find a "ramble" that I've completely forgotten that I'd written. It has occurred to me more than once in the past that if I died in the near future (and my preoccupation since childhood with planning my funeral is another topic for another day), whoever cleans out my room is going to get an eyeful-- especially if they don't know that not everything they read is fact. Rants about frustrations lay side by side with abandoned stories. It's the muddle of my brain.

For example, here's something I found on a scrap of paper in my desk today:


When I was 10, I couldn't wait to be a grown up. Being a grown up meant wearing clicky shoes whenever you wanted, wearing your Sunday dress all day because you were old enough not to mess it up. It meant my brother and sister not bossing me around anymore. At least that's what I thought it would be about. The funny thing is, now when I wear clicky shoes at work I wish they wouldn't make so much noise in the hall. I can't wait to get my "Sunday" clothes off when I get home, and my brother and sister still occasionally boss me around.

It's funny how we don't even know what the right things to look forward to are.


I don't remember what even prompted those thoughts....or why they are on a random slip of paper. Chances are I scribbled them while waiting for Bobby at IHOP one night or sitting in the courtyard during my lunch hour when Susan and Jessie weren't there.

They are the random thoughts that anyone has a million of as the day goes by. Don't ask me why I feel the need to record the snapshots of opinion that appear in my brain. But I'm sure I've written about it somewhere.

All I Want For Christmas

Ah, Christmas.

There are many, many glamorous aspects to the Christmas season if you are a career gal like myself. I've been really into lists lately, so inspired by a truly fabulous episode of The Office and a personal office that is perhaps unparalleled in holiday cheer-- I've decided to make a list of my favorite things about work during Christmas

*First on my list has got to be seasonal clothing of any kind.
Now, there are some amateurs out there who may think they are being festive with their red sweaters and green slacks. But to those people I pose these questions: Where is your battery operated sweatshirt? Where are your jingle bell socks? Did you honestly think that winter boots would suffice when there are Santa slippers out there to be had? And what are those gold bead earrings in your ears? A true aficionado would know where to find her Christmas light earrings that play "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas". Who do you think you are fooling? Until your office literally has a seasonal clothing swap meet, I defy you to prove your holiday dressing credentials.

*Dirty Santa.
I'm not sure which memory I prefer. The gangland-like enforcement of the $15 spending rule, or the middle school peer pressure involved in helping people trade out of presents they don't want. I mean, on the one hand you have an astonishing ability to track down "secret" gift givers and demand receipts to prove that they stayed within the limits of "enough to impress people but not enough to make them jealous and petty". But on the other hand, you have the beautiful subtlety involved in middle aged women attempting to engage in reverse psychology and/or emotional manipulation in order to keep the crystal special-edition Hallmark ornament they just opened, or to try and rid themselves of the stigma of having opened the weird candle someone (who shall remain nameless and can be a little scatterbrained occasionally but is still highly lovable) brought.

*Office Party Entertainment
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy famous people's siblings who may or may not be able to sing as much as the next gal, but when they tell us funny stories about their unwed, pregnant, teenage daughter and find a way to use it as a transition into Oh Holy Night.....well, you just have to admire craftsmanship. But if pitchy, never famous country singers aren't your bag of tea-- there are always insane musicians who can not only play the piano while clearly possessed-- but also chuck food at audience members. If that doesn't get your holiday going, I'm not sure what will.

Hm........

Seer


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Little Things That I Love (in other words, a post that interests no one but me)

*Tukey Bacon

*Josie's questions

*Previews

*Club Crackers

*Eli's explanations

*When the road is so wet that it takes on the exact color of the sky

*DVR

*Anna singing along to the radio

*The yarn aisle at Hobby Lobby

*Green Apple Extra Gum

*Meredith's Pentacostal leanings

*Scarfs

*The Office

*TWOP recaps

*Full Moons that remind me of Sara Bo

*Flip Flops

To The Attention of Those Who Know And/or Love Me; Some Reminders You Apparently Need:

*I do not want my wedding to look like something out of a renaissance Fair.

*I don't automatically like a piece of clothing just because it's flowy and/or sheer.

*I don't have every detail of the life of an actor who shall remain nameless memorized.

*I don't think that Will Ferrell is "hot".

*I'm not a wimpy girlie girl. Don't underestimate a girl just because she would rather read than throw a softball (ahem)

*Just because I call the football officials "umpires" sometimes, it doesn't mean I don't understand how the game is played.

*I'm not a picky eater. Some things just aren't worth eating.

*Just because someone spent 6 years studying literature does not mean she is a good speller.