A Pretend Past

Sometimes I think it would be fun to live in the Old West.....but not the real Old West. I'm talking about the Old West as written by Lori Wick.

The one where there are men who are both single and employed in various manly professions.

The one where the aforementioned men are just waiting for the love a good woman who may or may not know how to cook.

The one where the people work hard but don't seem to actually live in sod houses or worry about twisters or plagues of locusts.

The one where there is only one church in town that is always taught by the world's most patient minister who always has a saintly wife and 5 year old that is always saying things to make the adults laugh and think "Oohh, what a little scamp!"

The one where people who don't know each other often seemed forced into marriage for a variety of reasons but ALWAYS eventually discover they are soul mates.

The one where there are insanely large families and then men are always really, really good at handling the kids.

The one where the lack of air conditioning is not an issue.

The one where chivalry is not dead and hygiene is not questionable.

There Was No Military Coup in Honduras!!

Please watch. I know some of you are probably sick of hearing about this from me, but it is important to get the TRUTH out there. I don't know why our government has taken the wrong side on this-- but they have!!

Mathis Brothers, The Sequel

Another scene of trying to crack the most literal man on the planet:

John: "And over here we have a slightly darker leather couch, but still a very nice quality item..."

Me: (stares at the couch trying to figure out what it reminds me of)

John: "See how nice that leather feels?"

Me: "It is very shiny..." (still trying to figure out what it reminds me of)

Heather: (sits and tries to look at the couch since she's trying to actually get something done)

John: "Oh, the shine is just from the lights" (points to the overhead spotlight pointed at the couch) "The average person wouldn't have a 150 watt bulb pointing at the leather in their home."

Me: (shrugs) "Well, not unless they really like being under a spotlight while watching television."

John: (frowns) "No, no. People don't do that. They don't have lights like this."

Me: (sighs on the inside and then the lightbulb goes off) "Leather pants! It is a leather pants couch!"

John: (frowns and wishes the girl with the money would make me shut up)

Searching For A Sense of Humor At Mathis Brother's Furniture

Tonight Heather and I went furniture shopping (for Heather, not me). We met a man who was intent on selling some leather furniture. He was very knowledgeable about the aforementioned leather furniture, but he did not respond well to any attempt at levity. My favorite exchange of the evening follows:


Me: "So how fragile is leather furniture? Does it scratch very easily?"

Very Literal Sales Man: "NO! Scratch? Leather doesn't scratch! What happens to a cow when it rubs itself against barbed wire? Hm?"

Me: (with a blank look) "Uhm. I have no idea what happens to a cow when it rubs itself against barbed wire."

Very Literal Sales Man: (frowns) "Well, it doesn't scratch!"

Hiatus Over!

5 Signs You Might Be The Loudest Person At Your Office
(Based On A True Story)


1. No one ever asks you to stop muttering.

2. No one seems to be surprised when you enter the room.

3. Your coworkers tend to take two steps back when you stop to talk to them.

4. If given a choice between riding in a car with you and walking, they choose walking.

5. People flinch when you tell them "Good Morning".