20 Things To Love About My Father

1. He loves me no matter what.

2. He once listened to me agonize over my love for one of the New Kids on the Block for over an hour in the car. (I was 11 or 12 and sadly I cannot remember which one I was so much in love with)-- and he never laughed at me once. He listened patiently the whole time while I explained that this person (whoever he was) and I were soul mates but I just knew we'd never meet and that our love would never be.

3. He is one of the wisest people I know.

4. He always made me feel like my opinions and thoughts were important. (If you've ever wished I would shut up about my opinions....blame him)

5. He put my mom to sleep on their first date....and STILL managed to get a second date.

6. He bought a wet suit off of Ebay and is still wearing it 4 years later. And that wet suit gave birth to "Cool Pool Man".....who shall live on in the minds of his grandkids for years to come.

7. He is the most generous person I know.

8. He has an addiction to cottage cheese.

9. He drove a light blue Chevy Malibu that was longer than most boats for most of my childhood.

10. He works unbelievably hard to make a difference in the lives of nearly everyone he meets.

11. Even if he doesn't really watch TV, I suspect that he passed on to me my predilection for Sci-Fi.

12. He may not always get why I'm doing what I'm doing-- but he always supports me anyway.

13. He has never asked me why I'm not married (though he has tried to play matchmaker a time or two which is always disturbing)

14. The family now has a legend about the year that dad quit competing with our neighbor over hanging up Christmas lights. Instead he just hung up some chicken wire and used Christmas lights to make a sign that said "DITTO" with an arrow pointing next door. I still can't believe we didn't take a picture.

15. He gives me free medical advice (and tests)......and even puts up with me when I ignore it.

16. I've never seen anyone give more unconditional love and respect and care for a parent than him.

17. The look on his face when he gets together with his brother. I think of it has his "little brother" look because I only see it when Uncle Mike is around.

18. When I first confessed to my parents that I had a blog, his response was "I knew it! I knew you had one of those things!"

19. When someone called the house a few weeks ago at 2am with a wrong number and then asked him to look up the right number for whoever they were calling-- he actually got out the phone book and tried to find it. Seriously. Who does that?

20. He was and is the best dad ever!

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you!

Maybe I Can Save You Some Money

I don't usually bother with movie reviews-- but today, I feel the need to branch out and give you all a warning. What has caused me to feel this need? Well, this afternoon I went and saw a little movie called The Happening. Admittedly, M. Night Shamalyan (I have no idea if that is really how you spell that) has had some rough movies in the past-- but I always still held an affection for him because of The Sixth Sense (a movie that actually surprised me-- a rare feat) and Unbreakable.

Well, I'm here to tell you that he has beaten that affection into the ground and then stomped on it for good measure with this movie. It was the perfect storm of bad acting, atrocious writing, cringe inducing piety and just silly directing. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that 5 minutes into the movie watching Mark Wahlberg, I turned to my friend and said "What is wrong with him? Why is he talking like that?". I've seen him in other things.....it isn't as if he can't act. So I don't know what happened in this movie. And it was like a virus that spread to everyone around him. Pretty soon everyone was at the acting ability of your average 8th grader.

By the time we were 15 minutes in, I couldn't stop laughing. I spent most of the movie with my hand either over my eyes to block the silly goriness of the movie or over my mouth so as not to disturb others with my giggles.

There are no words for how bad this movie was. Seriously.

Thought of the Day

There is something seriously wrong when you find yourself envying the baby-soft smoothness of your brother-in-law's feet.

The Business World

Sometimes in my life as a pretend adult I run into problems. Today, the issue was this: How do you respond to a blatantly false (and idiot) "business" email? What do you say when you ask someone for an explanation about something and the response they give you is so ridiculously stupid and obviously untrue as to be laughable? If I weren't pretending to be an adult, I would simply hit "reply" and say the following:

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE


Unfortunately, life as a "professional" is a bit more prohibitive than life as a 10 year old.

Some Surprising & Random Facts

*The bus that American Airlines puts you on when they cancel your flight from Chicago to Milwaukee actually makes a stop at the Iron Skillet in Racine on the way.

*I have now kept multiple plants alive for a whole week!

*I'm no longer sure that Pride and Prejudice is my favorite Jane Austen novel.

*The movie Deep Impact almost always makes me cry (you may not think this is surprising, but some people I know don't think I EVER cry)

*I don't like Kevin Costner.

*If I ever won a contest that had a "walk down the red carpet at a Hollywood Premier" as the grand prize, I'd give it to Katie. You couldn't pay me to do that.

*I am 98% sure that I am over my crush on Orlando Bloom

Spelling Bees are Addictive

Songs In Your Head

He went away and you hung around
And bothered me, every night
And when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble
You see him comin' better cut out on the double
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
So look out now cause he's comin' after you

He's been gone for such a long time
Now he's back and things'll be fine
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong

My boyfriend's back he's gonna save my reputation
If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation

Yeah, my boyfriend's back
Look out now, yeah, my boyfriend's back
I could see him comin'
So you better get a runnin'



So I woke up with this song in my head this morning. I have NO idea why.....but that's not the sad part. The sad part is after the 4th or 5th time of singing it in my head, I started to wonder. What if her boyfriend DOESN'T believe her? She's so confident he's going to save her reputation-- but why is she so absolutely sure? I kind of wish there had been a follow up song so we'd know. I mean, did he kick this guy's tail or what? And for that matter-- where did this boyfriend GO for "such a long time"?

I find the whole thing very suspicious.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

And so we come to the end of my pledge to post every day in the month of May......please, please contain your cheers. It has been an interesting time of bonding for me and my blog. I have officially posted more this month than I did in all of 2006!! (No cracks about quantity vs quality, please). I have to say it was kind of freeing being obligated to post SOMETHING every day because it gave me an excuse to post just about any little thing that flitted through my head. Before, when I just posted sporadically-- it kind of weirdly gave it this pressure....like if I was only going to post once a month, then I should at least make it worth it. (Of course, that can all go off into a tangent addressing the fact that keeping a blog in general is not exactly rocket science.....or as we like to say at work "We're not exactly saving lives here!" Sadly, that is not a claim that my dad, or brother, or Erin can make!)

Anyway--this post isn't really funny or profound-- but more of a thanks for you guys bothering to check in with me on most days and taking the time to comment. It is nice to know people are out there, you know? And in a weird way, it is like talking to my friends, family, and a few complete strangers on a daily basis!

I guess I'll just end it by saying this little exercise has definitely converted me into the post more than a couple of times a month camp. I probably won't make it every day in June (if for no other reason-- it doesn't rhyme!)-- but I have decided my general rule of thumb is going to be at least 4 posts a week from now on.

So the randomness and stupidity isn't going anywhere. Aren't you happy?

The Awesomeness That Happened Today

I went to my favorite restaurant today for lunch. As it was SUPER crowded, Jini and I went to sit in the bar area. After the waitress took our drink orders (I ordered a Diet Coke for the record), she turned and asked me something-- but the place was so crowded and loud that I had no idea what she said. So I just looked at her blankly and said "Uhm, what?"

And then she repeated herself and I heard her hilarious and wonderful question:

"Are you 21, miss?"


Is that not just the best question ever? All for sitting in the bar area......

The Golden Bullseye Awards

Welcome ladies and gentleman to this evening's special Golden Bullseye awards. This special award ceremony is the first of its kind, endeavoring to honor the wide variety of patrons that can be found at the Target by my house.


The I Really Hope That One of You Just Got Home From Serving Your Country Overseas Because Otherwise that PDA is Completely Inexcusable Award goes to....


The Couple in the Deodorant Aisle, and then the Pen Aisle, and then the Kitchenware section! Congrats! You guys really explored the store tonight and yet probably didn't see any of it!




The You Made Me Do A Double Take Because You Are the Spitting Image of Britney Spears Award goes to.....


The girl working the dressing room. It is truly amazing I was able to spot your likeness to Ms Spears under the piles and pile and PILES of clothes that had not yet been put away.



The You're Deluding Yourself by Trying on That Dress AGAIN Because You Still Don't Have the Body of a Ballet Dancer and That's The Only Person Who Would Look Good in it Award goes to......


Me! (Is it cheating for the judge to award themselves a prize?)



The You're Pushing Your Luck By Insisting On Both Wrapping Your Arm Around the Guy You Are With AND Putting Your Hand In His Back Pocket Because His Pants Already Look Like They Are Holding On For Dear Life & His Belt Has Seen Better Days Award goes to.......

The Woman from the PDA couple award! Two in one night! Impressive!



The I Don't Know if You Were Hitting On Me or If You Were Just That Excited About the Slightly Inappropriate Father's Day Cards You Were Finding and Just Had to Read Them Out Loud to Me and Then Try to Bond Over Target's Greeting Card Selection Award goes to.......

The Strange Middle-Aged Man in the Greeting Card Aisle!



And now we come to our final award of the evening......

The Why Are You Glaring At Me Because I Noticed There Were Only 2 People in the Next Aisle Over and Moved Over Since You Were Waiting in Line Behind at Least 5 People For No Apparent Reason and it REALLY Isn't Cutting, Sir Award goes to......

The Stern and Unhappy Man who was inexplicably waiting in a long line with his loaf of bread! Congrats!!

Nathan the Prophet of Israel was a what?

So I took a personality test that declared me to be an "INFJ". If you are like me and have no idea what that means-- here are the highlights:


"INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers."


So far so good, right? Well, read on:



"They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people... On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates.".....at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. "


See! There's a REASON I revert into hermit mode every couple of months!



"As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type."


I'm both misunderstood AND rare. They might as well just come right out and call me an ENIGMA. You know they want to.


"INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil."


It is like I'm SANTA!





I could go on and on since I'm sure you're all enthralled with hearing all about me and my personality-- but my favorite part of the test was the part where they tell you the "famous INFJs through history".

First of all we have Michael Landon, Billy Crystal, and Carrie Fisher.
Not excited for me yet?
Okay, how about Chaucer and Mother Teresa?
No?

Alright-- you are making me pull out the big guns: Nathan, Prophet of Israel. That's right, people. Nathan the prophet! He's not just any prophet. He's the one who called King David out on his behavior with a certain lady whose name rhymes with Dathbeeba. (At least I think he is. I could be getting my prophets confused again. It HAS been known to happen)


And now my question becomes: How the heck do they know what personality test profile fits an ancient prophet of Israel?

May's Musical Selections

I haven't done this one for awhile-- but as we're nearing the end of the month of daily posts (whew!) and I'm running out of ideas, we're returning to a classic.

So I now present to you my Song List for May 2008:



"Comfort" by Deb Talan
My friend Erin gets the credit for introducing me to Deb Talan. Her lyrics are creepy yet comforting: creepy because it seems that someone dug into your brain and decided to put your innermost thoughts and insecurities to a pretty tune and comforting because they let you realize that yes, someone else DOES feel that way too.


Ache by James Carrington
The kind of song that makes girls wish they could enchant a musician just so he would write songs likes this about them.


Rhumboogie by The Andrews Sisters
Listen to this while cleaning your house and just try not to have a LITTLE fun. Go on. I dare you.


Back To Me by Kathleen Edwards
As a nice girl I really shouldn't like this song.....but alas, I really I do.


Windows and Walls by Jules Sheer with Patty Griffin
This song is weird. Jules Sheer really has kind of a creepy voice-- but when Patty Griffin comes in with her harmony, it is IMPOSSIBLE not to sing along. I'm sure if I were musical I would be able to tell you the special name for why the harmony is weird but beautiful-- but I'm not. So I'll just tell you to listen to it and enjoy.


Blush by Plumb
This is such a "WB" kind of song, I shouldn't really recommend it (wait-- did I just age myself? Should I have said "The CW" there?)-- but that would just be pretending that I'm not the kind of 31 year old that still gets into shows about teenagers. And I think we all know that is EXACTLY the kind of girl I am.


Look Away by Chicago
I can't hear this song without performing it melodramatically...... (this and "You're the Inspiration"). I also can't listen to Chicago without thinking of the road trip I took with "the girls" in Oregon. Nothing beats driving down the coast with 5 girls singing at the top of their lungs getting just about every other word right. "Look Away, baby....LOOK AWAY"


We Could Be Together by Debbie Gibson (campfire mix)
That's right. I said the CAMPFIRE MIX. (that is very important) If you doubt my love for this song, then you just need to check with my friend Bobby whom I once subjected to a performance of it on the way back from IHOP. I think his silent staring meant he was thoroughly impressed. (In fact, listening to it while typing this I broke out into another rendition of it-- this song will not be denied!)


We Are Man and Wife by Michelle Featherstone
Is it wrong to want to have a wedding just so I can play this song in it? No? I didn't think so.


E-Pro by Beck
A great work out song. (At least it would be if I -- well, you know-- actually worked out....but I have it prepped and ready to go on my iPod in case the mood strikes)


Patricide by Hans Zimmer (Gladiator Soundtrack)
Funny story-- I was making my dad a mix CD a year or so ago and I had this song on there. It was only at the last minute I realized what the name of the song was and why it might be a bad idea to put it on a CD for my FATHER. But it is still beautiful.

The World Through The Eyes of an 8 Year Old: Part 2

I know I'm biased-- but Anna's really got an interesting eye when she takes pictures. (Although in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I picked these out of the well over 100 pictures she took on my camera....thank goodness for digital cameras and large memory cards!)

The World Through The Eyes of an 8 Year Old (with additional photography by a 7 year old and a 6 year old)

Meet The Photographers

Very Sweet & Unintentionally Funny Quote of the Day

While playing water balloon volleyball this morning, my dad picked up water balloon that had been filled to the brim (by me-- I like them bigger while my Dad kept making "hand grenades"-- it was an ongoing disagreement) and said "This one's for Sarah! It is big and beautiful!"

That was when Eli (my 9 year old nephew) chimed in: "Just like Aunt Sarah!"

I couldn't stop laughing after that.

I Know It Is All In My Head

My parents live in a fairly small town where they know a LOT of people. When they are out with all their grandkids in tow, it is a lot of fun for them to show them off. But whenever I am here and the actual parents (my siblings) of the grandkids are not .....and we meet someone who doesn't know the family well enough to know that I'm not an only child, I sometimes feel as though I must look like the most fertile single mother ever to hit this town.

Quote of the Day

Today we took the kids to a space museum not too far from my parent's house. Standing underneath one of the "retired" shuttle/rockets they have outside, Meredith whispered to me-- "I think I can hear the cry of all the souls that lost their lives on this vessel" (Yes, she is 7 and YES dramatics apparently run in the family)

I looked at her with momentary confusion and then tried to reassure her that no one had lost their lives on that particular shuttle-- and then I asked if maybe she was just hearing the cry of all of the souls who had WORKED on the shuttle. She scrunched up her forehead and said "Well, I don't know. But I do hear an "Ahhhhhh!" coming from it"

Getting All Fancy

We are coming upon a tricky time in my grand mission to post every day this month. This is because starting on Thursday, I will officially be at Camp Cousin 2008 which will make having the energy to update daily difficult. Some of you are familiar with this family event of mine-- but for the rest of you: basically it is all of my parent's grandkids convening at their house for the weekend without their parents. I'm the "activity director" (whatever that means). So, I'll be in Kansas until Sunday-- but hopefully I will be able to update you all on the craziness as it happens.

I'm SURE you are super excited to hear stories about children you don't know! (with the exception of my sister who is probably reading this....of course you DO know your own children as well as your nieces and nephew.....hope you're enjoying your Scrapbooking!)

Here's a pic of the inaugural Camp Cousin 2 years ago:





The getting all fancy part comes in because I am pre-writing this post and scheduling it to be posted tomorrow. I have no idea if this will work, but I guess we shall see!


And just so this isn't all about my family, I present to you your random fact of the day:


Today I got stuck in traffic behind an SUV that had a license plate that read "HLYSPRT". And I seriously spent several minutes trying to figure out what the Holy Sport could possibly be. Not my proudest moment.

Oh The Books I Start & Never Finish

So there are lots and lots (and LOTS) of "books" I've started writing that I've never finished. The one I probably got the farthest on, though, was a guide for single Christian women. (I know, I know-- a little presumptious of me) I started writing it after a wretched year of church visiting in Oregon looking for a "singles" group. I was in my mid 20s and thoroughly fatigued of the issue of feeling out of place. Anyway-- I wrote several chapters that I might get around to posting on here someday since most of it won't ever see the light of day otherwise.

This little blurb I found tonight amused me because it sent me back to a thousand conversations I've had with friends starting in high school and beyond. And you know what? It is as true now as it was when I was 16! So without further ado......



Your Friend Who Is A Boy Is Not Your Boyfriend

I don't think I have a single female friend in my life who hasn't had a visit from the Maybe Man. Sometimes he lasts a few months, sometimes he stays for years. But no matter the length of his stay, I've come to view the Maybe Man as a rite of passage for today's woman.

Now who is this Maybe Man, you ask? Actually, I think 90% of you know exactly who is he is. But for you other 10% (you lucky, lucky 10%), I'll explain.

The Maybe Man is that guy in your life who always seems to be dancing along that friendship/something more line but can never quite decide where he wants to land. Some days you're convinced he's more than a friend, some days you aren't. Sometimes he acts like a jealous boyfriend, sometimes he could care less if you are still on the planet.

He's the guy in your life about whom you are never sure how you feel because you're too busy trying to figure out how he feels about you.

The problem with Maybe Men is that they are almost always good guys at heart (at least today I think they are, tomorrow I just might think they are Satan's toadies) who just can't seem to get their act together when it comes to one woman: you.

And the absolute worst part about it is that because nothing is ever said directly (really, what would you say? “I know you must like me because you've called me every night this week!), so you are never quite sure if it was all in your head.

What I've Learned From Watching Romantic Comedies

1. Men are attracted to women who are loud, demanding, and generally act like spoiled brats. The more impossible you are, the more they want you.

2. Rule #1 only applies when the aforementioned woman is thin and preferably blond.

3. Cute, available men are often to be found wandering the Irish countryside.

4. Men with commitment issues need only meet the right loud, demanding, spoiled woman to see the error of their ways.

5. Running down the street in 3 inch heels is easy for those in love.

6. The best men to marry are the ones with fathers who have had at least 5 or 6 wives.

7. A man who loves dogs is to be trusted.

8. We are all one awesome musical montage away from a life-altering epiphany.

9. When you've had a misunderstanding with the one you love (but haven't yet figured it out) you can eat as much ice cream as you want and still fit into your size 2 whispy summer dress the next day. This is a good thing because of #10

10. In order to come to an understanding with the man of your dreams (or the man you always knew but didn't know you wanted but have finally figured out that he was the man of your dreams all along)-- you have to be wearing a whispy, spaghetti strapped sun dress. If you can be standing in Central Park, all the better.

11. If you have a childhood best friend of the opposite sex-- you're supposed to marry them. You don't really have a choice in the matter. It was neighborhood fate.

12. Awesome highlights equal an awesome love life.

13. Man-boys are just one Coldplay inspired soundtrack away from maturing into husband material.

14. All women secretly love to dance around in their bedrooms and sing into their pillows. (this was news to me as I previously thought Amy was the only person I knew who really did that on a regular basis)

Happy Birthday My Friend!

Today is the birthday of the one and only Kathleen Anne. I've known you well on close to FOREVER now-- and I'm so blessed to have you as a best friend!

And now in tribute to you and our shared history at church camp and beyond.....





Oh how I miss the non-air conditioned cabins and bunk beds!



The puffed sleeved floral dress-- didn't we all have one at some point in our teen lives?



I had to put this in because anyone who knows and loves you knows EXACTLY what you sound like when you laugh like this. (Also? Seeing Roybal in his flannel pants again made me laugh)


I love you!! Happy Birthday!

Not Always the Brightest Bulb in the Bunch

Example One:
For years I wondered how "water pills" worked. I didn't understand how they could get a significant amount of the hydrating stuff into a little pill. Was it some sort of chemical reaction? Was it just a little boost of some sort of "super" H2O? I don't think I need to explain to you my friend's face when she explained to me the water pills get RID of water. (I guess here is where I admit that the explanatory conversation was had less than a year ago) I stand by my assertion that they should be called ANTI-Water pills. That is much clearer.


Example Two:
I recently found out that I am (well, I was until Thursday) still paying renter's insurance on my friend's house that I haven't lived in since August. This was in addition to my current homeowner's policy. And I didn't notice. Until Wednesday. When contacted about the situation, my insurance company told me it was very nice of me to insure someone else for that long. (they then gave me my money back after not making me feel stupid about it at all-- which I kind of deserved)

The Code of Nothing But Rambles

When I first started typing this post, it was problematic for several reasons-- not the least of which was that I had the number lock key on. It really looked like I was trying to start a new chapter of the Da Vinci Code or something. The main problem, however, is that I have no idea what to type. I've hardly had 2 seconds free today and I'm feeling very uninspired (as if GREAT inspiration provided the last 10 posts.....).



I was driving home from my sister's house tonight (the fam is all gathered in one location for my brother in law's momentous graduation from law school tomorrow) trying to think of what on earth I could write a quick post about since I cannot fail in my task to write every day this month. I remember at about the half way point I thought of something funny I could write about and that I was relieved. Unfortunately, that is ALL I can remember about that thought process. The no doubt HILARIOUS and WITTY and PROFOUND post is forever lost in the pile of fleeting thoughts I have while in the car. It will have all kinds of new friends like "How Sarah thinks Prison Break Season 3 really should have gone" and "Mean Thoughts About People with Vanity Plates". (It might even bump into my wonderings about how the original Native Americans would feel about today's interstate system. Would they find it intriguing? Would they think it was the work of a white devil? Would the concrete scare them and how would their ponies feel about it?)



So really this is just a post to say that I have nothing to say. Aren't you glad I shared?

Dueling Lists

Things I Don't Like

1. The taste of coffee (self explanatory)

2. Oprah (I haven't liked Oprah's shows for a few years now--- she has a serious case of believing her own press and it is annoying to watch. She pronounces "the truth" about everything as if she is Moses on the mountain top)

3. Coconut (it is hard to say which is worse: the taste or the texture)

4. Watching television with large groups of people

5. Being watched

6. The smell of coffee (this seems to be the one that shocks people-- I don't know why)

7. Martha Stewart (This is long standing. The first time I ever watched her on anything-- I told my friend she had "crazy eyes". I stand by that assessment)

8. Baseball (Boooorrrriiinnnggg)

9. Trying to explain to people that YES I was an English major but NO I can't spell very well.

10. The Last of the Mohicans (the book-- not the movie)



Things I Enjoy Probably a Bit Too Much

1. Swiss Miss Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding (they put Jello's sugar free pudding to shame-- trust me)

2. Wentworth Miller (He's so pretty)

3. Battlestar Galactica (yes, the remake-- and if you're tempted to laugh at me about this then that just means you haven't watched it for yourself)

4. Sonic Happy Hour (I'll never forget the day my sister called me at work to tell me she was in the Sonic drive-thru and they now had Diet Dr Pepper available)

5. Dying my hair (my mother hates this-- but she should be appeased because I haven't gone completely black since the "incident" in 1997)

6. My DVR (live TV? What's that?)

7. Young Adult Fiction (it doesn't seem fair-- they have much more interesting stuff these days than when I was an actual Young Adult)

8. My old-school iPod Mini (she's awesome and pink and impossible to buy accessories for)

9. New makeup

10. Analyzing People

A Picture I've Been Looking For

One of the top 10 cool experiences of my life so far was hiking through the rain forest last January in Belize and then floating down the a river through a series of completely dark caves. (And yes, I DID wear a lantern on my forehead). Anyway-- we didn't take cameras on any part of the hike or the float down the river since we got so soaking wet....and I've been SO completely sad about it ever since. The views were unbelievable and impossible to describe.

Well, today I was reading an article about Eco Tourism in Belize and stumbled onto a photo of one of the cave entrances that we floated through. It doesn't really capture the experience and the photo is tiny-- but today I'm sharing with you a teeny tiny snapshot of one of the coolest days of my life:

5 Things I Did Today

1. Pulled several muscles while trying to help a sort-of neighbor who had fallen down when attacked by some blue jays and couldn't get back up. My only other help was the 70 year old who came and got me to try to help. We didn't have much success.

2. Called 911 and summoned the Fire Department to come get the aforementioned neighbor. (Did NOT get to flirt with any cute firemen. Big disappointment)

3. Was late to work because of #1 and #2

4. Went and bought a big ceramic pot in anticipation of pretending that I can actually buy and keep multiple plants alive.

5. Tried repeatedly to get my hair to stay up in a knot using only one bobby pin. For the most part, it did not work. Contain your surprise.

The 12th of May: Erin's Day

Happy Birthday to one of my very favorite travel partners!!!

20 Things to Love About My Mother

1. She loves me no matter what

2. She sends me coupons in the mail

3. She still remembers the Spanish she learned in high school

4. She has an downright freaky sense of direction

5. She is the most unselfish person I know

6. She gave me a blank living will last week with absolutely no explanation

7. She's a talented artist even if she won't admit it

8. She's never asked me why I'm not married

9. She's an incredible example of a Christian woman

10. She has a beautiful singing voice

11. She changed her mind about naming me Whitney

12. She has watched Friendly Persuasion 80 bajillion times

13. She would do anything for her children or grandchildren

14. She has an addiction to audio books

15. She loves peanut butter almost as much as I do

16. She gave birth to me!

17. She's dangerous as a Trivial Pursuit opponent

18. Ditto for Scrabble

19. She seems to think her kids can do just about anything

20. She was and is the best Mom ever.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!

Anyone Else A Child of the 80s?

Cheryl, this one is for you!

A Toast to Myself

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and give yourself a high-five? (Not that I encourage high-fives with anyone over the age of 12 as a general rule) If not, you can't understand my dilemma.....but there are some of you who know just what I'm talking about. And today? Well, today I really could have kissed myself circa November or December 2007.

What did I do to make me so proud of myself you ask? Well, it might not seem like much to you, but I found a dollar that I'd hidden in a little wooden box in my office at work. And why was this so wonderful? I found it after a frustrated 10 minute search (ok, maybe only 5) for vending machine money for a Diet Dr. Pepper. I hardly ever have cash and I was on the verge of once again asking my secretary if I could borrow a dollar from her (which makes me feel like a 5 year old even though I always promptly pay her back).

And that is what is so amazing! At some point in the past not only did I have a dollar on me, but I actually took the initiative to squirrel it away in a place I knew I'd forget about it so that I would eventually stumble onto it in a time of need. And it worked! My plan that I forgot that I planned actually came together.

So here's to you pre-Christmas Sarah! You helped me get my afternoon caffeine fix. Well done!

Slightly Cheating

So I just realized the other day that I've had this blog for over three years now. Of course, I didn't tell more than 4 people about it for the first year of my blog's existence.....so I don't know if the first year really counts. I was SO paranoid when I first started writing it. I didn't want anyone outside of my pre-determined circle to read it. And now? Well, now I can't even really remember why I felt so paranoid. I think this has been a good exercise in not taking myself too seriously.

I say all of that to explain that I am slightly cheating today by reposting one of my first posts from when I started this in 2005. I figure my parents are the only ones who have gone back and read the archives (cause really, why would anyone else bother?)-- but if I'm wrong, please forgive the repeat. I just thought this was slightly topical given some of my posts of late. And so without further ado, I present to you "Mt Rushmore". (and no, I don't remember why I named it that)




A friend asked me today why weird things always seem to happen when I'm around. I don't think I really have a good answer for that. I mean, I've heard the rumor that I, myself, am not the most normal apple in the bunch (wait-- apples don't come in bunches....should I have said barrel there? Cause I don't think that people really say "the most normal grape in the bunch".....of course they could and it would be just as valid. I like grapes.)

Anyway, I don't know that I think weird things happen to me more than anyone else. Ok, that's a lie. I don't know anyone else who has been forced by the state of Kansas to cut the windshield out of their car. I only know four other people that have ever gotten lost in a an underground labyrinth in Germany. But those are just the four people that were with me, so I'm not sure they count. And there is the letter I got from the lonely felon who saw my address in a church bulletin--- but I don't think my weirdness attractors could have worked through a piece of paper...right?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, my car was stolen from below my bedroom window by a ring of Russian Car thieves. And it's true that when the police found my car we realized they took all of my CDs except for Natalie Merchant. But that's not weird so much as unfortunate. There is the incident of me accidentally telling my Irish soul mate that I have a boyfriend but that was more stupidity than weirdness (of course the fact that his friends were wearing plastic face masks of Irish politicians did add a certain odd flair to the talk....)

And you know, my first night in Europe when I was 17 did entail getting followed by a gang of drunken men down a Parisian street at midnight...but it also involved a very nice man in a suit with a baby who scared the drunkards off and found a nice Jamaican woman to walk me and my friend back to our hotel. And my teacher did get arrested (while I had all of his money and his passport) on our trip to Greece the next summer for jumping into a fountain, but that was him-- not me. I didn't get "arrested" until two years later-- and that was in Slovakia not Greece. And the only reason I was there in the first place was to get free refills at the Little Caesar's in Brataslava. They didn't have that in Vienna. What? It made perfect sense at the time.

And now that I've reread this, I'm impressed anyone is willing to go anywhere with me at all.

Your Daily Dose of Cuteness (Actually-- probably enough to last all week!)

Deep Thoughts From My College Journals

Everyone should get lost. Helplessness is the truest test of character.

Cinco De Mayo (and thoughts that have nothing to do with that)

Today we are taking a break from our regular scheduled random thought messages to share with you all a shameless plug:

My cousin Emily has started a really fun online boutique called The Refined Cubbyhole that I've been meaning to post about for awhile now. Now I have extra motivation because..... (drumroll please....) you can find super duper mysterious jewelry made by ME there!

(Ok, the jewelry itself is really not that mysterious-- and calling it super duper makes it sounds pretty dorky......so how about I stop trying to describe it and you just go look at it!)

"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear!"

This is going to fall under the category of things I should never admit to thinking......

I've been having an ant problem lately. I can't figure out where they are coming from and they are grossing me out. My mom gave me something called "Orange Guard" that works very nicely and isn't toxic and smells just like Orange Juice......I've been having quite the time shooting the little suckers with my citrus weapon.

None of that is the concerning part. Here's what I shouldn't admit: the other morning I was spraying more of them and I caught myself wondering if maybe I should leave some of the dead ants on the counter for the day as sort of a deterrent/warning to other ants that might come in.

Now I'm wondering if I was some sort of South American dictator in a former life.

The Stripping of Wallpaper and My Youth

I've been spending lots of quality time over the last few days stripping my kitchen walls of the dreadful blue poppy wallpaper that has been gracing its walls for what I can only guess to be the last 20-30 years. In order to keep myself entertained I have also been playing a series of all the romantic, dramatic movies I loved in high school. Great plan, right? Well-- as with all great plans, there has been an unforeseen issue.

What is the problem you ask? Well, as it turns out-- most of the famous characters I was so madly in love with when I was a teenager are IDIOTS.

Take for example Wuthering Heights. I used to swoon when watching Heathcliff mope about the moors tortuously crying for Catherine to haunt him after she dies. The 18 year old in me loved his passionate devotion. The 31 year old in me thinks he's a psycho that proved the need for anti-stalking laws in Bronte-Era England. And Catherine's no better. It really is a toss up as to who is more abusive and cruel. Realizing I had exactly NO patience for their "great love" made me feel OLD.

Need another example? Let's take a couple of dreamboats from Shakespeare. First we have the ridiculous Claudio from Much Ado About Nothing who is just about the whiniest wimp of a "hero" you've ever seen. He has the emotional maturity of a toad-- what a dreamy husband! And as for Romeo-- wherefore art thou's common sense, Romeo? My disgust with the pair of you really REALLY made me feel old. What kind of old hag doesn't appreciate ROMEO? Apparently, me.

I guess I know I'm not saying anything earth-shattering here. I always knew that "adults" sometimes developed these patronizing attitudes about the men that I loved.......but I knew that would never be my fate. I could never lose my sense of romance OR my imagination. But now, I am one of those boring adults! I have crossed over. Imagine my dismay.

What's More Unfortunate?

A. That I forgot to put my mascara on today-- which wouldn't have been a big deal except that for whatever reason I DID remember to put on my new eyelash "primer" (don't ask)--so I'd been at work for about 30 minutes before I noticed that I had white eyelashes.


or


B. That I just lied to a random guy in the back of a pickup truck who wanted my phone number by telling him I was married-- and the entire conversation was had in pantomime.

A May Day Pledge

Ok, so I am going to try something new-- I am going to try to post an update EVERY DAY in the month of May! (And not just cause saying that rhymed).

I can't promise it will be interesting, but I can almost guarantee that you are going to get way more information than you ever wanted to know about my visits to Target and the strange men who talk to me in parking lots-- not to mention all of the random thoughts that pass through my head. (aka the Unicorn comment as listed below)

Hold on to your hats people.

(Yes, that was sarcasm)

Proof that I Am a Dweeb

Today I got into a prolonged conversation with the cashier at Super Walmart about the varied flavors of Rotisserie Chicken available and what our preferences were. I think the low point was her enthusiasm about the fact that I found a "Buttery Garlic" chicken and me comparing it to seeing a Unicorn.

I am officially hopeless.

The Aggressive Mommy Syndrome

I've been noticing a troubling trend lately that I'm finally going to take the time to address-- but as I did with the last post, I feel the need to preface my comments with the following:

I love children. Anyone who knows me knows I love children. I like to believe that children enjoy me as well-- and I have it on good authority from a certain 2 year old in Nebraska that I am "not scary". I respect mothers. I'm in awe of their patience and resilience and the never ending nature of their work. I like to think that the mothers I know like and respect me. They have, on occasion, even dared to LEAVE their children with me for short and long periods of time.

To put it briefly? Sarah=Not a Baby or their Mama Hater

That being said....I have to address the aforementioned troubling trend I have noticed of late (mostly of random women I see on the street....NOT people I know just so we're clear)-- and that is the trend of the Aggressive Mommy. Now, don't misunderstand me..... I don't mean they are aggressive with their kids. No, no, no. The Aggressive Mommy is the woman that likes to engage in what I call "Abuse of Stroller Privileges"

Ever get tired of waiting for the cars to stop driving back and forth in the Walmart parking lot when you're trying to walk out to your car? Well, the Aggressive Mommy solves that problem by sticking her baby-filled stroller out front of her like a battering ram and just marching into traffic. After all, what sort of horrible person doesn't slam on their breaks when faced with the sight of a stroller through their windshield?

Ever get get a bruise on your shin while standing in a narrow aisle at Target? Well, it is your own fault for being in the path of the Aggressive Mommy who is using her double stroller to clear the row for her brood. She's got the mechanical girth to make you move and she's not afraid to use it.

Ever watch a woman with a stroller the size of a small SUV try to navigate the glass vase section at your local department store? The Aggressive Mommy lets everyone know that it is stupid corporate America's fault that the aisles are so narrow-- and it never occurs to her that she might use a smaller stroller and/or not take a toddler into the breakables section. That would be discrimination!

I don't know. Maybe I'm out of touch. Trust me-- I get that strollers are an important part of any mother's outing (especially with multiple children)...but at what point did they become a method for stopping traffic and herding people. Has it always been this way?

A Room with a STUPID View

Warning:
Literary/Movie Dork Out Ahead. If you can't handle it, don't read it!


So before I start my official rant-- you need a little background. When I was in high school I was obsessed with the movie A Room with a View (based on the novel by E.M. Forster). I cannot possibly begin to tell you how many times my best friend Heather and I watched that movie. We named things after the characters and I for one became completely enamored of Florence. (It was sort of an Italian perfect storm when I also read The Agony and The Ecstasy about Michealangelo at the same time). For those that don't know-- A Room with a View is the love story of Lucy Honeychurch (a straight-laced English girl) and George Emerson (a poor, socialist, atheist, young English chap with no real sense of tact) who meet when they stay at the same hotel in Florence (I think the year is around 1910 but I don't remember for sure).

I know I'm probably boring some of you off your rockers-- but I'm telling you this so you can understand just how much Masterpiece Theater JACKED UP the new version of it. Maybe I'm so annoyed about it because I was so excited to see it-- but they just completely botched it.

First of all, the whole point of George's character in the book is that he is eccentric, slightly sullen, always brutally honest and very VERY charismatic. In the new version? He seems to be slightly daft in a way that you really can't imagine Lucy falling in love with him. She seems much more likely to try to teach the poor fellow how to find his way to the local home for special people.

The also managed to imply (it is subtle but it is there) that the local clergyman is a closeted homosexual who is the only one that realizes that Lucy's fiance is also a homosexual ("bachelor for life" is how they phrased it I believe). (note to Heather: They made Mr Beebe and Cecil gay!)

Also? It is distracting when you raid the cast of the Harry Potter movies for your cast.

But all of that pales in comparison to the ultimate sin of this movie. They KILL George Emerson. They send him off to die in World War 1 (apparently). Lucy ends up on her own, as a widow, wandering around Florence "remembering". CHEAP THEATRICAL TRICK.

Way to butcher the novel Andrew Davies. You and your screenplay may have given us Colin Firth as Mr Darcy back in the day-- but I just don't know that you can recover my "adaption" trust after this.

Wonderful Verson:


Stupid Version:

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

KU-- 2008 NCAA Champions!!!!!


It was an unbelievable game that officially gave me a stroke.

Yay!

Welcome to the world Nolan Daniel Baker!!

Men and Remotes

There are many nice things about being single that are often overlooked-- one of which is that I have complete control over all of my electronics including the remote control. This was true until yesterday, anyway. What happened yesterday you ask? Well, it is quite simple-- the Cox Cable Man came to visit.

Now don't get me wrong-- I was thrilled that he was able to come out a day before their original estimate (to fix the cable that I later found out had been broken BY THEM the previous week while I was gone...but that is another story). I was even happy to stay in my house for the 4 hour window of opportunity they gave me just so I could have my DVR and internet capabilities returned to me. But it would have been nice if fixing the cable was ALL he did.

Perhaps to best explain my visit with the Cable Man (who incidentally was the spitting image of Don Cheadle in sunglasses), I should transcribe our initial interaction:



Setting: Sarah's living room

Sarah: (sitting on the couch reading-- cause without internet or TV what else was she going to do? CLEAN? I think not)

Doorbell: "Ring! Ring!"

Sarah: (hops up with a disproportionate amount of enthusiasm, opens door)

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike:......... (stands 4 feet back from the door and stares at Sarah in silence)

Sarah: "Hi!" (moves back while holding the door open to indicate he is welcome to come in)

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike:.......... (makes no move from where he is still standing about 4 feet back from the door)

Sarah: "Uh, would you like to come in?" (makes a Vanna Whiteish sweeping gesture towards the TV in the living room)

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike:.......... (somewhere crickets begin to chirp)

Sarah: ........ (raises eyebrows)

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike: "You got cut" (He speaks!)

Sarah: "What?"

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike: "You got cut"

Sarah: "Am I supposed to know what that means?" (and also? No duh!)

Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike:"Blah Blah Blah...." (proceeds to give a big long explanation the point of which is that I have no cable because the previous cable man that came out to help one of my neighbors was a moron)


Now, I don't know if the above truly conveys the awkward idiocy of our initial meeting, but I was prepared to give Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike a chance. He disappeared for about 30 minutes before coming back up to see if the cable was back on. And that's when it happened-- Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike took over my electronics. The tipping point, I think, was when he realized that I had not programmed my Cable Remote to work on my television set. (And can I just point out here that it isn't that I don't know HOW-- I have done it many times before-- I just didn't care!) Anyhoo-- from that point on, it was a 10 minute free for all. Before I realized what was happening, he changed all of the settings on my cable box and DVR. He changed the settings on my television. He even changed the COLOR SCHEME of my DVR to some weird Hunter/Camo display (instead of the purple I'm rather fond of). I spent 45 minutes after he left just trying to figure out what all he did so I could undo some of it.

And (as this post so clearly indicates)-- I'm still annoyed about it! It was as if once he realized there wasn't a "man" in control of the electronics, he thought he could do whatever he wanted. Cable Man/Don Cheadle look alike-- you abused your position!

The Weirdness Continues...

Today a Tibetan monk flirted with me. And I'm pretty sure I accidentally flirted back.

A Photo and a Request I Never Thought I'd Have To Make

In keeping with the thrilling nature of the last post, I thought I'd start this update with the view from my hotel room in Qingdao (which I have now learned is pronounced "Chingdao", incidentally). The hotel was a complete unknown, so we weren't sure what to expect-- but it has been a lovely surprise. I'm kind of sad we only get one night here since I actually got my first full night's sleep in the giant king size bed here. (Nothing beats jet lag like sheer exhaustion!).





I'm told the ocean is around here some place (apparently the Olympics sailing competition is supposed to take place here) but I've yet to see it. The hotel is very new, and the word "eager" doesn't quite seem to do the employees here justice. I think we had a team of 7 or 8 checking in 3 of us yesterday. I thought one guy was going to try and hold my hand on the way to the room just to make sure I got there safely. It was a bit like being in a parade.


And now on to the request:

To anyone who will ever be on a long haul flight (say from London to Hong Kong, for instance) in the near or far future: Please, please, PLEASE leave your pants on. I know the airline gives you a blanket-- but that is for putting OVER your clothes. It is not, I repeat NOT for wrapping around your waist like a bathroom towel so that you can prance around business class like you are at toga party while your jeans sit crumpled up on the floor by your seat. And if you ARE going to use your towel for the aforementioned unspeakable purpose-- do NOT make the change while standing IN your seat, and do NOT adjust your blanket while standing in the aisle to get a "tighter wrap"-- because you are involving innocent parties across the aisle and giving them glimpses of things (such as tighty-whities) that they would rather not have! And you will make them take pictures of your jeans crumpled up on the floor (that don't turn out very well since they can't be obvious and use their flash lest they reveal themselves to be the type of person that takes pictures on planes) and post them on the internet!

Nothing Interesting To Say, Part 1 (Czech Republic Edition)

So I can't really think of anything terribly interesting to report at this point, so I thought I would share a picture and a question with you all.



Here's the view from my hotel "mini balcony" (which is just big enough for two feet and an ashtray-- already provided-- so very European!)





Fascinating stuff, right?



And now on to my question-- which incidentally is in no way related to the above picture:

Does anyone know what "Steak from Chicken Legs" is?

Procrastination is an Art

It is that time again-- time for me to be packing for a work trip.....and yet what am I doing? Well, other than laundry....nothing productive. So, in the spirit of doing anything and everything but what I should be doing....I present to you a list of random facts about the last few days:

*Yesterday morning when I was walking out to my car a bird fell like a rock out of tree about 6 inches in front of me. That, understandably, made me yelp. It wasn't until that same bird tried to fly up my skirt that I really shrieked.

*Today at lunch I randomly remembered the time in 5th grade when I found our class pet, a Guinea Pig named Snowball, dead in his cage. And then our teacher decided to truly make it an educational experience by bringing a vet in THAT afternoon to dissect Snowball in front of the class. I didn't excuse myself to go to the nurse until the vet broke out his little teensy saw and started sawing the skull open so we could see the brain. Looking back on the story as an adult-- I wonder several things:

1. What was the thought process that led our teacher to the belief that the best way to help a bunch of 5th graders deal with the death of a beloved class pet would be to watch the aforementioned pet be systematically dismembered and gutted?

2. Where on earth did she find a vet that would come in at the last minute like that and bring his tools along so as to be able to better traumatize young children?

3. Would a teacher today be able to do something like that without getting in trouble?

4. What did our baby Guinea Pig, Joey, think about the whole thing?



*If any of you doubt me on the above story, Heather can back me up. She was there too!

*Matt Damon has agreed to do a 4th Bourne movie. I am happy. This is all.


*Jon Stewart is officially the most awesome Oscar host EVER for letting Markita Irglova give her acceptance speech for "Falling Slowly" from Once after the stupid orchestra dude cut her off.


*Random question of the day: Since when can "Fran" be a boy name? Did I miss that memo?

The Unknown Kryptonite! (This post is for the girls!)

As some of you know (and are highly amused by), I've had a bit of a problem over the years while making the occasional trip to Super Walmart. I seem to have a strange ability to draw attention from the sort of men who sometimes feel compelled to, uhm, well, let's say they like to compliment me. (And if you think I'm bragging about that fact with this post, well then, you just need to have faith that these aren't the guys you really WANT complimenting you and leave it at that).

I'm positive I'm not the only woman who has had this problem over the years-- and tonight I realized something amazing-- something very freeing. There is apparently one special thing that can render you totally invisible to all men-- even the creepy ones!!

So what is this miracle phenomenon, you wonder?

Drum roll please...............



BRAIDS!!!






On second thought-- maybe it was the crazy look on my face. Mental note: From now always take the braids AND the crazy face!

I am an Addict and Masterpiece Theater is My Dealer

It is time for another true confession. For the past month, I have been a complete glutton. And what has been my poison, you ask? It was just over a month or so ago that PBS started "The Complete Jane Austen". That's right-- once a week they have been delivering a new version of each of Austen's novels on Masterpiece Theater. The main exception to that so far seems to be that they are reshowing the classic version of Pride and Prejudice instead of a new one. (But really, when you have Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy for 6 hours, why on earth would you bother filming ANOTHER mini-series? )

My point is this-- it's set me on a binge. Once a week is now not enough. I'm rereading the novels (again). I'm watching the movie versions that I own too. And just now? PBS really pulled a low blow-- they showed a MONTAGE of the scenes from the new movies they are playing to the soundtrack of COLDPLAY. Evil! They are EVIL GENIUSES!!

So why? Why does she suck me in so much? It's so cliche to be a woman and obsessed with Jane Austen. I mean, they made an entire movie about THAT too!

But I can't help it. Jane Austen is crack.

Happy Day Before The Day After the 14th Day of The Second Month of 2008

I'm starting to wonder if the world is tiring of celebrating the day before the day after the 14th Day of the second month of the year. Usually Carol the front desk receptionist at work is buried behind a mountain of flowers and chocolate. But today? Not so much. And it leaves me to ponder if people's attachment to the middle of February is waning.

Cloverfield: The Lesson?

I saw Cloverfield this weekend with my friend Andrew. It was an interesting combination of entertaining and traumatizing. The most unexpected reaction I had to it, though, was laughter.....and that was because I couldn't help but notice that the moral of the story seems to be this:

For some men, the only way they can get in touch with their emotions and admit they might be in love is for them to be caught in the center of a massive attack on New York City by a monster of unknown origins. Nothing says romance like immanent death!

Andrew didn't seem as amused as I was by my observation.

Back to Nature

I thought I would share a couple of pictures from my trip to prove that Cheryl and I took our "we're not going to care what we look like while climbing Mayan ruins in the rain forest" philosophy quite seriously.


This picture is shortly before I climbed the insanely tall and steep ruin behind me




This picture is shortly after I finally made my way back down---not very gracefully. You can't see my legs, but they were shaking....kind of pathetic, actually.

Belize It Or Not

Yes, the title is unfortunate, but I just couldn't help myself.

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for a long weekend away (is this what the Brits call a "mini break"?). I'm super excited because I have no earthly idea what to expect, but I'm landing in Belize City in the afternoon (knock on wood) and we'll take it from there!

I've decided this is as opportune a moment as any other to tell my friends and family something I've been meaning to say for some time. You know, just in case I get kidnapped into the jungle or eaten by a crocodile or die of fright when I think I see a shark that really turns out to be a swimming cow (you don't want to know).

Anyhoo.

I'm leaving and I just want you all to know something very important: please, if something dramatic and/or newsworthy happens to me while I'm gone.....can you just make sure that the news media has a decent picture of me? I don't mean to be vain, but has anyone else noticed that whenever something happens to people, the pictures of them up at CNN or MSNBC are always completely dreadful? Who is in charge of this process?

Yes, I realize this is stupid and inconsequential in the long run.....but I would really rather people think "Oh, that's so sad. Look at those freckles, she was so cute! And young! She had the world in front of her!" as opposed to "Oh, that's so sad. But look at those bags under her eyes. And why is she scowling like that? Oh well. No wonder she was single."

I'm not unreasonable. My main requests are as follows:

1. No senior pictures (yes, at this point they are INCREDIBLY dated, but I feel this needs to be said as my mother has shown an irrational attachment to them)

2. No bridesmaid pictures (this needs no explaining)

3. No pictures of me looking at the camera with a "why are you taking that?" expression

4. No pictures of me scowling off into space and/or looking blankly off into space (again, my mother has shown a propensity for taking this type of photo....of course she might argue that this is what I'm doing 90% of the time so what else is she supposed to take a picture of....but she would be lying....I'm sure I must smile off into space SOMETIMES)

See? Not so hard. And if you all help me out, I won't have to haunt anyone. Everyone wins.

(and for those of you who are wondering and don't know-- yes, I have always been this morbid)

Wii Be Sore

So my intention for the last few days has been to write a post detailing my objections to a new and dangerous game being played by America...to warn you all about the lurking danger that you may never see coming. That's right, I'm talking about the Nintendo Wii


I may have spent a Friday evening a week or so ago basking in my new found athletic prowess......I might have felt I was so advanced and in shape because I managed to beat a 7 year old and a 9 year old in subsequent boxing matches (though my niece might never forgive me if I didn't interrupt myself at this point to tell you that she "didn't try her hardest")......and I may have been so proud of myself when I bowled a somewhat adequate game on my first try......and there may have been a surge of pride when I manage to hit a bullseye with a digital tennis ball. I may have experienced all those things, but you know what I definitely felt the next day? SORE. Horribly, horribly sore. Ridiculously sore. My arms wanted to fall off sore.

And so I was all prepared to write you all a warning post with your best interests in mind. I wanted to save you all the trials and tribulations faced by me. And then something happened.

I went to brunch yesterday with two friends (what? I can go to brunch every now and then) and they were telling me all about how the Nintendo Wii has become ALL the rage at the local retirement village. They have one on every floor. The residents have tournaments and love it.

So this is me NOT writing a post telling you all about the dangers of the Nintendo Wii-- because then I would have to admit I am apparently the oldest 30 year old on the planet.

Consider yourself not warned.

A Belated Christmas Present Part One

I bring you a window into Christmas Past (2005ish) and some of my favorite Christmas clips ever

Take One




Take Two: A Few Moments Later

Happy New Years Day

I would like to dedicate this post to everyone who is willing to acknowledge the fact that New Years Eve is just NOT as exciting as everyone pretends that it is.

Fun For the Directionally Challenged

Merry Day After Christmas Everyone!

I got many wonderful presents this year from many wonderful people (I could go on about my new flannel sheets at this point, but then you would just want to know where they are from and then I would just have to lie to you given the topic of my previous post....)-- However, what I am going to share with you today has to do with this little guy:




That's right, folks.....I am now the proud owner of a Garmin GPS thingy-bopper (that's the technical name, right?). I've only test driven it (literally) once-- on the drive home from KS yesterday. It didn't start out well because as I was pulling out of McPherson, it was giving me very clear, precise directions on how to get out of Kansas City. One phone call to my sister (who then asked Stephen) gave me the critical clue that I had not extended the flap on the back of it thus activating the actual GPS system. (details, details). Once we agreed on my actual location-- my Garmin and I hit it off quite nicely.

You might think that the promise of never being lost might have impressed me most....or the option of finding any kind food joint that fits my fancy at any given location.....or even the ability to play MP3s and audio books to my heart's content....but no. I'm much easier than that.

I am in love with my Garmin because I have the option of being given my directions by a cute Australian guy (ok, I don't know if he's cute or not...but he's Australian and he knows where he's going....so how bad can he be?) or by a bookish yet attractive British fellow (again-- I'm filling in the lines with the "bookish yet attractive" bit-- so sue me). But the bottom line is this-- I can pick what sexy accent I want to listen to! Daily!

I love technology.

An Open Letter to Land's End

Dear Land's End,

Over the years we've had some good times together. You've provided me with several nice jackets that were just as water-proof as you promised, shoes that carried me through Ireland, flannel sheets that made it very hard to get out of bed in the morning.....the list really does go on and on. You've been a good friend, but we need to talk. Our relationship has taken an ugly turn lately. I don't know how else to put this-- so I'll just tell it to you straight. The truth is, you've gotten needy......really REALLY needy.

It seems that not a day goes by that I don't get some sort of new catalog from you in the mail. Monday I got your bedding catalog. Tuesday came your Christmas wish list catalog. Wednesday was a blockbuster day that brought both your men's ware catalog AND your kid's catalog. Thursday things were looking up since I didn't hear from you, but then Friday came. Friday brought 3 catalogs, but honestly I can't even tell you what they were because in my anger I threw them all in the trash before even glancing at them.

Is it possible? Does ANYONE buy enough from you to justify THAT many catalogs? Is there that great a need for waterproof fabics and flannels in this world? Doesn't everyone probably just shop your online catalog anyway? I hate to call you a stalker-- but dude, the shoe is starting to fit. Maybe you're just feeling insecure because of that Eddie Bauer catalog that came last week....but you should take a cue from him. Eddie plays it much cooler than you-- he only sends me catalogs once every couple of weeks. He's luring me in by playing hard to get.

I would say that it's not you, it's me....but well, that's not true. It IS you, Land's End. You and your paper usage are out of control. It is time to do a little more soul searching and a little less tree chopping. Think it over and pull yourself together. Nobody likes desperation.

Maybe after some time apart, we can rediscover what brought us together in the first place.

Sincerely,

Sarah

I Don't Know If This Will Amuse Anyone Else

But here are the top Google searches that apparently lead people to my blog:

1. "How to be mysterious"

No real surprise here......but finally proof that I am not the only one who "secretly" WANTS to be mysterious! I just never thought to google it.

2. "Two Ways to Travel"

I don't even know what this means

3. "Dorky Men"

This one might be my favorite. I just can't decide WHO is googling dorky men. Is it the dorky men or is it the women who love them?

4. "English Majors are Weird"

Clearly, these people have an agenda. I guess I am proving them right?

5. "What car has manly horns"

See! See??? I am not the only person stuck with a girlie, no-good car horn! Sadly, there are no answers to be found here.

6. "Purple Rock Types"

I don't even remember that I've written anything about my purple rock on here, but I guess I have.

7. "10 Things Not To Get A Girl For Christmas"

It's a seasonal google search!

Question of the Day

Hypothetically speaking, just how concerned should you be if you are (gently) told by a 7 year old that you have too much makeup on?

Hypothetically.

Dream of the Future

So sometime in the next year I will most likely be buying a new (to me) car. I've started trying to think about what I want in that car, and here's what I've come up with so far:

1. An intimidating (dare I say "manly"?) car horn. I'm really tired of getting almost run off the road by someone and having my only recourse be to toot my little horn that pretty much sounds like a dwarf jumping on a goat.

2. An engine with some get up and go. Awhile back I was accelerating to get onto the interstate and my friend that was in the car with me asked if I was worried that the gerbils in the engine were going to drop dead from the exertion. It wasn't a very nice comment, but it was rather accurate.

3. A stereo system that allows me to listen to the Beatles. You wouldn't know it, but when you only have 2 working speakers-- you can't listen to the Fab 4 (as well as the occasional Metallica song). Well you can, but it will certainly be a version you've never heard before as half of the singing and instruments are just gooooone.

4. Tinted windows- I'm tired of getting sunburned while driving. There should be special window treatments for freckled albinos, you know.


Now-- I will confess that I feel a little disloyal posting this list since my little Rav 4 has been such a loyal and lasting car (155,000 miles and counting!). I feel as though I am tempting the car fates by critiquing my car and that next week you will be getting a post about how my car died on the way to visit my parents and grandparents this weekend. So let me just put this out there into car land: I love you Rav 4-- with your stupid horn, rodents running the engine, broken stereo, and high level of UV exposure......you've been a good car, and if you could continue being a good car for another year or so, I'd really appreciate it.

HA! Take THAT Skinny Girls!

Study: Curvy Women Live Longer, Give Birth to Smarter Children

Monday, November 12, 2007


Real women don't just have curves, they also are smarter, live longer and give birth to smarter children, according to a new study.

In the research, scientists at the University of Pittsburgh and University of California, Santa Barbara, used data from a study of 16,000 women and girls, which collected details of their body measurements and their scores in cognitive tests. The study was published in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior.

Click here to see an abstract of the study (full study available for purchase)

They found that women with a greater difference between the waist and hips scored significantly higher on the tests, as did their children, according to a report in The Sunday Times Online.


For study purposes, curvy women were defined as those whose waists are smaller than their hips. The researchers suggest that the fat around fuller hips and thighs holds higher levels of omega-3 fatty acids, which are essential for the growth of the brain during pregnancy. Fat around the waist, on the other hand, may have higher levels of omega-6 fatty acids, which are less suited to brain growth, the researchers said.

Waist fat can also be a contributory factor in diabetes and heart disease, which is why curvy women are also believed to live longer than their straighter counter parts, research shows.

Thinner or linear-shaped women lack both omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids around their waists and hips, which would be likely to boost longevity, but have little effect on intelligence.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,310636,00.html

One other thought about last weekend-- while in California, I went and saw a movie I'd never heard of called Bella. And you know, it's not often you see movies as original, moving, and authentic as this one. And above all-- it's a non-preachy movie about the value of every life-- even those who haven't been born yet. So, I'd just like to take a moment to encourage you all to go support this little independent movie to show that there is support for these types of films.

Go see it!

Me and The Waltons (or is it The Waltons and I?)

So I went to visit my friend Dara this weekend in L.A. and had an AMAZING time. Too many stories to go into on here, so I'm just sharing the picture of me at The Walton's house which is on the lot where Dara works. I did not, however, tell John-Boy good night, and I am still kicking myself.