I've been wondering lately how much of a virtue it is to be a direct person. It's something that I value in people, and it's something that I value in myself. But the more I look at the relationships around me, it doesn't always seem that being direct is what people have come to expect or want-- even when it comes to dealing with their own life.
I read a quote from an actor yesterday that's been banging around in my head all day today. He said that while growing up he had spent so much time doing what was expected of him that he forgot to figure out what he expected of himself....and he then had to spend his 20s dismantling the "budding bureaucrat" that he had become. I think that rang so true with me because it seems like many children who grow up in households of high expectations (whether they be religious, moral, social, educational...) lose themselves into a life that is not of their own choosing. Obviously the answer is not to have low expectations of your children. If modern American society has taught us nothing else, it's proven that children need parents more than good friends who happen to have given them life. But somewhere along the way, we forget that just because we helped create a life-- that life does not become a command performance. (And sometimes the loudest commands are never spoken.)
So what does this have to do with my pondering about the virtue of being direct? Nothing. Nothing and everything.
(and the irony of not spelling it out has not escaped my attention)
August 24, 2006
Deconstructing Yourself
Posted by Sarah at 8:35 PM
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3 comments:
That sure puts pressure on parents, doesn't it? :)
You have been deconstructing for awhile now, girl. I just wanted to check to see if you have not vanished altogether ;)
This post has made me think so much about parental expectations--both the ones I grew up with and the ones that I could potentially pass along to my daughters. Of course, I agree that all expectations are not bad; in fact, it is important to have high expectations for your children, I think, because it helps them realize their potential.
BUT you say it well when you write, "we forget that just because we helped create a life--that life does not become a command performance." This is something that has stayed with me from this post, and hopefully, it will help direct me.
Now as far as the "virtue of being direct" I must admit that it is here that I am completely lost. But, maybe your point here is that we SHOULD wind up lost. In other words, maybe we should reconsider the "direct" approach when it comes to "directing" our children? Does this make sense? Am I even close? :)
Please enlighten us :)
In the earlier post, substitute "reconsider" with "lose" and maybe my attempt at a connection will make more sense :) Yeah, that is what I meant to say...
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