So You Wanna Understand Men. That's Cute. Really.

You'll Thank Me For This Some Day: Part Deux

So if the following post means absolutely nothing to you, please see below:

Part One


So I promised this would be continued, and it just so happens that we've recently stumbled onto a few new issues that have been indentified by our specialists. (Plus I keep getting in trouble for not updating.....so Amy & Susan-- this is for you)


Social Amnesia
While this disorder used to be rare, it has become more and more common throughout the early 21st Century. Men with this condition seem unable to recall what their plans are when asked. The result of this disease is an inability to firmly commit to any plans-- big or small. Men who are afflicted with Social Amnesia simply can not be expected to be timely or to make or keep plans. If they do attempt to settle a plan, friends and family should remember that the subject simply cannot be trusted to know his own mind.



Apology Reflux
A chronic condition that occurs when men are forced to repeatedly apologize to the women in their lives. Common symptoms include a sour taste in the mouth, a burning sensation in the stomach, and redness on the temples from repeated brow beating. Studies have shown that small levels of "sincerity" can go a long way to reducing these symptoms.



Antonym Response Syndrome
This speech disorder is more commonly referred to as "Opposite Day Loop". This is because men who are afflicted become unable to say what they mean. The more they try to convey their thoughts and feelings, the more they get stuck in the loop. If they are jealous, they find themselves saying they are amused. If their feelings are hurt, they will complain of physical pain from kicking the nearest wall. If they don't want to see you anymore, they will offer to call you tomorrow night. This syndrome often begins in early childhood, but the good news is that if it is caught early by a diligent mother, the effects can be reversed.




It should be pointed out that it is only because of my great love of men that I feel that I can mock them so. As anyone who knows me will tell you-- I probably wouldn't bother otherwise. I have been thinking, though, that it seems unfair to just pick on the men. There are a lot of female disorders out there as well--and the only fair thing to do might be to have our experts weigh in on those as well. I might get kicked out of the girl club for that, though, so I will have to ponder that one.

Hollywood is Draining

So I'm sitting here watching the Emmy awards for who knows what reason (I would blame my roommate who turned it on in the first place-- but she has long since been driven out of the room by my yelling at the television. Unfortunately, I still have it on.)....anyway, I'm sitting here watching a parade of smug, pretty people who think they know what's best for the world if only the rest of us would listen. I don't suppose it would be any better if they were smug, ugly people.

But the fact remains that they have been given a forum because they are "entertaining". So why they must take that forum and use it to tell me what they think about world events is beyond me. The man in the Arby's drive-thru doesn't tell me what he thinks should happen in Iraq before handing me my roast beef. The lady at the library doesn't insist that she give me her plan for social security before allowing me to check out an audio book. So I don't see why these people who are paid to make unreality real think we want to hear it from them-- especially on a night when they get all prettied up to pat themselves on the back for being oh so great.

If I want news, I'll turn on CNN....not E! Entertainment Television (though lately the line between the two is admittedly starting to blur more and more)

And before you say it, yes I know it's my fault for watching in the first place.