And Here Comes 30

I didn't have a lot of expectations for my 29th birthday. But here's one thing I didn't expect:

Snow!



Color me unimpressed.

Tis The Season

Now, I know what you must be wondering.... what season? The Spring Season? The Easter Season? The March Madness Season? And to all of these, I answer.....maybe, but that's not what I am talking about.

it is now rapidly approaching what I like to call the "meteorological Freak Out Season".

Yes, it is that fine time of year when -- if you are lucky enough to live in "Tornado Alley"-- you are subjected to the hyperactive rantings of over stimulated weather men. If there is a "dustnato" anywhere in the state, they will interrupt programming to let you know. And if there is a wall cloud in sight, you can hear the drool dripping off of their chins as they talk about it on every radio station for 100 miles.

Having seen the devastation the Spring storms can bring, you would think they would be happy when no weather materializes....when a storm blows itself out without turning into more....when a funnel cloud forms but never touches down. But what never ceases to amaze me is how poorly they mask their disappointment when there is no damage. Don't get me wrong-- I appreciate what they do and would want their warning if it was just a drop of hail headed my way. What I object to is that absolutely unhinged lust they have for these storms. You can see the glint in the eyes of the weather vultures-- the adrenaline rush they get that nicely compliments the inflated self-importance.

And yes...Gary England, I'm talking to you.

A Question For the Ages

I think there must be two completely different sets of single people in the world.

I keep hearing about people who are unmarried because they are "selfish" and "self absorbed". Apparently there are entire books about people who haven't married because they can't meet anyone who lives up to some grand standard they have created in their mind....people who are so stuck on some romantic ideal that they look right past the people they see every day. And I hear about it so often, I suppose it must be true. I know there are likely a great many people who may have these issues. But you know what? I also know that a great number of them are not single. I would wager that there are just as many disatisfied married people out there who suffer the same fate. They are selfish and self-absorbed. Their spouse can't live up to the grand standard they have created in their mind. And they are so focused on a romantic ideal, they look right past the hundred of kind and thoughtful things their spouse might do for them every day.

But there's another kind of single person out there-- one that includes the vast majority of single people in their 20s or 30s that I know. These people aren't unmarried because they are picky. They aren't single because they have unrealistic expectations. And if they are a little selfish sometimes, it's mainly because they've lived on their own for a long time and it's one of the privileges. The bottom line is that they are simply looking for a connection that they just haven't found yet. That's it. No more, no less. Some people are lucky-- they find it early. And while it takes strength of character to make a marriage work, the sheer existence of it isn't some mark of worthiness. And that's what I find so tiring. There are thousands (who knows-- probably millions) of unmarried people out there who deserve more than an assumption of dysfunction. They deserve respect for the strength of character it takes to be alone in a world made for couples. As my mother taught me: the worst case of loneliness is better than the best bad marriage.

I used to waffle back and forth in my mind over whether or not friendship should be a simple thing. I guess it was kind of a silly thing to ponder-- since no matter what it should be, friendships both young and old are never simple.

When I was in grade school, the big decision was about who was going to be your "best friend". It was kind of a sacred thing, really-- an exchange of trust. And in the 80s, it was even about an exchange of jewelry in the form of the best friend necklaces that were halves of a heart. My first best friend was an interesting lesson. She wore "our" necklace around me. She wore her other best friend necklaces around her other friends. I still wonder how many she had. And even at 10, I wondered why she didn't just bother to tell me she wasn't my best friend....why she swapped half a heart with me in the first place. Even then, I would have preferred the truth.

In middle school, true friendship became a rare thing. I ate lunch in the bathroom just so I didn't have to sit by myself. It sounds pathetic, I realize--but I can laugh about quite easily now because even at the time I wasn't a tortured soul. I was kind of impressed with myself for finding a way around eating by myself in the lunch room. I didn't think of myself as someone without friends-- but looking back I felt it. I know now that what I felt was an absence of trust. I think for many, many people-- that is the ultimate lesson of junior high: trust no one. At least, no one your own age.

High school and college were different. There were many friends and there were many trusts created. Some have stood the test of time, many have not. But none of them were ever simple. And yet, the best relationships are the ones that are the easiest....the ones that don't make you try hard.....the people you don't have to constantly please. I try to reconcile those two thoughts. Isn't something easy because it's simple?

But really, I've come to believe that the converse is true. That my best relationships are easy because they are far from simple. They are complex in emotion and in thought. They are creative and impulsive and shape shifting as the years go by. They are occasionally challenging, always educational, and never silent.

The truth of the matter is, a simple friendship cannot last because it cannot change.