The Enigma That Is Me

Going on 17

2011-12-19T22:30:00.000-06:00

For some reason I've been thinking a lot lately about what I would do if I could go back in time and talk to myself at 17. I don't know if it is because I'm just about double that age now (!!) or what...but I've been having these strange mental arguments with myself about what I would say. Almost none of it has anything to do with specific things I'd do differently-- so it isn't as if I'm thinking of trying to rearrange any major life happenings. Mostly it seems to involve relational things. Who to trust-- who to not trust. Who to listen to-- who to disregard.... that kind of thing. The funny thing is that I don't think that 17 year old me would BELIEVE 34 year old me about most of it anyway.

~~~~~~

2011-12-15T21:30:00.000-06:00

I had the perfect idea for a blog post last night but now I can't remember what it was. I blame the Chesapeake lights. I had a perfectly good thought pattern going while driving down Western and then their Vegas-light-like brightness hit my corneas and whatever thought was in my head didn't stand a chance.

Obsessions Pt 1

2011-12-13T21:56:00.000-06:00

Throughout my life I have been somewhat prone to getting obsessed with things. I can't pretend to remember the first thing I was ever obsessed with, though I suppose you could argue that my red checkered blankie (that is currently about 10 feet away from where I'm sitting) was a good start.

For some reason, lately I've been thinking about two TV shows I fell in love with when I was 11 or 12-- Tour of Duty was a somewhat (in my memory anyway) gritty show about the Vietnam War. The Young Riders was a somewhat ridiculous show about the Pony Express. They couldn't have been more different, but oh how I adored them both. My week just absolutely hinged on going to my grandparent's house on Thursday nights so I could look at their TV Guide magazine and read the upcoming descriptions of what was going to happen next on those shows. What was so riveting to my pre-teen brain? I'll give you one big hint:

Oh, LT-- how I loved you so. I still can't believe they blew you up...

XX

Just So There Was SOMETHING posted in 2011

2011-12-12T20:48:00.000-06:00

Posting this is probably a bad idea. My blog has been in hibernation for so long that people have finally quit asking me when I am going to update it. When they do mention it, they say things like "Well, Sarah used to have a blog...." and then I feel that little twinge of guilt like I abandoned a puppy sitting by the side of the road.

Not that my blog is a puppy, but you see what I'm saying.

It's just that I haven't had much to say in awhile. 2011 was a really weird year for a lot of reasons. I can't pretend I'm not enormously glad to see it go... but it seems a shame to not have ANY posts to mark the year. (Plus my last post is me basically unintentionally lying to my grandmother, and who wants to end on THAT kind of note?)

And so I bring you the Things I Learned and/or was Reminded of in 2011:

1. People are ALWAYS capable of surprising me. Doesn't matter how long I've known them. Doesn't matter how much time I've spent with them. There is always some buried nook inside them that you never had any idea was there...

2. Soy Yogurt is not something you can force yourself to like. If you try, it might lead to you gagging into your own kitchen sink after a few bites. Hypothetically.

3. I am rather bad at punctuation which is awkward since people seem to expect me to be the grammar police (not sure why since I'm 99% sure I've never corrected anyone's grammar...my dad does it enough for the both of us).

4. On the same subject, I'm a bit too fond of parenthesis.

5. Kashi products are best eaten in small doses.

6. The people who have known you the longest are not always the people who know you best.

7. Trying to eat with chopsticks is still one of the most frustrating endeavors EVER

8. Fur is creepy.

Late!

2010-10-28T21:12:00.000-05:00

I have officially been guilted by my lovely grandmother into updating!! Unfortunately, I just not have not been inspired enough to write her the promised post about my September travels-- so this is just a post for Grandma (since I suspect that she is the last person holding out hope about this blog!) to promise that it IS coming.

This One is For Meredith

2010-04-24T20:33:00.000-05:00

So when your nine year old niece asks you why you haven't updated your blog in awhile, you know you are in trouble. I am now letting down MULTIPLE generations with my lack of creativity!

Random Hong Kong List Time

2010-03-05T04:30:00.002-06:00

*Every time I think the JW Marriott can't surprise me, they do. This time when I walked up to registration to check in (after being up for 24 hours straight), I went to pull out my passport when the guy behind the counter smiled at me and said "Sarah?" I blinked at him in confusion before nodding. He went on to say that he had my check-in paperwork almost done. That's when I asked if they'd started to keeping photos of people in their system, cause otherwise that was kind of creepy. He just smiled and said it was a good guess. They have some sort of weird Customer Service Voo-Doo. I'm telling you. (Also? He called 10 minutes after I got up to my room to ask if I had enough pillows on my bed. I looked at the 6 feather pillows sitting on the king size mattress and decided that yes, that was plenty.)

*The guy across the aisle from me on the flight from Dallas to Tokyo kept his pants on, thankfully. However, he did spend a good 8 solid hours of the flight playing some weird farmer's market game on his computer. From what I could tell, it involved a lot of watering of various plants. Riveting stuff, let me tell you.

*One way not to impress people from the US Office you are meeting for the first time? Falling asleep in the meeting.

*I am starting to think that with a little effort, you can get anywhere in Hong Kong without actually going outside. It is like the city is one big gerbil cage.

* An excellent place to find lots of lounging, British-looking businessmen (who appear to have spent a lot of time picking out their trendy yet nerdy glasses) in Hong Kong is Starbuck's.

*ESPN360 does not work in China. Just in case you were wondering. (Neither does HULU).

I Promised (Part Two)

2010-02-28T12:15:00.002-06:00

And we bring you the thrilling conclusion to the saga of Harold and The Andrews Sisters

I Promised (Part One)

2010-02-27T17:05:00.002-06:00

Meredith had her heart set on this being on the internet SOMEWHERE.

This is what happens when there is a sleepover, a webcam, and special effects that must be tried out.

The Story

2010-02-25T20:54:00.003-06:00

The Setting:
After Work--Walmart--Frozen Food Aisle

A young(ish) woman stands pondering the frozen treats section wishing she wasn't at Walmart at all, but knowing she has to be there because her 9 year old niece actually took the time to email her AT WORK to make sure she was planning on buying "break and bake" cookies for their sleepover the following night.

Youngish Woman: (stares at ice cream)

Short Creepy Dude: (walks by....stops...doubles back)

Youngish Woman: (sees short creepy dude out of the corner of her eye and really hopes that all the sudden staring means he's really really into frozen dairy products)

Short Creepy Dude: (walks up, walks around the back of youngish woman, and grins)

Youngish Woman: (internally sighs and stares intently at the ice cream as if the label on Chunky Monkey is going to reveal all of life's mysteries to her)

Short Creepy Dude: "Hello, Lady."

Youngish Woman: (can't help but immediately think of Andre the Giant's character in The Princess Bride even though the guy that is talking to her must be 5'2" at best)

Short Creepy Dude: "Do you live here in this city?"

Youngish Woman: (still not talking, but nods slightly and tries to figure out if she has ever heard that kind of accent before)

Short Creepy Dude: (smiles) "I admire your beauty."

Youngish Woman: "Uh, thanks" (cause really-- no matter how creepy the dude is, how can you not say thanks to THAT?)

Short Creepy Dude: (visibly encouraged by actual words) "So, do you live here?"

Youngish Woman: (nods without looking away from the ice cream and wonders why this guy's gums are so, so red...that can't be healthy.)

Short Creepy Dude: "Where do you live? Around here? Where?" (looks around as if he is going to suddenly see her house revealed in all it's glory)

Youngish Woman: (sees no recourse but to tell a very obvious lie) "I live over there with my husband." (points with her ringless left hand towards the general direction of the pharmacy section)

Short Creepy Dude: (loses his grin for the first time and nods.....stands there for a minute and then finally walks off)

A Suggestion

2010-02-18T21:46:00.002-06:00

There seems to be an epidemic of people at my condo complex buying a certain unfortunate product. And this might seem ungracious, but with my birthday coming up, I just want to take the time to put a thought out in the universe:

There is not now, nor will there ever be in the future, a point at which I want to be given any sort of WIND CHIME. I mean, maybe if you live in the most serene and still place on the planet with only the occasional breeze to blow through them gently so that they emit a nice tune, I could see the potential.

But this is OKLAHOMA. We have gale force winds MOST OF THE TIME. If you hang up a WIND CHIME on your porch, it is basically the equivalent of hiring a Salvation Army Bell Ringer to stand outside your front door who will never give up on getting your spare change and will forever be ringing his bell. Loudly.

Personality Test Extravaganza

2010-02-15T18:51:00.002-06:00

So, I just found an old blog entry where I took the "Ultimate Personality Test" 5 years ago. Turns out? Not that much has changed. Here's the same old result as last time:

A SEER
You are exactly what your name implies. You see what other people miss. You are the intellectual of the personality types as well as the philosopher. You possess a cool and rational nature and take things in stride. You are concerned with the "big picture" and always know what is going on. You know people better than they know themselves and it makes them nervous sometimes. You know exactly what people don't want you to know about them, but fortunately you are a pacifist and don't (usually) use it against them. But take care not to get to detached through the lens of that powerful microscope of yours. You can be a little cool towards people and you sometimes need to remember that you have a heart as well as a brain.

A little good a little bad I guess?

All The Single Ladies

2010-02-14T01:00:00.001-06:00

The other day I was thinking that this is the first year I am truly, truly happy to not have a date for Valentine's Day. (Long story. Not going into it.) Anyhoo-- that got me to thinking about the OTHER things I like about being single. And though we've covered some of this before, I thought what better way to celebrate the 14th of February than to give a shout out (yeah, that's right-- I said SHOUT OUT. Deal with it) to all my single friends and remind them (and me) of many of the lovely things about our lives as they are RIGHT NOW.

And so, may I present to you my list of awesome things about being single:

1. You don't share your remote control with anyone

2. You can sleep on any side of your bed that you want

3. You can spend $80 on a haircut and not have to explain it to ANYONE

4. You have complete control over your thermostat

5. You can go to NBA games and talk about the relative hotness of various players and not worry about insulting anyone. (Not that I've EVER done this, mind you)

6. You can decide to go on trips wherever you want and not worry about anyone else feeling "left out"

7. When you are tired and cranky and have had a horrible day, you can go home to a completely silent house and not have to talk to anyone if you don't want to

8. You don't have to worry about anyone drinking the rest of the Dr. Pepper you have sitting in the fridge

9. You can flirt with security guards to try and get special treatment without offending anyone (again, not that I have ever done that...)

10. There is no one to tell you that you really need to balance your checkbook so they know how much money is left in the account

11. You can cut your hair as short as you want

12. You don't have to wash anyone's underwear but your own

13. You have no in-laws (for better OR for worse)

14. You can spend every last holiday wherever you please

15. You don't have to pay for the extra ESPN tier on your digital cable package

16. There is no one to judge how much you may or may not pay for your hair products

17. You can let your Dad pay for dinner without hurting anyone's ego (assuming you don't have one of your own, anyway. I won't lie-- I do this one every time I am home. Thanks Dad!)

18. There is no one to wonder why you need to own 10 scarves

19. If you are a blanket hog, it impacts exactly NO ONE

20. NO SNORING

I'm sure's there are more-- but that's what I've got off the top of my head.

Happy Single Liberation Day Ladies!!

The Great Debate: South American Dictator vs Radio DJ

2010-02-09T21:26:00.003-06:00

Question: Which would be worse? Being married to a South American Dictator OR Being married to a Radio DJ?

*South American Dictator

Pro:

1. I would never have to hear my husband complain about the people at work who are treating him badly (off with their heads!)

2. One presumes that I would have many, many pairs of shoes (and not the Payless kind)

3. All of my cars would have tinted windows and bullet proof glass (that's right, HUMMER, I'm looking at you!)

4. I would have control over everything that aired on the television

5. I would never have to do my taxes

Con

1. I would likely be married to a man with a mustache

2. Having a husband who executes people makes it hard to make new friends (or keep old ones, for that matter)

3. Travel options would be limited (since you never know when a coup might just erupt)

4. All of my cars would NEED to be bullet proof

5. My husband would probably be shorter than me since dictators tend to be TINY little men.

Radio DJ

Pro:

1. Free Music and Concerts

2. Uhm.....yeah. Free music and concerts are pretty much all I've got

Con:

1. I'd be married to someone who gets paid to listen to themselves talk. ALL DAY.

2. How can you successfully argue with someone who is using that stupid ANNOUNCER voice that makes it sound like people are winking and shooting finger guns at you even when they are doing nothing but telling you that you should have unloaded the dishwasher?

3. I'd end up with a garage full of stupid Coke koozies with Z100!! HOME OF THE HARD ROCKING 80's! or some other stupid logo on it. (And no one would ever buy them in my garage sales)

4. What if he was a DJ for a hardcore down-home country station and the only free music I ended up with was a Merle Haggard Greatest Hits CD?

5. Or worse, what if he's a DJ for a hardcore rap station and my husband spends his day playing songs like "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp"?

So......VERDICT anyone??

A Dilemma

2010-02-07T22:59:00.002-06:00

Today (while in a conversation about it) someone asked me if I have ever considered liposuction-- and I was torn between feeling insulted that they thought I needed it and flattered that they thought I could afford it.

I went with flattered.

Hmmm.....

2010-02-05T21:04:00.003-06:00

Today I flirted with someone by accusing him of killing butterflies.

On an unrelated note-- anyone wonder why I'm still single?

Either/Or

2010-02-02T20:00:00.001-06:00

There is sometimes a rather large difference between how I'd like to see my personality and the reality of how I actually am......

Example #1

The Delusion: I am an enigma

The Reality: I will only succeed in being mysterious when and if I ever learn to quit telling people stories about the stupid things I do.

Example #2

The Delusion: Somewhere deep inside me I have the capability of getting organized and staying that way

The Reality: Being organized is totally tedious and I would much rather watch episodes of Supernatural on my DVR

Example #3

The Delusion: I'm a person who makes To-Do lists and then promptly gets things done

The Reality: I'm a person who makes To-Do lists but is sure to include a few things I've already done so I can cross them off and get credit for what I did BEFORE I made the list (even though no one but me will ever see it)

Example #4

The Delusion: I pack at the last minute for trips because I am a terribly busy and important person

The Reality: I pack at the last minute for trips because reading just one more chapter of my library book is way more entertaining than deciding how many cardigans to take to China.

Example #5

The Delusion: People (like me) who procrastinate only do so because they are masters of time management and just don't need as long as everyone else to get things done.

The Reality: People (like me) who procrastinate don't really worry about figuring out WHY they procrastinate because there is PLENTY of time to figure that out later.

Whoops

2010-02-01T21:34:00.003-06:00

So today while I was walking down the hall at work I had a brilliant idea for the perfect blog post. It was pithy and interesting and vague-- perfect food for thought. Of course, by the time I got back to my desk, I had completely forgotten the whole thing.

And that's my problem with blogging. I don't have kids to tell funny stories about (though I do occasionally borrow my nieces and nephews), I don't have interesting hobbies to make a "theme" blog about (aka COUPON!Lady or COOKINGLady! or LEARNINGFOREIGNLANGUAGESLady!), and half the time there are things I could write LOOONG blogs about-- but I can't because I don't know who might read this blog.

And that means, no talking about:

1. Boys
2. Work
3. What I really think about 60% of what happens

You can see why blogging regularly might be a problem.

Things I Learned At An NBA Game

2010-01-31T21:27:00.002-06:00

*It is now my belief that everyone in the world can be classified into 2 camps: Those that are thrilled to find themselves on the Jumbotron and those that would rather crawl under their seat. (Guess which one I am?)

*The things that people will do just for the CHANCE at a free t-shirt truly, truly frightens me. Is your dignity really not worth the $15 it would take to buy that shirt online?

*I still think Nick Collison needs to give me a call. Think about it, Nick. (Cheryl tried to say that they took you out of the game because you weren't playing well, but just ignore her. She really has no idea what she is talking about!)

*Never get the chicken finger basket. You'll hate yourself about 5 minutes after you finish. And NOT in the "That was so good, I hate myself" kind of way....more in the "That was gross and I can't believe I payed $7 for that" kind of way.

*If you text your brother to ask him important questions about a member of the opposing team, chances are he will ignore your text and leave you wondering just WHY you recognize Stephen Curry. And you will never, ever get an answer.

*If the person you go to the game with is sitting in front of you instead of next to you, it is quite easy to convince everyone around you that you are a crazy person who talks to yourself the entire game (Instead of the truth-- which is that you are addressing the back of the head of your friend who may or may not hear about half of what you are saying, but you say it anyway).

Questions of the Day

2010-01-21T21:42:00.003-06:00

1. Is it wrong to want to TAKE DOWN the 6 year old who keeps shooting you in Laser Tag?

2. Is it worse if the aforementioned brat is a small child you don't know?

3. Do loud people (that I may or may not work with) sound as loud in their own heads as they do to the rest of us?

4. Why do soft things (like bread) get hard when they get too old but hard things (like celery) get soft when they are too old?

5. Is it weirder that I currently have 6 jars of peanut butter in my cabinet or that I think the military should send soldiers in uniform out on missions to places like Chili's just to increase morale for the female population?

6. Should I be concerned that my 9 year old niece announced tonight that "Aunt Sarah is always a good judge of who is hot and who isn't?"

7. And do you think that made my sister wonder what I've been saying to her daughter?

8. I wonder how long I'm going to leave my blue towel taped over my fireplace?

9. Do ants ever make noise?

10. Do you think God told Adam how to milk a cow? If not, who was the first person to try it?

Rumors of My Blog's Death Are Highly Exaggerated

2010-01-20T17:50:00.003-06:00

Yes, yes I know. I have been a terrible, terrible blog caretaker for quite awhile now. And I know all 5 of you have been very, very sad about it.

No stories about weirdos at Walmart...

No complaints about the bacon in Hong Kong...

No tales of pantless men on international flights...

No unnecessary comparisons of rotisserie chicken to unicorns.....

How have you all survived? Tis a mystery! But I am sure you will be SUPER relieved to hear that updating my blog on a regular basis is one of my New Years resolutions. (The other one is to make myself drink V8 until I like it)

Some of you might be tempted to point out that it is now January 20-- so I seem to be a little late in getting this resolution going. To that I say this: Uhm-- you people know me, right? Cause no one who knows me would be surprised that I am starting my New Years resolution nearly a month AFTER New Years.

Duh.

When I'm Too Lazy To Type....

2009-10-18T21:03:00.002-05:00

This is what you get:

Part One:

Part Two:

And if anyone cares to compare:

The Pretty People

2009-09-24T07:36:00.003-05:00

There are some people that seem to have a strange ability-- no, let's be honest... it really is more of a superpower. A superpower that defies description....one that no woman in the world would refuse. What is this magical gift they have been granted, you ask? They are able to look the same after work as they do in the morning. These gifted people are able to end the day with the same amount of makeup on as when they first left their bathrooms. Their hair stays in the same basic position all day long.

They don't wilt.
They don't perspire.
They don't get rings of mascara and eyeliner that seep into their eye wrinkles.
They don't forget they have eye makeup on (after some 12 years of wearing it regularly) and rub their eyes.
They can walk around Hong Kong looking chic and cool at any hour of the day.
They can spend 14 hours on a plane and look no worse for the wear.

I? Am not one of those people.

Thoughts from The East

2009-09-23T06:24:00.002-05:00

*We were almost treated to a taxi driver brawl at the Yiwu airport the other night because the driver at the front of the queue didn't want to take the Chinese man who was first in line.... he wanted the "foreigner" behind him. (I'm trying to picture THAT happening in New York City) Also, since Chinese men often sound (to me) like they are fighting when they are just having normal conversations-- you should hear a group of 10 of them when they really ARE furious! I'm still mad that my camera was in my suitcase where I couldn't get it. What I wouldn't give to have video. It was highly entertaining.

*It is possible that I have seen more Australians today in Hong Kong than actual Hong Kong residents.

*As we were walking the Jewelry Show today, my boss mentioned that he thought he was going to have to change his style for the next trip. When I asked him what he meant, he gestured towards a group of well dressed men and said "I guess you have to dress like a gay man." My response? "They aren't gay.... they're Italian."

*Speaking of Italians, I wonder at what point my boss is going to start thinking that me pointing out hot men to the other buyers is unprofessional.

In Case You Wondered

2009-09-22T10:25:00.002-05:00

I can apparently no longer access my blog while in mainland China. Also? Facebook seems to be off limits. Weird.
I'll post more later, but am too tired write now to update on the trip much. I'm attaching proof-- here's what I look like at the end of the day over here...

This is How I Know I'm Old

2009-09-05T21:38:00.003-05:00

Since she was old enough to know what a wedding is, my niece, Anna, has asked me about once or twice a year the following question:

"Aunt Sarah, if you ever meet a boy you like enough and decide to get married-- can I be a flower girl?"

She's 9 now (almost 10) and when she was here last month the question changed to:

"Aunt Sarah, if you ever meet a boy you like enough to marry-- can I be a bridesmaid??"

I told her she would have to duke it out with my friend, Katie. :-)

Conversation of the Day

2009-08-29T11:12:00.003-05:00

Me: "So, Meredith-- are you ever going to tell me about your crush?"

Meredith: "I'm not telling you who I have a crush on!"

Me: "Oh come on! I'm your aunt! This is the stuff you are supposed to tell me."

Meredith: "Uhm, yeah. You're my aunt with a Blog AND a Facebook page! I'm not telling you!"

Quote of the Day

2009-08-28T20:46:00.001-05:00

As spoken from Eli to Meredith:

"You'll agree that I am an expert manipulator of my voice."

A VERY IMPORTANT DAY

2009-08-15T15:12:00.002-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!!!!

To celebrate, I offer you Josie and Anna's favorite things/memories about you:

Josie's Top Five:

1. You are pretty
2. You are great at sewing.
3. You have great ice cream.
4. You make super good food (Your cinnamon rolls are DELICIOUS!)
5. The M&M delivery

(Anyone sensing a theme??)

Anna's Top Five:

1. She just loves you.
2. Cinnamon Rolls!!
3. You are a very sweet grandmother
4. All the things you have made for her
5. Ice Cream and Pizza!

A Major Part of My Childhood

2009-08-15T09:20:00.002-05:00

You have no idea how happy I am to have found this..... AND when all of my nieces are here so I can continue to pass on the joy of the original Cabbage Patch Sing Along Album. (Someone posted all the songs on You Tube, but this is the only one I remembered verbatim as an adult....)

Things I Have Wondered Today

2009-08-11T21:59:00.003-05:00

*Who decided that female jumpsuits should make a comeback?

(Follow Up Question)
*Why has that person not yet been shot?

*If a horse and a donkey can mate and make a mule, and a horse and a zebra can mate and make a zorse, then why can't a donkey and zebra mate and make a zonkey? And why isn't a mule called a honkey? (wait....I think I know the answer to that one....)

*If Senators and Congressmen don't actually write OR read the legislation they are voting on, then just who DOES do all that? Are 19 year old interns really ruling the US Congress?

*If I was sent back 100 years in time would I be totally useless? Do I need to learn a new home-ec type skill just in case?

*If I was sent back 400 years in time and managed to take back a big thing of Morton's Salt....just how rich would I be?

*Who was the first dude to decide he was thirsty enough to try drinking cow's milk?

*Who was the very first person to ever be named Emma? There had to be SOMEONE who was the first....

*Who decided that Owls were the next big thing in accessories? Or Squirrels? What is it with all of the woodland creatures lately?

Things That Would Make Me Happy (or HappIER)

2009-08-10T21:57:00.003-05:00

1. The television show "Homefront" coming out on DVD.

2. Being able to afford this from Anthropologie: SUPER FUN COAT

3. Being told that peanut butter has a magical weight loss effect.

4. An announcement that Stephenie Meyer has decided to finish Midnight Sun.

5. To read that Nancy Pelosi has resigned.

6. Free Mascara for life

7. A sunless tanning cream that doesn't SMELL like sunless tanner.

8. To learn that John Mayar isn't nearly the putz I believe him to be.

9. Another Bourne movie in the next 2 years

10. Learning that I CAN wear t-strap shoes without looking like I have Heffalump feet.

A Pretend Past

2009-07-27T18:45:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I think it would be fun to live in the Old West.....but not the real Old West. I'm talking about the Old West as written by Lori Wick.

The one where there are men who are both single and employed in various manly professions.

The one where the aforementioned men are just waiting for the love a good woman who may or may not know how to cook.

The one where the people work hard but don't seem to actually live in sod houses or worry about twisters or plagues of locusts.

The one where there is only one church in town that is always taught by the world's most patient minister who always has a saintly wife and 5 year old that is always saying things to make the adults laugh and think "Oohh, what a little scamp!"

The one where people who don't know each other often seemed forced into marriage for a variety of reasons but ALWAYS eventually discover they are soul mates.

The one where there are insanely large families and then men are always really, really good at handling the kids.

The one where the lack of air conditioning is not an issue.

The one where chivalry is not dead and hygiene is not questionable.

There Was No Military Coup in Honduras!!

2009-07-20T18:55:00.001-05:00

Please watch. I know some of you are probably sick of hearing about this from me, but it is important to get the TRUTH out there. I don't know why our government has taken the wrong side on this-- but they have!!

Mathis Brothers, The Sequel

2009-07-16T21:00:00.002-05:00

Another scene of trying to crack the most literal man on the planet:

John: "And over here we have a slightly darker leather couch, but still a very nice quality item..."

Me: (stares at the couch trying to figure out what it reminds me of)

John: "See how nice that leather feels?"

Me: "It is very shiny..." (still trying to figure out what it reminds me of)

Heather: (sits and tries to look at the couch since she's trying to actually get something done)

John: "Oh, the shine is just from the lights" (points to the overhead spotlight pointed at the couch) "The average person wouldn't have a 150 watt bulb pointing at the leather in their home."

Me: (shrugs) "Well, not unless they really like being under a spotlight while watching television."

John: (frowns) "No, no. People don't do that. They don't have lights like this."

Me: (sighs on the inside and then the lightbulb goes off) "Leather pants! It is a leather pants couch!"

John: (frowns and wishes the girl with the money would make me shut up)

Searching For A Sense of Humor At Mathis Brother's Furniture

2009-07-14T22:02:00.002-05:00

Tonight Heather and I went furniture shopping (for Heather, not me). We met a man who was intent on selling some leather furniture. He was very knowledgeable about the aforementioned leather furniture, but he did not respond well to any attempt at levity. My favorite exchange of the evening follows:

Me: "So how fragile is leather furniture? Does it scratch very easily?"

Very Literal Sales Man: "NO! Scratch? Leather doesn't scratch! What happens to a cow when it rubs itself against barbed wire? Hm?"

Me: (with a blank look) "Uhm. I have no idea what happens to a cow when it rubs itself against barbed wire."

Very Literal Sales Man: (frowns) "Well, it doesn't scratch!"

Hiatus Over!

2009-07-11T17:31:00.003-05:00

5 Signs You Might Be The Loudest Person At Your Office
(Based On A True Story)

1. No one ever asks you to stop muttering.

2. No one seems to be surprised when you enter the room.

3. Your coworkers tend to take two steps back when you stop to talk to them.

4. If given a choice between riding in a car with you and walking, they choose walking.

5. People flinch when you tell them "Good Morning".

Dangers of the Hallway at Work

2009-05-08T07:37:00.002-05:00

So yesterday a man in the hallway at work watched me walked by and then looked to the heavens and sighed. I had to laugh because I really don't know-- is it good to make a man sigh?? I've never seen him before-- so he couldn't ALREADY be exasperated to see me coming....unless word of me had spread, I guess.....

8 Words You Never Want To Hear

2009-04-24T13:06:00.002-05:00

"You'd Be Responsible For Paying for the Crane"

P.S. I think there should be a rule that if you put the word "Expert" in your business title-- that you actually have to BE AN EXPERT.

A Thought

2009-04-18T20:41:00.002-05:00

It seems like there's been a lot of loss for people I love lately. It has made it hard to be flippant and whiny- which are my two favorite things to do on this blog. I'm sure I'll return to random thoughts soon enough....but for now-- do me a favor and remember to tell your friends you love them....and don't wait for something bad to happen before you go see them.

2009-04-17T22:01:00.001-05:00

I didn't post yesterday. Don't particularly want to post today..... so the question is, does this count?

This One Is For All The Frumpy Girls Out There

2009-04-15T20:24:00.004-05:00

I Dreamed A Dream

I couldn't embed the video-- but you all have to go watch this by clicking on the above link. Please.

(Part of why I love this is because I went through quite the preteen phase of performing this song in my parent's basement-- right next to the ping pong table)

A Question

2009-04-14T21:26:00.002-05:00

Can anything make you feel more dorky than doing an at-home workout DVD?

Passing on the Classics

2009-04-13T21:37:00.004-05:00

I taught the girls this song a couple of years ago. It is from a Cabbage Patch Kids record that I used to perform with my neighbor, Kelly, when we were in grade school. We usually did it sitting under a card table in her bedroom. I can't remember why we sat under a table to accomplish it, but for some reason that was important.

This video always makes me laugh (even if it does cut off right as they are getting to the good part)

An Unusual Problem

2009-04-12T19:44:00.003-05:00

This morning in Bible Class we were asked to share our favorite Bible Verse. And putting aside that it was clearly a stalling move by the teacher since his class was ending waaay early.....his request proved problematic for me for several reasons. First of all-- I couldn't really remember what my favorite scripture specifically said-- mostly just the gist of it.

And you are probably thinking-- "So? Just look it up, Sarah! Yeesh!". First of all, don't be so snippy-- it's rude. Secondly, I would have been happy to do that if I remembered where it was actually located. So yeah-- not only did I not really remember what my favorite scripture exactly said....I didn't really remember where it was. Somewhere in Psalms or Proverbs was as close as I was getting.

But I persevered and eventually found it-- and then stumbled onto the third and ultimately definitive problem. Once I read the exact wording, I realized there was no possible way anyone could get me to read THAT scripture out loud in a Singles Bible Class.

What is this mysterious scripture, you ask?

"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
Proverbs 24:26

Announcement!

2009-04-10T18:54:00.001-05:00

I have a new computer!!! It is not out of the box yet!! This better be the last post from my iPod for a LONG time.

Song Recommendation of the Day

2009-04-09T22:29:00.001-05:00

"Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins

I am completely obsessed with this song right now. (Although I will say that the whole CD is great) I have tried in vain for 10 minutes now to attach a You Tube video of her singing it.....but my computer just can't seem to handle that demanding task. Just know that you can do a search for it and hear it for yourself.

Where I Stood

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun.
But something told me to run
And honey you know me- it's all or none.

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should.
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood.

See I thought love was black and white
That is was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside.

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should.
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood.

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should.
'Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood.

UUGGHHH!!!!

2009-04-08T22:15:00.002-05:00

So I have been trying to post but my computer is currently having a complete meltdown. Sad that I almost always get online on my iPod as it is a million times faster than my beloved but admittedly ancient laptop. So this is me giving up. I will return to the good fight tomorrow... just like Scarlett would have wanted.

P.S. I cut 4 inches off my hair today. If you add that to the 3 inches I cut off in Feb.... it is adding up!

New Celebrity Crush Alert

2009-04-07T22:05:00.003-05:00

We met on a long flight to China. Just me, 13 hours, and 5 episodes of The Mentalist. Ah-- Simon Baker.....you had me at your first grin.

A First

2009-04-06T21:16:00.002-05:00

So tonight I am posting from my iPod because Eli is playing a game on my laptop. And while this is not the first time I have posted on my iPod, it will be the first time I have input from others (namely Elu and Meredith) about the content of this post.

Eli has suggested that they tell you about me from their perspective which I was not against until I realized that he wanted to give every last detail of my job. When I told him that I try to keep most super personal ID stuff off the blog... he said (and I quote) "oh that's right... You have to be an enigma...." (then he lowered his voice to a whisper and -- I kid you not-- cocked one eyebrow and continued) "The Enigma That Is Me". Yup. That is correct- even the 10 year old knows that's a joke.

Meredith on the other hand thinks she is about to lose a tooth and can't focus on much else. She now would like me to wrap this up so she can check her email. Seriously.

Purely Hypothetical Question of the Day

2009-04-05T21:51:00.002-05:00

If you were walking into church while the absolutely CRAZY wind was blowing and you could only keep either the front of your skirt down or the back of your skirt down.....which would you choose?

(The answer goes something like this-- it is silly to pretend that you can keep any portion of your skirt down if the Oklahoma wind wants to rip it up over your head....so the only thing a hypothetical person can really do is be sure they are wearing leggings..... Also? I hypothetically picked the front-- the back flew so high it actually hit my pony tail......hypothetically that is.)

A Conversation that Did Not End Up As Expected

2009-04-04T21:57:00.003-05:00

Two Friends are headed out to dinner. The following conversation ensued:

Sarah: (walking to the front door telling a story SO riveting that I can't even remember what I was saying) "And so blah blah blah.....and then BLAH!"

Cheryl: (walking out the front door nodding while pretending to listen to the fascinating tale) "Uh huh..."

Sarah: (turns around to lock the front door) "And then I said......" (lowers voice to a frantic whisper) "at ohler!"

Cheryl: (speaking in a normal tone of voice) "Huh?"

Sarah: (pointing with my eyes while whisper yelling) "kat ohler!!"

Cheryl: (looks behind her) "WHAT?"

Sarah: (gives up and speaks normally) "CAT STROLLER!" (points to the elderly couple walking on the side walk by the building with their cat....in a stroller)

Cracks. Me. Up.

2009-04-03T19:55:00.001-05:00

Star Wars as explained by a 3 year old
(Be sure and listen for the warning about Darth Vader)

Things I Did/Thought/Wondered Today

2009-04-02T22:20:00.003-05:00

1. "This is what happens when you try to clean". (after having to type all day on a painful finger pad that was sliced open when I dusted my desk at work. Don't ask)

2. A new Arby's opened by work this week. Both Mandy and I were pathetically excited to go there for lunch today. (And judging by the 15 cars in the drive-thru built for far fewer vehicles, we weren't the only ones).

3. "Did some kind of new Wal-Mart training manual go out that instructed all cashiers to start tying the handles of their plastic bags into a double knot before handing them over? Why do you people keep doing this to me and and then look at me as though I should be grateful for the extra effort you put in? What genius at headquarters in Arkansas decided that shortening the handle will make it easier to carry out to my car in 45mph Oklahoma winds??"

4. Words cannot express how grateful I am that America decided to vote off that annoying chick on American Idol.

5. "Why did I do my hair today?" (after walking half a block to get from car into work and looking like Cousin It when I walked in the front door)

6. "Why-o Why-o did I ever leave Ohio?" (Side note-- I've never actually been to Ohio)

7. Jini asked me what kind of cheese my string cheese (that I was eating at my desk) is. I had no good answer.

8. "Don't be an idiot, lady. There is no self-check out at TARGET" (thought but NOT said to the lady behind me in line who kept trying to talk her daughter into going to the "self-checkout")

9. "Hm. How can I write this email in such a way as to make the person feel stupid for asking me an idiotic question without thinking I am calling them stupid? How can they decide for THEMSELVES that they are wasting everyone's time?? It wouldn't be MEAN to help them do that....really it would almost be a form of helping them to self-enlightenment....."

10. "I didn't know anyone still wore their bangs that high. With gray hair."

A Goal

2009-04-01T21:33:00.001-05:00

So my grand plan is to try and post every day this month. And if I don't manage it, I will just pretend it was an April Fool's joke!

Awesome Clip of the Week

2009-03-27T19:57:00.005-05:00

Why oh why do we not have someone who will stand up and say this to President Obama AND Congress?

Quick Random Notes

2009-03-08T19:04:00.003-05:00

*We are at the Best Western in Yiwu. Incidentally-- it is neither Western NOR the Best.

*It is extremely cold here....which I'm not really complaining about. Amazing how much less fragrant a place can be in the cold. (It was insanely hot and humid when we were here last Sept.)

*I accidentally wore my shirt inside out when we crossed the border from Hong Kong into mainland China (we actually walked across it with our suitcases). I feel this only bolstered my "we look like refugees fleeing persecution in Hong Kong" point to my coworkers.

*I don't care how proficient a spitter you may or may not be-- you have not truly seen (or HEARD) spitting until you have been to China.

*The iTunes store (or at least MY iTunes store) does not work in mainland China. This is very annoying when you want to download the season finale of Burn Notice to watch on the plane.

*In case you hadn't figured it out-- I have nothing that interesting to post at the moment......

Is My Maid Trying To Tell Me Something?

2009-03-05T05:17:00.005-06:00

I am once again back at the JW Marriott in Hong Kong. And while I know you are ALL excited to hear my twice a year update on the status of the bacon on their breakfast buffet... I am sad to report that blog feature has been discontinued due to unfortunate and newly developed food allergies.

HOWEVER-- that does not mean that I don't have exciting news to report. (and possibly even MORE riveting than a bacon update would have been....but I make no promises......)

My first post was GOING to be movie reviews of the bajllion movies I either started to watch and/or actually finished on the flights over. And while I still plan to get to that eventually....there has been a new development that I feel deserves a priority entry.

We spent a long day today walking around the city to various appointments.....thankfully able to dodge the POURING rain due to Hong Kong's lovely system of covered walk ways. I finally got back to the hotel a little bit ago.....tired and ready to flop. Everyone else in my group is on the 22nd floor.....but I am all alone on the 12th floor. I didn't think too much about that, but as I walked into my room tonight...I began to suspect I am on some sort of special party-girl floor. Why is this, you ask? Well, first let me explain that as you walk into my room....you enter a short hallway and you have to go around a little curve to get into the bedroom. As I opened my front door tonight-- I noticed a thump of base playing.....and I wondered if I'd forgotten to turn my TV off this morning. But as I walked into the bedroom, I realized that the maid had been in to "turn down the bed" for the night...but let me tell you, she went the extra mile. My lights were turned down to dim, the bed covers were turned down, and.....someone was rapping/singing on the stereo system about all of the "sweet honeys in the club tonight" and his need for me to "shake it baby, shake it". I went over to the stereo and realized that the maid had decided that LL Cool J was just the fellow to sing me to sleep tonight (and in case you were working the theory that the maid was listening to her OWN CD and forgot to take it out...nope. The CD actually has "property of the JW Marriott" imprinted on the front of it)

Let me tell you-- I don't know who they think was coming back to this room tonight--- but I really don't feel worthy of the ambiance she worked to create. I feel like I need to put on some tight pants and make some sort of martini or something. My grand plan of reading Jane Austen in the bathtub just doesn't feel right.....

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSIE!!! (even though you don't read this. Maybe you dad will and he'll tell your I said it......

2009-03-04T02:09:00.001-06:00

Delayed in Tokyo. Bored. Really, really bored. Updates that have been promised have not come.

The Flattering Lighting of Incredible Pizza

2009-03-01T13:47:00.003-06:00

Meredith (my niece--for the 2 of you that don't already know that) and I spent the afternoon at Incredible Pizza yesterday. If you are unfamiliar with the establishment (and before yesterday, I'd never been there)-- basically it seems to be an all you can eat pizza extravaganza combined with go-karts, putt-putt, bumper cars, arcade games, etc. Meredith and I skipped the food and went straight to the games. Our first stop was the go-kart line where we wanted to sign up for a "double" ride (meaning I would drive while Meredith was the passenger/navigator/encourager)--- Anyway, it was there that the following conversation was had:

Me: (addressing the teenager working the register) "Hi...we'd like to sign up for a double ride."

Meredith: (smiles and waves at him like she has been smiling and waving at everyone since we got there...)

Incredible Pizza Dude: (looks a bit confused): "You're going to ride with her?" (points at Meredith)

Me: (returns his confused look) "Uh, yeah...." (also throws in a nod in case some body language is needed as well)

Meredith: (still smiling)

Incredible Pizza Dude: (frowns slightly) "How OLD are you?"

Me: (starting to look around to make I'm not too old to be riding go-carts-- but am reassured when I notice old dudes currently racing) "Uh..." (then blank for a minute and try to remember if I am 31 or 32).... "31! I'm 31!"

Meredith: (waiting patiently, still smiling)

Incredible Pizza Dude: (loses the confused look and replaces it with a startled one) "Really?"

Me: "Uh, yes."

Incredible Pizza Dude: "I would NOT have thought that. I was thinking like...22 at MOST."

Me: (speechless and still not a little confused about why it matters)

Meredith: (smile turns reassuring-- pats my thigh) "That's a GOOD thing, Aunt Sarah!"

Me: (starting to appreciate the dark lighting of Incredible Pizza) "I know, sweetie." (turns to Incredible Pizza Dude) "Uhm, thanks I guess?"

Slightly Blind Incredible Pizza Dude: (smiles and "scans" my payment card)

Our scene now cuts to 10 minutes later when I look at the balance of our payment card and realize he hadn't charged us for the ride....we go back over to tell him....

Me: (waiting for weird 50 year old lady to stop going on and on to poor Incredible Pizza Dude about how there better not be any kids in the "fast" go-kart race because she drives FAST-- FAST!! and she will not be thwarted by some kid who is out there piddling around not knowing what he's doing)

Incredible Pizza Dude: (kindly waits for the woman to walk off before he starts laughing at her)

Me: "Hi! Us again! I just noticed that it didn't subtract the money for the go-karts when you scanned our card."

Incredible Pizza Dude: (looking at me with a look that says "annnnddd????)

Me: (feeling a bit awkward) "Well, I just wanted to let you know."

Incredible Pizza Dude: (smiles and cocks an eyebrow) "Well, that's a GOOD thing, right?"

Me: (not really sure if a 19 year old is flirting with me or not) "Uh, yeah....."

Incredible Pizza Dude: (smiles) "Well, good!"

Me: "Alrighty, then. Uhm...thanks!"

Meredith: (looks at me and shrugs)

As we were leaving later, I was telling Meredith that I still couldn't figure out WHY he cared how old I was-- when she pointed out that he was probably checking to make sure I was old enough to take her on a double ride (apparently you have to be 18...I failed to notice that). I have no idea if her theory is accurate, but I have decided to go with it....as 18 is even better than 22!

(also? Meredith and I TOTALLY won our go-kart race....in case you wondered)

Analyze THIS

2009-02-26T20:13:00.003-06:00

I've been having lots of weird dreams lately. One involved a Friday the 13th-like scenario with me and other people running around some summer camp. (No, I haven't watched any horror movies lately)

One involved one of my good (single) friends getting pregnant and lots of conversations with my father (the dream version) with him insisting he had no idea she was "THAT kind of girl!!!!" (he was taking it very hard)

There was another dream where I accidentally dyed my hair blond and was SO relieved when I woke up and realized I still had brown hair.

But by far the most disturbing (to me) dream was the one where I had these long purple, hairs growing out of my finger tips. I just couldn't figure out how to groom it-- and if I should shave it (how WOULD you shave your fingertips?) or try to pluck it or WHAT. But I did have the (dream) thought that it would nicely conceal my fingerprints. WHY dream version of me was worried about this....I have no idea. Maybe I was going to be a covert Muppet or something......

Surprising Things About Being Single in My 30s

2009-02-19T18:55:00.000-06:00

1. It totally snuck up on me.

2. I don't mind it nearly as much as the 15 year old me thought I would.

3. My father has revealed a previously unsuspected busybody/matchmaking streak.

4. My mother remains well behaved (at least to my face).

5. I have so many friends that are ALSO single to keep me company.

6. It is kind of fun and not a little liberating.

7. Having this many years to watch marriages from afar has left me with a conflicted view of the institution. (No unmarried person should be made to watch the movie Fireproof. If that movie doesn't make marriage look utterly exhausting, I don't know what does. I mean-- if you are already in it, great! Work hard at it! But for us singletons? Let's just say it isn't exactly a marriage recruitment video....)

8. Did I mention that my father has revealed his busybody tendencies? Well, it is worth mentioning twice because it was doubly surprising.

Breaking Out My Rusty Typing Fingers

2009-02-18T21:43:00.002-06:00

Anyone who has known me for more than a day knows that I am-- well, how to put it?? Let's just say I am a candid person. I often share more about myself than anyone probably wants to know..... for instance, if I do something particularly stupid-- I usually can't wait to tell as many people as possible about it (particularly if it is a FUNNY stupid thing--- for instance when I figured out last year that a "Water Pill" is not actually a pill that magically hydrates people).

But the interesting thing about being a candid person is that many people also assume that I don't have an inner edit button. Several people in the past year have joked with me that they always know what I'm thinking because (and I quote) "If Sarah thinks it, she says it". And for some reason, I have found that surprising. While I admit I almost always have something to say about everything (even if it is just to announce I know nothing about the topic on hand)--- it really amuses me that I might have a reputation for saying everything that pops into my head....because seriously? What I actually say out loud constitutes about a 1/3 of what is going on in my head (if that).

I apologize if that scares you.

Alas, I realize that just because I manage not to spew my every thought on to the world does not make me mysterious or anything.....but I would like to reserve the right to be not quite the open book that everyone thinks I am.

Hong Kong Int'l Airport

2009-02-16T18:41:00.002-06:00

Ok- I promise to start actually WRITING blogs again very soon.....but in the meantime you have to check out this awesomness. Why does this never happen when I'M at the Hong Kong airport??

Color Me Surprised

2009-01-21T19:41:00.001-06:00

Look-- a little awareness!!!

(The saddest part of the whole thing is the last line-- they hope he doesn't mean it???)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Changefest '09 - Obama's Inaugural Speech

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Food For Thought

2009-01-15T21:28:00.000-06:00

Agree or Disagree.....but I thought this was interesting

This is Probably A Bad Idea

2008-12-15T22:25:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about doing this post for awhile-- sort of arguing with myself about it, to be honest. But I've decided that Katie might need some cheering up today...and so I am just going to quit putting it off and just put it out there......

What am I rambling about, you ask? Well-- I think I have covered my need for deadlines multiple times on this blog (look no further than my "post every day attempts" for proof). I have also mentioned more than once that I have started a ton of books/stories over the years that I never, ever finish. And finally-- as anyone who reads the comments on this blog (and if you had access to my emails and/or phone conversations) knows that Katie is one of my biggest "supporters" (or "naggers" depending on my mood) when it comes to getting me to write.

So combine all these things and what do you get? Well-- you get me deciding in December to announce what I am going to TRY and give Katie for her birthday in May. And I figure if I announce it here, then that means I sort of really have to do it. And what is "it" that I am going to have to do?

I am going to write and COMPLETE a book for Katie for her birthday. It is likely not going to be very good or will probably not be seen by anyone but her (and maybe Laurie if I rope her into editing for me).....but I'm putting this out there so I can't back out.

So there you go. I now have to actually finish something and I have until May 18th to do it.

Eeek.

Tag From Katie

2008-12-09T18:53:00.002-06:00

I've been tagged by Katie to post 5 things about myself that you may not know. Since I tend to overshare in everyday life, I'm going to have to get a little obscure......

1. I have recently decided to try washing my hair once a week.

2. There are three songs I obsessively listen to in my car:
*The Story by Brandi Carlisle
*Fell in Love Without You (Acoustic) by Motion City Soundtrack
*Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event

3. I am in love with my new down comforter.

4. I have checked out approximately 30 books from the library this month....which is more than the past 3 years combined.

5. I have a large stash of toothbrushes I've taken from hotels all across China.

Question of the Day (with Bonus Answer!)

2008-12-08T18:20:00.001-06:00

Question:

How do you know your gym time isn't as effective as you'd like?

Answer:

The cashier at Akins assumes you are buying powdered Vitamin C as a part of a diet plan.

The Story

2008-11-13T20:36:00.002-06:00

Two girls pull into the parking lot of a gas station

Me: Ok, you wait here while I run in and get cash

Mandy: (already reading her book and ignoring me)

Me: (Locks the door and gets out of the car)

5 minutes later

Me: (Taps on the window)

Mandy: (Unlocks the door)

Me: (Getting in the car) "What's the noise?"

Car: HONK HONK HONK HONK

Me: (Looks around) "Is that my car? What is that?"

Car: HONK HONK HONK

Mandy: "Uh, your alarm?!"

Car: HONK HONK HONK HONNNKKKKK

Me: "I DON'T HAVE AN ALARM!"

Car: HONK HONK HONK

Mandy: "Uh, apparently you do."

Car: HONK HONK HONK HONK

Me: "I don't know how to shut it off!" (pushing every button I can think of)

Car: HONK HONK HONK HONK

Me: (Decides the best thing to do is start the car and drive off with alarm blazing, cause really-- I'm sure DRIVING OFF will make the alarm shut off, right?) "Make it stop!"

Car: HONK HONK HONK

Mandy: .........

Car: HONK HONK HONK

Me: (Pulls the car back over around the corner from the gas station) "Get the manual out! Does the manual say anything about how to shut it up??"

Car: HONK HONK HONK

Mandy: "Give me your keys!"

Car: HONK HONK HO....

Me: "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

Mandy: "I don't know. I pushed a button"

Moral of this story? Still don't know what turned it on and still don't know what turned it off. Good times for all!

Surprise!

2008-11-12T22:06:00.001-06:00

My car apparently has an alarm I didn't know about. Wanna know how I found out?

Pop Quiz

2008-11-10T21:39:00.002-06:00

Which item is more dangerous for the visitors to the White House?

Random Thought of the Evening

2008-11-06T22:40:00.002-06:00

You know what I don't appreciate? A workout machine that has "Are you enjoying your workout?" pop up on the screen every 5 minutes or so. You and I both know that you don't care if I'm enjoying my workout, machine, so just stick to telling me who much longer it is until I can get off and how many calories I've burned and we'll call it good.

Lesson Learned

2008-11-04T21:12:00.001-06:00

Sometimes it isn't about the message-- just the messenger.

Sisterly Love

2008-10-15T20:35:00.003-05:00

So, I am breaking my silence to answer my tag from Katie. I was supposed to post the 6th picture from the 6th folder of my photos. Because of the way I have my pictures done, that was easier asked than actually done. This is as close as I can get.

Happy Birthday Andrea!

2008-09-29T23:27:00.001-05:00

This one is for you (and only you will understand it!)

An Important Update

2008-09-22T23:11:00.002-05:00

I know that many of you can't wait for me to go to Hong Kong for the sole reason that you are in desperate need of an update on the status of the breakfast buffet at the JW Marriott. Throughout past trips, you have heard my complaints about the status of their bacon (it was gross) amongst other things.

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the breakfast buffet underwent a little bit of a makeover (very disconcerting my first morning down-- totally interfered with my usual routine)-- but it did result in (drum roll please)......better bacon!

Sadly, though, this better bacon has come at a high cost. The bad news is this: they have DROPPED both the peanut butter AND the Nutella from the buffet. How is a girl supposed to have her peanut butter and nutella toast with slivered almonds on top without 2 of the 4 ingredients?? They finally dug up some peanut butter for me (apparently the smoothie guy had a stash) but, really...it got a little old having to ask for it EVERY morning.

I wonder if any of this has to do with why Mandy has started calling me "princess" on this trip. Personally I don't see the connection-- but whatever. (It probably doesn't help my case that I noticed on check in that they had hand written "SOFT MATTRESS!!" on the bottom of my paperwork......)

Questions and Answers

2008-09-21T05:29:00.002-05:00

Q- How do you know you might be in trouble on a late night taxi ride from the airport?

A- Your Chinese coworker calls ahead to the hotel you are traveling towards to give them your names and the approximate time your drive should take just in case you never show up.

Q- If you are staying at a Best Western in the far East, is it still a Best Western?

A- Yes, apparently so.

Q- Did China's clean air initiative for the Olympics last past the big event?

A- No, apparently not.

The Test

2008-09-18T09:29:00.003-05:00

Today I found myself being thoroughly tested on the very thing I posted about not too long ago-- not assuming that people are judging you when they stare and/or frown at you. And I know I said I was going to stop presuming that I know what everyone around me is thinking-- but let me ask you this: If a group of hot, Italian men in designer jeans and loafers that at least 12 baby alligators had to die for are staring at you....what is easier to assume?

A) That they are entranced by your sexy limp as you walk own the aisle at the jewelry show

or

B) That they are JUDGING your Payless mary-janes (that gave you the blister causing the aforementioned sexy limp) and Target skirt that is now going on 3 years old (and is growing more grey than black) as you walk down the aisle at the jewelry show

15 Hours in Coach Analysis

2008-09-17T05:28:00.002-05:00

1. When United says "economy" they mean "You better be 5'2" and 95lbs if you want to sit comfortably in our seats"

2. I'm hoping to regain feeling in my knees again shortly

3. Note to the weird woman in front of me who had her airline blanket OVER HER HEAD for most of the flight: You don't have your seat fully reclined at all times-- if you are eating and or not even actually in your seat for periods of time, the polite thing to do is to sit your seat up so some of us can try and shift our wedged in positions a little.

4. Note to the weird middle aged Chinese man sitting next to the blanket head woman: taking a picture of yourself with a flash on a dark plane can be excused the first time. Sitting there repeatedly taking pictures of yourself so that the plane cabin starts to resemble a dance club in Athens is annoying. Sitting there gazing fixedly at the 20 pictures you have taken of yourself in your seat is just creepy.

5. As a general rule, tray tables should not be used as a trampoline to occupy 2 year olds.

an experiment

2008-09-16T10:57:00.002-05:00

so I am trying to update from the chicago airport on my new iPod... The typing is kind of slow going though so I do not think this will be a regular occurance unless I become more adept with this keypad. I also seem to have issues with capitilization at will. The flight to hong kong is in about an hour and a half....can't wait! (yes that is airport sarcasm.

Just Wondering

2008-09-14T20:49:00.002-05:00

Does anyone else consistently have people in stores or other public places come up to them and say things like "Oh, smile! It can't be that bad!" or "Cheer up!" or "Having a bad day?" when you don't even know that you are frowning?

Apparently, I am quite the scowler.

A Bunch of Theoretical Mumbo Jumbo

2008-09-11T20:07:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how rarely we really know what other people are thinking. For some of you, that might not be a new thought-- but to be perfectly honest-- I tend to give myself a little too much credit in that area. I like to think that I have an intuition about what people are thinking and feeling. But really, I'm not so sure why I think that. And short of someone coming up and actually TELLING you their thoughts and feelings-- you can never really know if you are right or not.

So what does this mean and why am I thinking about something that is probably obvious to everyone else? Well-- many women spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think about them. They waste countless hours feeling self-conscious. But really, if you can never truly know what other people are thinking-- then all we are really doing is projecting our own thoughts onto other people. So basically all we are doing is worrying about nothing more than a bunch of hypotheticals. And if you are going to assume that someone is thinking something about you-- why not just assume they are thinking something awesome?

For example, a woman you don't know frowns at you? Assume she's disturbed by her own jealous reaction to your super cute new pants.

A guy you know ignores you when you try to say hi? Assume he's intimidated by your intelligence.

Now-- I do feel the need to give a disclaimer here. If these thoughts occur to you naturally, if you are wondering why anyone wouldn't think these things in the first place-- then these rules are not for you.

My Favorite Honduras Pictures

2008-09-10T22:32:00.009-05:00

The courtyard where we ate breakfast every morning.

The view out the front door of our room

The ultimate store. The name says it all.

Yes, I am just this childish.

When your father volunteers your services to help teach children for 2 hours-- and you don't speak Spanish and they don't speak English-- there is always one sure fire way to entertain: get out the digital camera. Some things are universal.

Hi Grandma!

2008-09-09T20:41:00.002-05:00

So I have it on good authority that my grandmother is tired of looking at the word "Surprise!" on my blog......this seemed like a good thing to change it to.

I'd also like to point out that my Grandmother is not the only disatisfied reader. Anyone else see Katie's last comment?

katie said...
Okay, Sarah....do we need to implement a required number of posts rule??

And I must confess this made me laugh.

Surprise!

2008-08-29T09:23:00.003-05:00

So color me surprised to find out the hotel has internet! We arrived safely yesterday-- and I even got to ride in first class from Houston to Tegucigalpa thanks to the generosity of my Dad's friend that met us for the flight. He'd been upgraded-- but gave his first class seat to me!

Yesterday was a loooong day but a good one. I think the rest of the "week" here is going to be very interesting. Here's to hoping that Gustav doesn't make it a little difficult to come home!!

I don't have anything terribly interesting to report or the time to time it anyway right now, but I did work on a blog post last night during the Spanish meeting I couldn't understand a word of. (That's not rude, right? I just looked like I was taking notes)

The End is Here

2008-08-27T21:09:00.003-05:00

So when I promised to post every day this month, I neglected to factor in the small matter of me leaving the country. I'm headed to Honduras tomorrow-- and so for quite obvious reasons, this will be the last post for August. Unfortunately it isn't going to be an interesting one because (not surprisingly) I have not yet begun to pack.....and seeing as it is after 9 and my parents are picking me up tomorrow morning at 4:45....I'm thinking I better get on it.

....right after I eat a fudgecicle that is....

I Can't Believe This Was 3 Years Ago

2008-08-26T22:30:00.002-05:00

Is November Here Yet?

2008-08-25T22:32:00.002-05:00

I've been wondering lately if anyone actually watches the U.S. Presidential conventions as a method of deciding who they are going to vote for. Both parties basically put on a week long propaganda show as far as I can tell...and nothing really gets decided. It seems to me to be a little symptomatic of our culture in that all of the spontaneity has been sucked right out of it. It is the same reason that the "debates" aren't really debates at all-- they are just people pretending to ask questions and other people pretending to give spontaneous yet remarkable sound-bite ready responses.

Do I sound cynical yet?

2008-08-24T21:36:00.000-05:00

"Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?"

~Jane Austen

That Time Again

2008-08-23T21:21:00.002-05:00

I've been going through old files on my computer tonight-- reading things I'd completely forgotten I'd written (which, let's face it, is a weird way to entertain yourself). I found a little something that I wrote right around the time of my 26th birthday. It's kind of personal, and if at the time you'd told me I would EVER post it on the internet for others to read, I would have given you one of my patented eye rolls/dirty looks. But reading it tonight made me laugh (in a good way) and remember a fairly major paradigm shift that I went through in my mid 20s.

I think this will make sense to some of you.....and those are the people I'm posting it for. So, to anyone to whom the below words mean ANYTHING....this is for you!

I think some people spend their whole lives waiting for their life to begin.

I know this because I have spent 26 years feeling like I am standing in line waiting for my turn on the ride---only my turn never comes. Sure, I get to watch other people take the ride, and I can even talk to the people in line around me about the best places to sit and the most dangerous curves-but I've never been able to experience them for myself because I can't seem to get to the front of the line.

It's life through a view-finder and I'm sick of it. So you know what I'm saying? Screw this ride. I'm gonna go build my one of my own.

Just My Humble Opinion Regarding the Election....

2008-08-22T18:40:00.001-05:00

I would rather someone not know how many houses they have than not know when they believe life begins.

A Sad (But True) Admission

2008-08-21T21:38:00.003-05:00

This may be news to no one but ME, but I have recently realized that I am a girl who likes boundaries. I feel better when I know what the expectations of me are and what the plan is to get there. I deal best when I have deadlines I have to work towards. (Exhibit A-- the whole "post once a day rule" that I have to impose on myself in order to actually post on here halfway regularly).

And you know what? I hate it. It is SO not interesting. Who (besides a Marine) likes a a rules and regulations girl? It would be much more mysterious if I flouted rules and convention and just did whatever fit my fancy.

But I can't. I always call before I come over. I always knock before I come in. I always sit in my assigned seat.

This is me. I'm just going to have to learn to accept it.

Some of My Favorite Vacation Pictures

2008-08-20T22:01:00.004-05:00

2008-08-19T19:23:00.003-05:00

We interrupt this monthly posting schedule because our friend Clark is in town! We will resume normal programming tomorrow.

(If you don't remember or know who Clark is, please click his name for a very necessary introduction!)

My Favorite Article of the Day

2008-08-18T22:10:00.003-05:00

Outback mayor seeks ‘ugly duckling’ women
‘Beauty-disadvantaged’ urged to move to woman-deprived Mount Isa

Read All About It

Cheryl forwarded me this article this morning at work. I'm not sure how insulted I am. This may be the second time she's "accidentally" called me ugly this month! It is for that reason I feel free to make fun of her on here and tell you all that she was quick to point out that all of the available men in the above AUSTRALIAN town would "at least have British accents". Sure they would. If they had just moved from a DIFFERENT COUNTRY.

Oprah & Her Friends Have Lost Their Ever Loving Minds

2008-08-17T20:51:00.004-05:00

Today while driving home I was playing with the satellite radio on my new car. I landed on the "Oprah and Friend" channel-- and even though I have a long standing policy of taking Oprah (and her ego) with a HUGE grain of salt......I was curious what Oprah's "Friends" had to talk about for 24 hours a day on the radio. Would we get some Dr. Phil? Would we get some decorating tips? Well-- my limited exposure to it has convinced me that Oprah and Friends radio basically consists of the biggest pile of New Age mumbo jumbo you have ever heard.

First up was Nate Berkus (and correct me if I'm wrong here-- but isn't he some sort of interior designer??) talking with some spirit medium dude about the "levels" that spirits work their way through after death-- and how the biggest motivator for them to move to the higher realms of the afterworld is LOVE! (I had to put LOVE in all caps because of the way they were stressing it.....I felt they were using verbal caps). Also? Apparently spirits have physical needs as well-- and all they have to do is envision something to have it. For instance, if they want a turkey sandwich all they have to do is picture it and it shows up. Seriously. That was their example, not mine. What on earth any of this has to do with picking the right cushions for my living room, I just don't know.

Next up was some looney bin escapee whose name I don't know-- but whose profession is apparently the "teaching of the laws of attraction". His schpeel was all about putting out the vibes that bring positive or negative things into your life-- and how everything that happens to you is because of your vibrations. He also added that for those who might feel that they didn't put anything negative out there-- and yet were still struck with "bad boyfriends" or "job difficulties" or "money troubles"-- well, they just needed to understand that his job was not to convince them of the truth of the laws of attraction (because, you see, they are there whether you choose to believe in them or not)-- his job was just to instruct all of us little people in the WAYS of these laws. (And, presumably, to make 6 figures a year doing it). I think my favorite piece of wisdom he shared was that we all have built in vibration-ometers in us....and that they are called EMOTIONS. (To that I say-- Thank you, Einstein. I never would have guessed that my EMOTIONS were telling me how I felt. That is truly an amazing piece of insight). I turned the channel before we got to just what it was, exactly, that 4 year olds with cancer "put out there" in order to bring it on themselves.

After that I was done....but it left me feeling slightly horrified. I mean, it isn't as if I hadn't ever heard of any of this before. Spiritual mediums and philosophies like"the Secret" aren't exactly new to the world, but still. I mean-- I haven't really watched Oprah in years-- but are the millions of women who watch her show really buying into this? I'm genuinely curious now.

A Close Call

2008-08-16T22:25:00.002-05:00

We had a near blog tragedy tonight-- and you have my mother to thank for averting it. I very nearly forgot to post ANYTHING tonight. I know-- devastating, right? I was so busy watching Michael Phelps win his 8th gold medal (It isn't often I feel slightly hostile towards Australians...but tonight was the exception)-- that it completely slipped my mind that I hadn't posted anything today. (The topic of my unexpected addiction to Olympics coverage is a topic for another day)

Now it is late, and I'm tired-- and to be perfectly honest, I'm drawing a blank on anything remotely interesting to say. (I know, I know-- hasn't exactly stopped the rambling before....)

And so I will merely wish you a happy August 16th and call it good.

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

2008-08-15T20:20:00.003-05:00

Today is my Grandmother's birthday-- and I really feel that I am sadly overdue in telling her (and all of you) why she is such an amazing, wonderful, fun, all around fabulous person to have as a Grandmother!

First, let me start with one of my favorite pictures of her and my grandfather:

I enjoy this picture for several reasons but the primary one is the expression on her face-- doesn't she just look like she's up to something? THIS is the girl you wanna hang out with. I'm dying to know what she was thinking in this picture! (Also? I am jealous of her cute outfit--particularly the shoes!) And you know what? My grandma is STILL someone you wanna hang out with. She's hilarious, remembers a zillion stories, and knows a little (and A LOT) about just about everything. (She's probably protesting this point as she reads this-- but Grandma....face it. You ARE a knitting expert. Your cinnamon rolls ARE the best ever. You know more about college and NBA basketball than most guys I know, and I will always insist on having you on my Trivial Pursuit team!)

But more than any of that-- my grandmother is the most loyal and loving person you could ask for. She has been a blessing in my life since the day I was born (and not just because she introduced me to Hershey's syrup as a child). She is a patient, loving Christian example that makes those of us lucky enough to be in her family proud just to be one of Laverne's grandkids (or kids, or great grandkids....). She has an amazing ability to make me feel like the most interesting person on the planet even when I really have nothing better to talk about than the latest customer complaints at work.

You are an awesome woman, grandma-- and if I only manage to have half of the positive influence on those in my life that you have given to those around you-- I will consider myself quite a success.

Happy Birthday! I love you!

(And I would like to point out that while you might have lots of grandkids and great grandkids that love you dearly-- I am still the only "littlest angel". I'm just saying.....)

Puzzling Male Fashion Trends

2008-08-14T20:03:00.003-05:00

Dear American Apparel,

WHY are you encouraging men to dress this way? You have THIS available in "over 20 colors"! Really? Is that supposed to be exciting? Is hairy male cleavage the new hip trend? I don't understand. It is bad enough that it is almost impossible for women to find tops these days that aren't cut to our belly buttons....but now you are dragging the men down with us? I really think you need to reconsider. I mean, it isn't like the guys can do what we do and just put a tank top underneath. THAT would (believe it or not) look even more amazingly stupid.

Think about it.

Best regards (but with a high level of concern),

Sarah