"We all have our little faults. Mine's in California."

If you have ever wondered why some women like super hero movies so much, you need look no further than the closest male in her life. You see, super hero movies just reinforce the notion that maybe just maybe there really IS a good reason that man in your life always flakes out on you. He really truly doesn't want to let you down time after time, but he has to save the world you see. And it isn't that they don't know what they want. ... it's that the fate of the planet prevents them from having it.

We really like believing that the only reason you would ever stand us up is to save a bus of school children from a meteorite that is speeding to earth. It's not that you got a better offer from one of your friends. It's not that you decided to stay home and have some quality time with your playstation. And of course, you only give us these sad excuses because you can't tell us what you are really doing. That would be giving up your secret identity.


Who wouldn’t rather believe that that it’s Batman disappointing them rather than Apathyman?

I'm a Gotham City DA, Let Me Pass!

So it's an interesting phenomenon when the people you love think that your affection for them gives them permission to be rude.

Some people use the excuse of humor. Some people use the excuse of concern. Some people use the excuse of love. And the rare, honest ones don't use an excuse at all.

I've always preferred honesty. But not everyone does.

My Dad says I like to shock people with blunt words. I think that might be true, but not for the reasons he thinks. It's not the cheap thrill of a shocked expression that I like (though it can be occasionally fun). I'm more intrigued that people are often shocked by truth. Not cruel truths or even brutal ones...but simple, calm, every day truths can make people squirm like the Inquisition. And that fascinates and saddens me all at the same time.

I don't like it when people hide their frustration with pointed jokes and innuendo. I don't like it when people hide their sadness with bright and brittle cheerfulness. I don't like it when people sacrifice themselves to the clamoring masses in order to hide their loneliness. I don't like it when people are crude in order to hide their own confusion and dismay.

I like myself least when I go for the cheap laugh at the expense of someone I love. When I see the smile on their face but the hurt in their eye-- that's when I know I just sold a little of myself away for something that won't last. I do it all the time. It's not premeditated. More often than not, it's completely thoughtless. And that's what makes it worse. Something you do without thinking is more a part of you than a thousand planned insults could ever be.

Life stays the same until it doesn't.

Mt. Rushmore

A friend asked me today why weird things always seem to happen when I'm around. I don't think I really have a good answer for that. I mean, I've heard the rumor that I, myself, am not the most normal apple in the bunch (wait-- apples don't come in bunches....should I have said barrel there? Cause I don't think that people really say "the most normal grape in the bunch".....of course they could and it would be just as valid. I like grapes.)

Anyway, I don't know that I think weird things happen to me more than anyone else. Ok, that's a lie. I don't know anyone else who has been forced by the state of Kansas to cut the windshield out of their car. I only know four other people that have ever gotten lost in a an underground labyrinth in Germany. But those are just the four people that were with me, so I'm not sure they count. And there is the letter I got from the lonely felon who saw my address in a church bulletin--- but I don't think my weirdness attractors could have worked through a piece of paper...right?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, my car was stolen from below my bedroom window by a ring of Russian Car thieves. And it's true that when the police found my car we realized they took all of my CDs except for Natalie Merchant. But that's not weird so much as unfortunate. There is the incident of me accidentally telling my Irish soul mate that I have a boyfriend but that was more stupidity than weirdness (of course the fact that his friends were wearing plastic face masks of Irish politicians did add a certain odd flair to the talk....)

And you know, my first night in Europe when I was 17 did entail getting followed by a gang of drunken men down a Parisian street at midnight...but it also involved a very nice man in a suit with a baby who scared the drunkards off and found a nice Jamaican woman to walk me and my friend back to our hotel. And my teacher did get arrested (while I had all of his money and his passport) on our trip to Greece the next summer for jumping into a fountain, but that was him-- not me. I didn't get "arrested" until two years later-- and that was in Slovakia not Greece. And the only reason I was there in the first place was to get free refills at the Little Caesar's in Brataslava. They didn't have that in Vienna. What? It made perfect sense at the time.

And now that I've reread this, I'm impressed anyone is willing to go anywhere with me at all.